Brock The Fuck Is Going On?

Hello all! I’m baaaack. A week later than planned. Sadly that means I’m glossing over Summerslam but that’s OK. Because Raw is like an epic PPV every week now!

So, Raw has officially gone to 3 hours and I’ve been wracking my brains to think of how I’m going to recap them. Then it hit me; work harder. I can’t let these precious recaps slide just because of an extra hour, right?  But what exactly went down this week?

The show opened with resident block head, Brock Lesnar and his human voice box Paul Heyman. They were coming fresh off a big victory against Triple H at Summerslam and Paul had a few things to say. Basically, they’re trying to push this as the end of Triple H’s career. It’s hard to believe they wouldn’t have made a bit more fuss about one of the greatest superstars of all time retiring from in-ring action but, whatevs, I’ll bite.

Paul said that Triple H wanted and fight and it was a fight he got and that Brock made him quit. Paul then discussed how Triple H used to battle through severe injuries to finish a match but now he tapped out to Brock. Actually, it was a very good promo and it was an interesting angle. It’s just a shame Brock Lesnar is involved. He’s literally the most boring man in WWE ever. And I’m including John Laurinaitis.

Then they decided to bring referee Scott Armstrong out who came out looking like a dog who just took a dump on the carpet. Brock bounced around because that’s all he knows how to do and then patted Scott on the shoulder to thank him for a good job. It is very nice that referees are getting recognition and all but I was a little worried. It hasn’t been a great week for people named Armstrong. With that, Paul declared Brock the new King Of Kings and left the ring.

We then saw a Tout where Punk declared he wanted to pick his own opponent (yes, I’ve had to upload a Tout to Youtube because there’s no support for embedding into WordPress just yet).

On a sidenote, I actually like Tout. It’s interesting. If you want to Tout me some of your thoughts then do so here and I might just use them!

Our first match was 6-man action and it was Kofi Kingston & R Truth & Sin Cara vs Prime Time Players & Cody Rhodes. The Prime Time Players are actually a really good tag team and it was a shame they were held back by the AW bullshit. I called it a while ago that AW would eventually get sacked but the circumstances in which he did were hilarious. In all fairness to AW, it was a really good joke. But that’s the thing about rape jokes… you can’t force them on people.

The match was actually not too bad but it did seem like there were many parts that were confused and things got a little clunky. Cody Rhodes once again became obsessed with Sin Cara’s mask. I’m a little concerned they’re going into the “you’re ugly, I’m beautiful” schtick with Cody again as the whole Dashing Cody Rhodes thing, as fun as the homoerotic vignettes were, was a stepping stone. Cody is much better than that now. Cody’s obsession with de-masking Sin Cara ended up in him losing after Sin Cara rolled him up for the win.

Backstage, Raw GM AJ Lee was chatting to Matt Striker. I’m loving AJ as a GM. Interesting choice indeed. Before AJ could carry on talking, David Otunga appeared. Otunga has been away filming a movie with Halle Berry. A lot of WWE Superstars are off doing movies these days. Good on them. Anyways, Otunga offered to be AJ’s legal counsel and promised to stop people calling her crazy. AJ didn’t like the fact Otunga used the word in front of her and put him in a match with an opponent of her choosing. I hope AJ never runs into Carly Rae Jepsen.

She continued saying that Punk can choose his opponent, subject to her approval.

It was then announced that Khloe Kardashian-Odom is the Social Media Ambassador for the night. It’s great they’re getting popular names but, seriously, these people have never watched WWE in their life! It’d make more sense if they got Kim Kardashian as she’s actually been slammed on camera.

Then it was Ryback vs two jobbers. This whole thing is getting boring so what did they do to spice things up? They had Jinder Mahal run in. I mean, a Ryback/Mahal feud is like having cancer face AIDs. Nobody wins.

Backstage once more to where Dolph Ziggler entered Chris Jericho’s dressing room demanding a rematch. The two went back and forth but AJ broke things up by skipping in and making a declaration. The two WOULD have a rematch but it’d be Ziggler’s Money In The Bank contract vs Y2J’s WWE contract!

Del Rio then made his way to the ring where he spoke about how he deserved another match against Sheamus after the Summerslam one ended in a bit of controversy. AJ came out and declared she wouldn’t interfere in the World Heavyweight Championship set-up as that’s Booker T’s job but she could put Del Rio in a match. And she did, against Randy Orton.

The match wasn’t that bad and a cheeky Sheamus was on commentary. I love Sheamus in full cheeky Irishman mode. It seemed that Randy Orton was going to get caught out by Ricardo but Sheamus stepped in to ensure that didn’t happen. A distracted Randy Orton nearly lost the match but Sheamus pointed out that Randy had his foot on the rope. ADR went mental at Sheamus only to turn around into an RKO to allow Randy Orton to pick up the win.

See, Randy? You can do great things when you’re not on drugs.

Brodus Clay vs Damien Sandow was our next offering and can I just point out a bit of a plothole? Damien Sandow discusses how he’s saving us from social media and populist culture yet he’s got Twitter, YouTube and Tout. Makes no sense.

Anyways, it was a good match which was eventually won by Sandow who grabbed the tights for the win. Brodus, however, wasn’t happy about this and attacked Sandow viciously. It’s a bit bizarre that we all cheered Brodus being a sore loser but the minute he bought those kids in to dance I got over it. SO CUTE!

Then it was Shawn Michaels’ emotional chat via satellite. I won’t talk about it much as you should probably watch it. The gist of it being… Triple H has to realise that his time is over. He’s no longer the competitor he was. He lost. It was all very sad but I didn’t want to wipe away my tears as I prefer using my Kleenex for Dolph Ziggler matches.

David Otunga then came to the ring to face his mystery opponent. That opponent? The Big Show! I must admit, I was a bit down on The Big Show but his fierce persona has been fantastic. He tore Otunga apart completely and it was great. But then we were shown something. A backstage video after Summerslam which I implore you to watch. This is the best I’ve ever seen Big Show. It seemed real, raw, passionate… it was fantastic. More of this, please!

Up next was the anger management match where former enemies must team up. It was Kane and Zack Ryder up against Daniel Bryan and The Miz. I’m loving Daniel Bryan at the minute and the NO! NO! NO! thing is great. The Miz has also returned strong although he’s not as sexy anymore. I miss his old look.

The match itself was fantastic and the Bryan/Miz dynamic was spot-on. Eventually, it boiled down to Bryan and Kane. Bryan slapped Kane and then ran away and The Miz quickly ran too. This left a vulnerable Zack Ryder, along with a timekeeper, to take the hits. It all ended with Ryder being driven into the mat with a tombstone. Woo woo ooh.

Backstage yet again where CM Punk said that he opponent at Night Of Champions would be John Cena but on one condition. That condition? Well, you’ll have to wait.

A Divas Battle Royal was next and what a waste of time it was. It was slow, awkward and pointless. Like the first time I had sex. And the 2^nd. 3^rd. 4^th… shut up. Kaitlyn picked up the win for a title shot we’ll probably never get to see anyway.

Some good news then came. Brock Lesnar announced he was leaving WWE! You heard right. It came out of nowhere and it was announced on TOUT! I know, right? I don’t doubt he’ll be back but it’ll be nice to know WWE will be a Brock-free zone for a while.

Then we had a Wade Barrett vignette. I love it. The whole bare knuckle fighting thing… it’s just great. I’ve never been a huge Wade fan but it’ll be great to see him back. That may be slight British Bias though.

Backstage to Dolph Ziggler’s dressing room (oof… can you imagine? Mmm) where Vickie Guerrero was freaking out. She said they cannot lose and he must win it for her. Dolph said if he was winning it for anyone, it was for himself.

Then we had Ziggler v Y2J and boy… what a match. Y2J lost and I think that was a forgone conclusion. Obviously, he’ll be back. He’s the herpes of WWE… you can never get rid of him. I won’t go too into the match because I think you should watch it. Enjoy!

After the match, Y2J attacked Dolph and left the WWE… for now.

Then it was the main event… well, not match wise but you know what I mean. CM Punk came to the ring. First of all, he wanted a chat with Jerry Lawler. Punk was still unhappy with Lawler’s declaration that Punk had turned his back on the WWE Universe. Lawler explained that’s how he felt at the time but Punk wanted to press the issue. He was stopped in his tracks, however, by Cena.

Punk laughed that Cena couldn’t help himself and then decided to lay down the gauntlet. If Cena wants a WWE title shot then he must say Punk is the best in the world. Cena refused, saying that Punk had to prove he was and that he would wait for a title shot if he needed and then left the ring.

An annoyed Punk then ushered Lawler into the ring and demanded Jerry apologise and announce he’s the best in the world. Lawler refused and then went to leave the ring, only to be kicked in the head by Punk!

So Punk has taken a heel turn. The respect angle is an interesting one and I have to say I’m sort of loving it. There’s been lots of talk about whether or not we want to see Lawler and Punk wrestle and I’m in the “not” camp. Yes, Jerry’s in great shape and can still work in the ring but his style is slower… it’s boring.

But what do you think about this and Raw in general? Hit me up on Twitter, Tout or in the comments section. Like this post? Share it and tell your friends.

Until next time,

XO-WB

DO YOU THINK YOU’D BE GOOD AT DOING RECAPS? I’M LOOKING FOR RECAPPERS. I NEED REGULAR RECAPPERS FOR WWE PPVs AND SMACKDOWN. GET IN TOUCH.

People Power Outage

No Way Out was a fun affair and I actually quite liked the show. My predictions amounted to what they always do and I ended up getting nearly every single one wrong. I’m smart like that. So what exactly went down then?

The opening bout was surprisingly the World Heavyweight Championship Match. I smelt shenanigans with the fact it was up first and I racked my Red Bull infused brain to find an answer. I came up with nothing. I began to think that we were going to be hit with dejavu as, when the bell rang, Dolph pulled a Daniel Bryan and made Vickie kiss him. Sheamus went for the Brogue Kick but luckily this time the 18 second victory was not to happen.

It was a fantastic match and both men did a great job. It was clear that they put their best in and it made me sweat just watching them. Plus I’m also overweight. I chomped down on my Milkybar (not a euphemism) nervously as it seemed my future 3^rd husband (after Zac Efron and Cody Rhodes) was going to see gold. Sadly, it wasn’t to be and Sheamus picked up the win.

Soon, my love. Soon.

Backstage, J-Lau turned up wearing a suit that made him look like a cinema usher. I’ve no idea what he was thinking but I’m going to presume he wasn’t thinking at all. J-Lau was trying to convince Mr McMahon that he didn’t need to be at ringside for the match because of his concussion and everything. Vince wasn’t conVINCED (I know, sorry) and slammed the door in his face. Someone was grumpy but inappropriate emotional responses are a side effect to a concussion. Obviously, some people take that to the extreme. I’m looking at you, Benoit.

Scumbag Josh Matthews then waded in asking J-Lau about the pressure of perhaps getting fired. J-Lau then told Josh he was a failed wrestler and unfit to be an announcer. Bitch PLEASE.

The WWE “Universe” have been up in arms about how WWE is only about the kiddies and that joke matches are wrong. This is the same group of people who cheered for Colt Cabana when CM Punk gave him a shout out. To quote resident flag kicker Chris Jericho. YOU’RE ALL SYCOPHANTS AND HYPOCRITES. I am, indeed, talking about the Tuxedo Match which saw Santino Morella take on Ricardo Rodriguez.

It was what we expected and Santino picked up the win. I like the humour of it all and I genuinely LOL’d when Ricardo sauntered off in Del Rio undies.

Bacstage once more to Matt Striker who was interviewing CM Punk. Punk talked about how Bryan was a good technical wrestler but was interrupted by cray cray AJ. Did you know AJ was crazy? I know, right? It’s not like it’s been mentioned a gazillion times. AJ basically wished Punk luck but then Punk got all douchey and said luck was for losers. I actually think Punk is a bit of a dickhead really. There, I said it.

Cody Rhodes, who disappeared for a while, was up against Christian in our next match. Cody was hoping for a third reign in the same way I want to be in a three way with him and Dolph. The match was actually really good and the two really went at it. There was a move where Cody bent Christian’s arm back and the stood on his elbow which actually made me cringe. I’m such a “mark”, you guys.

However it seemed like I was a common curse as future husband #2 lost to Christian.

Then it was the turn of unknown tag teams to get in on the PPV action. It was to be a Four Way Tag Team Match to see who would be the #1 contender for the Tag Team Titles. It’s a nice change for them to decide the contenders this way as usually names are picked out from a hat. The match was really good and it wasn’t a clusterfuck as I expected. There was a great moment when Tyson Kidd hit the hurricarana off the top rope to the outside, knocking everyone down. And it was also fun to see Justin Gabriel’s cute little butt back in action.

The win eventually went to Titus O’Neil and Darren Young aka the Primetime Players. It turns out that Abraham Washington screwed over Primo and Epico Fail. Good stuff, nice to see the tag division getting a good story.

I’d like to pause this recap a minute to say something which annoyed me. For those who don’t know, The Primetime Players wear pink ring attire. This caused Booker T to say that he thought they were “a little fruityish if you know what I mean… a little sweet”. I’m not going to accept homophobia from some jumped up moron who can’t even string a sentence together. So, fuck you Booker T. Interestingly, he doesn’t make such comments about Dolph who not only wore pink but used to jiggle his arse for everyone.

Back to the recap, Triple H came to the ring to challenge Brock Lesnar to a match. And that was it. I was a little disappointed because Triple H was WAY off his game and rambled for a while about trying to find the balance between being corporate and a wrestler. I think it’s time WWE decided what they wanted him to be. If they want a corporate figure, then make him that. I think Trips would make a great GM. He’s my favourite ever wrestler but the lack of continuity in his character is starting to grate on me.

Backstage, AJ wished Daniel Bryan luck. What is that girl playing at?!

Divas action was up next as Beth Phoenix took on the champ, Layla. I have to say, this match KICKED BUTT! It was awesome. It was the right length, there were great moves. Even the announcers got behind it. Sadly, the crowd were dead but we’re going in the right direction. If they can pull this shit off more often, the Divas Division will soon be strengthened. Also, did anyone notice Layla just full on grab Beth’s boob when she went for the pin? Personal space, girl.

Backstage to AJ once more but this time she was talking to Kane. She went to wish him luck but ended up making out with him instead. Can I just say, I frickin’ LOVE these two. They’re like a Twilight type of relationship. Or even Monsters Inc if Boo was older and Sulley was nailing her.

For some reason we had Sin Cara v Hunico. Sin Cara won. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Then it was the triple threat match. I don’t want to say too much except watch it. I was so apprehensive about Kane’s addition into this but with the AJ angle, it all worked great. AJ ran in towards the end, she was knocked off the apron, Kane was distracted and Punk picked up the win.

As Kane scooped AJ up and took her away, she smiled at Punk like it was her plan all along. LOVE IT.

After the great came the awful… Ryback was “fed” more. I’m so sick of this Will Sasso lookalike stinking up my WWE experience. GO AWAY.

Then we had the main event, the cage match. I was apprehensive about how boring this would be and at first it appeared I was right. There was only so much these two could do but this one was about the story. It seemed like Big Show was going to win but Brodus Clay ran down to the ring with a steel chair, blocking his exit. People were expecting a swerve where Brodus hit Cena instead but I didn’t think that. Soon a plethora of Big Show victims ran down to unsuccessfully stop The Big Show.

As Cena made his way out, J-Lau tried to knock him off with his crutch. It looked like Show was going to sneak out the door but Cena won!

J-Lau was fired.

My heart broke.

And so did the Spanish Announce Table.

There we ave it, that was No Way Out.

Until next time,

XO-WB

Vince McSlammed

This week’s Raw was actually quite enjoyable. I am, however, a super McFahon (that’s a Fan of the McMahon Family) so any appearance by any of them was always going to bolster my enjoyment. It was also the first 3 hour Raw. I’m currently reviewing the way I recap because 3 hour Raws are going to be a bitch to do in this current format. So if you’ve any ideas, let me know.

The show opened with J-Lau who was surprisingly chipper considering he was having a job evaluation. It’s been a point of contention amongst WWE fans because we’re all pretty sure Vince got stripped of his day to day duties. But, it’s Vince so I decided to let it go. Before J-Lau could get past even introducing himself, Vince’s music hit and the crowd went wild. I love Vince’s strut and often try to emulate it but I was chastised for mocking Cerebral Palsy so had to stop. Vince even did a backwards strut; it was a thing of beauty.

In the ring, J-Lau extended his hand but Vince refused noting that he didn’t know where it’d been. Ooh, bitch please. Vince then waved away J-Lau’s insistence that he was an astute businessman blaming him for the 2 lawsuits that came with the Lesnar signing. I was torn here because, technically, it was Triple H’s fault but at the same time… Brock Lesnar is a prick. Vince then continued explaining that The Big Show’s signing was also a bad idea as he’s not performed effectively since 1999. I found this ironic on the same night in which The Great Khali in a number one contender’s match was deemed a good idea. More on that later.

The party was then interrupted by Sheamus. Sheamus came to the ring and it seemed like he was going to defend J-Lau but he actually launched into a tirade against him. This was interrupted by Vince who announced that “#firejohnny” was trending worldwide. This is what we’ve come to; the Chairman of WWE announcing hashtags live on air. In led me to wish that Vince had a Twitter too but I guess the parody accounts can tide me over.

It all came to an end when Vince warned J-Lau that he had to impress or he will be fired. Vince then left the ring on J-Lau’s scooter which he then drove off the stage. RIP Scooter. J-Lau vowed revenge on Sheamus announcing he’d have a match against… Lord Tensai. Eurgh.

The Tensai match sucked and Sheamus got the win. Backstage, Vince, J-Lau and Teddy discussed who might be Del Rio’s replacement at No Way Out. Vickie interrupted suggesting her two clients get in on the action. It was then left to Teddy to suggest a Fatal Fourway… Ziggler, Swagger, Christian and… THE GREAT KHALI. FREAKIN’ KHALI?! The only push he should be getting is in a wheelchair. He can barely walk. Vince declared it a “great” idea. I hope he was being sarcastic.

After the break we were back in the ring where Tensai and his Japanese Lover Sakamoto were standing awkwardly. It appeared as if though they’d waited an entire ad break for something. Turns out, it was for Tensai to beat up his lover. It was like Brokeback but breathy-ier and just plain weird. Obviously, this was an attempt to make Tensai seem domineering but it just came across as two angry lesbians having a fall out.

Backstage once more to R Truth and Matt Striker. Truth was basically sounding off about Big Show saying that he’s going to lose against Cena. This didn’t go down so well with Big Show, who knocked Truth out with the WMD. I must admit, I’m not keen on the Big Show angle but the WMD is a bad ass move.

A rare mixed tag match was next with Santino Morella teaming with Layla to face the team of Beth Phoenix and Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer… Ricardo Rodriguez. The match was actually pretty fun and it seemed to be the Divas wrestling properly and the two men joking outside. The joking was actually quite fun and Ricardo running into the ring post was a personal highlight. However, Beth annihilated Layla with the GlamSlam to pick up the win. Afterwards, Santino and Ricardo tussled which led to Santino angrily tearing open Ricardo’s shirt. However, things got super homo as it was revealed that Ricardo was wearing a Justin Bieber t-shirt underneath. Brilliant.

Backstage, David Otunga began complimenting Vince on his physique and suggested that, if J-Lau were to be fired, he’d be the perfect replacement. This didn’t go down well with Vince who announced that he hates lawyers. An angry Kofi stormed in, wanting Big Show’s blood for beating up his partner. J-Lau intervened announcing Kofi as Show’s opponent in a warm-up cage match.

Daniel Bryan then made his way to the ring. He said that he was the obvious winner because he wasn’t being distracted like Punk and Kane were. The reason for the distraction? AJ. Bryan said that AJ may still love him but he feels nothing for her. He also made a great joke that 2^nd base for Kane is someone not throwing up when they look at him. He then made the proclamation that “one you’ve gone Bryan, there’s no point in tryin’. He ACTUALLY said that. I actually used to have a saying like that myself “One sexy night with me, you’ve definitely got an STD”.

Punk then interrupted saying that Bryan was delusional and questioned how AJ could love anybody who had a “goatface”. Kane then came out to reel off a strange CV which included electrocuting Shane McMahon’s testicles. AJ then ran to the ring, wanting them to stop arguing. She told Kane that deep down she knew he had a heart, she told Bryan that she will always love him and she told Punk that well, HE’S JUST SOOOOO CUTE AND FRICKIN’ AWESOME!11. I must be fair to AJ, that’s how I react every time Dolph or Cody are on my screen. J-Lau’s face then appeared on the titantron where he announced that Kane and Bryan will team up against Punk and… AJ. Ooooh.

Then it was Fatal Fourway time. After the real wrestlers got rid of Khali who made things so slow I had to check my TV settings, it all got very awesome. Dolph was magnificent as always but there were some great near falls and submissions. The big scandal was Dolph screwing over Swagger to eliminate him. Obviously, the pull away from Team Vickie continues. It was then down to Christian and Dolph. And I am thrilled to say that DOLPH WON! HE ACTUAL WON! HE COULD BECOME CHAMPION! I’m not getting ahead of myself but I’ve bought a bottle of champagne just in case.

Backstage once more and Vince was cornered by Natalya who wanted him to bring back the Hart Family in some sort of reunion. Vince looked as interested in that proposition as I would be a lesbian three-way. Vince walked away but was interrupted by Naomi and Cameron aka the Funkadactyls. They wanted Vince to overturn J-Lau’s decision to remove Brodus from Raw and only have him on Smackdown. Vince, however, refused to overturn the decision. The two girls were upset but decided to instead get funky with Vince in what is one of my favourite moments ever. The entire thing was capped off by Zack Ryder whose shocked face was absolutely brilliantly timed and executed. The excitement on his face when Vince fist pumped the air yelling “woo woo woo” was just brilliant. It’s also the face I pull every time someone on WWE gets a wedgie.

Ryback then squashed two more thin, weedy wrestlers. I don’t understand how WWE thinks that makes him look tough. It’s like a jock beating up two nerds. It isn’t tough or cool, it’s weak and cowardly. I wish it’d stop as it’s getting boring. WWE has too much of this going on. We’ve got Sin Cara defeating everyone, we’ve got Big Show knocking everyone out, we’ve got Tensai throwing his weight around and Ryback doing the same. It’s getting boring, very quick and it isn’t how you build someone. Look at Ziggler. He loses most of his matches yet his in-ring skill and character are so good… he doesn’t need to win to be a winner.

Things went from bad to worse as, backstage, Vince and Hornswaggle mocked JR. The guy is a WWE Legend. He’s popular with fans. To mock his Bell’s Palsy isn’t fair and disrespectful. I don’t approve at all.

Cena then showed up to suggest that Vince should do the right thing and fire J-Lau. Vince told Cena to worry about himself and not get involved in the Kofi/Show cage match. Cena reassured Vince that he wouldn’t do so as Kofi had already asked him not to. Convenient. Otunga then turned up again and things got awesome as Vince, after declaring Otunga a sycophant, said he’d never respect anyone who could actually pucker up and kiss and guy’s ass. We then cut to an annoyed looking William Regal.

It was then time for the Big Show/Kofi Kingston cage match. It was exactly as expected and Kofi was utterly destroyed. But hey, we got to hear CAGE MUSIC! WOO!

Sin Cara then defeated Curt Hawkings in a “no shit Sherlock” conclusion.

Daniel Bryan and Vince then spoke backstage and Vince awkwardly mocked Bryan for not looking like a superstar and losing in 18 seconds. Bryan looked pissed and it was confusing really because we’re meant to hate Bryan but that made us hate Vince. But then I realised it was the WWE and just kind of glossed over it in my brain. Along with eating, it’s my coping mechanism.

Then came a nice surprise. The one-off return of Vader! Vader went up against Heath Slater and the man is looking GREAT. He moves better than Khali! It was a great match which he, of course, won to celebrate 1000 episodes of Raw.

Backstage once more and Punk warned AJ not to do anything crazy. Her nodding made it seemed like she understood but the look in her eyes said otherwise.

That match was up next and it was actually pretty good. Punk tried his best to ensure AJ wasn’t tagged in but Punk was shoved into her and the referee registered the tag. The crowd waited with baited breath to see what Kane would do to her but well, she jumped on him, wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him. That’s right. She made out with him. Kane immediately tagged himself out and left the ring to allow Punk to get tagged in and pin Bryan for the win.

Then it was the big decision; would Vince fire J-Lau. I began to contemplate a world without people power and a tear fell from my eye. J-Lau came out and tried to defend himself but it was clear Vince was gearing himself up for a firing. It looked as if it was about to happen until Big Show made his way to the ring. Show tried to defend J-Lau but this was all interrupted by John Cena.

Cena didn’t seem to care so much for the HR nightmare in the ring but instead told Show that he’d made a grave mistake. See, Show has been blaming everyone for his downfalls so if he loses to Cena, he’s only got himself to blame. And, he’ll have to work the rest of his contract knowing that he’s a sell out. The heated words got to Big Show who went for Cena. Security Guards were scattered everywhere as the two men went to brawl. As Vince went to break it up he was met instead by the WMD, knocking him out.

This was on the anniversary of the great Limo explosion which we thought killed Vince but actually didn’t. But, if you looked at Cena’s face… the punch might’ve.

So that was the first 3 hour Raw and my hand hurts doing this recap. Expect a different format next week!

Until then,

XO-WB

WMDismal

Hey everyone! So we’re back to written recaps because, well, you guys just preferred them. Thanks to everyone who voted on the poll. And if you didn’t vote then I CURSE THEE. It was a night of prediction fails but what exactly went down at Over The Limit? Read on.

So the show opened with the People Power Battle Royal. It began on the WWE Youtube Pre-Show and spilled over to the main show. Eve set it up where the winner would face either Cody Rhodes or Santino Morella that night. It was your usual group of people lucky to get a paycheck including Khali whose knees you can actually hear creaking through the TV. The surprise entrant, bland Superstar Christian. I don’t like Christian, never have. I find him dull. It became clear immediately who would win.

Another entrant was the downtrodden Miz who has put up with a lot of shit recently. It came down to Miz and Christian but, predictably, Christian won. He hinted that he’d face Santino later that night.

Then we had Vickie Guerrero whose dress was a strange mix of extremely sex with availability for keyhole surgery. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to turn me on or if she was just prepped for Kidney surgery. Dolph Ziggler also made a bold fashion choice with a diamond studded dog collar. The annoying thing is, he even made that look not gay. He’s the Ridiculously Photogenic Guy of the WWE. Dolph in a dog collar also kinda turned me on as I’ve always wanted to make him my bitch. Dolph along with Jack Swagger went up against the team of Kofi Kingston and R-Truth. I’m going to start calling Kofi “Betty Ford” because he seems to constantly associate with drug addicts.

The match, for the titles, was your average fair and Kofi and Dolph did some fantastic work. The quality of the match, however, was overshadowed by the awful commentary. I get its Lawler’s job to be mean about Vickie but not throughout the entire damn match. It was annoying and, even more annoyingly, Dolph and Swagger lost. Not so annoyingly, Abraham Washington was nowhere to be found. THANK. GOD.

Backstage, powerbitch Eve and David Otunga chatted to Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks. They requested that the two go into the crowd and destroy any signs. I’ve often dreamed of a wrestler destroying something of mine… but I don’t mean a sign.

We then had Divas action and I’m starting to become one of those annoying people who say something is “definitely” happening when it’s not. You know it’s bad when dirtsheets seem better informed. I’m obsessed with Kharma and when she’ll return and I presumed it’d happen at OTL but it didn’t. What we did get, though, was fantastic. Beth and Layla worked great together and the match was outstanding. Also, it was long! They were given time and the two were evenly matched in terms of skill. Layla picked up the win to retain her Divas Title. Their match, however, was also ruined by bad commentary. Booker T said that Layla shouldn’t wrestle in a knee brace as it’s “impossible”. Erm, talk to Stone Cold, idiot.

Backstage, Randy Orton was being interviewed for reasons I can’t explain. I nodded off momentarily because even his voice is boring but perked up when Jericho entered the room. Jericho said he’d win because he’s the best in the world. This annoys me because his whole feud with Punk was over that moniker. He lost the right to use it. I get he’s a bad guy but it’s called character development.

Then it was Fatal Fourway time as Orton, Sheamus, Y2J and Alberto Del Rio all faced off. This wasn’t a match I was looking forward to but I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised. It was quite gripped and I didn’t know who was going to win. I hadn’t been this torn since I accidentally opened two different porn movies and had to decide which one to watch. I went with plumber who gets grease on his shorts. Thanks for asking.

It was melee in every sense of the word and it seemed that Orton was going to RKO his way to victory but Sheamus swooped in to get the win.

Backstage, Eve chatted to Cody Rhodes. I had to re-watch their chat 20 times because for the first 19 I kept yelling “BITCH, STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN” furiously at the screen. The two chatted about how brave J-Lau is and that Christian will win the US Title and give it legitimacy. Cody expressed concern that Christian was too rusty but Captain ChariZZZma overheard and decided he’d go after Cody’s Intercontinental Title instead. Douche.

Then The Miz came out for his second match of the night, this time against Brodus Clay. The Miz said he was sick of the WWE Universe fawning over the Funkasaurus because he’s so ridiculous. I agree with Miz and his beautiful bouncing boobs, but then thinks took a turn for the worse… Miz danced. I love Miz and I think he is awesome but this was embarrassing. Miz’s career has crashed so hard I’m thinking of renaming him Princess Diana. After copying the dance from Thriller, Miz went up against Brodus and lost. Again. To a human dinosaur. Seriously. Princess freakin’ Diana.

Curt and Tyler then decided to REKS some signs… I’m sorry. That won’t happen again. The confiscated several signs and decided to tear them up. It was a bit brutal but completely delicious and, it being Reks and Hawkins I half expected the signs to end up victorious but these two finally got a win.

Cody Rhodes then came out and said he was glad he was never bought up in North Carolina as they’re all pretty much stupid. I love this man. He then had to face ChriZZZtian for the IC Title. I must admit it was a good match but that was only because Cody made it look so good. Now yes, I wish to ride Cody’s penis like it was a fairground attraction but he’s also very talented and he deserves a better opponent. Sorry, Peeps. Cody, however, lost and Christian picked up the win. Grumble.

CM Punk then got interviewed and basically talked about how much D-Bry had changed. Then AJ went all shadow lurker. It was kinda awkward.

I’ve decided not to recap the Punk v Bryan match and I implore you to watch it for yourselves. It was many, many shades of awesome but I did wish it’d gone on a little longer. The two are very talented and I am very happy to see that it looks like this feud will continue. I do think WWE missed a trick with this one because they should’ve somehow included AJ. They hinted at it enough but, story is story and we’ll see if that comes back around.

Backstage once more to a grinning Teddy Long. Teddy said that he has no desires on becoming GM but he believes that Eve and Otunga might end up running WWE should J-Lau have lost. I would be SO up for that.

Then WWE forgot this was a PPV and not an episode of NXT and offered us Camacho vs Rybeck. The crowd decided to show their support for Skip Sheffield’s new gimmick by chanting “Goldberg”. I do love the WWE Universe. I really do.

Then it was time for the big one. J-Lau vs John Cena. J-Lau was wearing an outfit for cycling but he still looked good. Many fans has argued that this was a ridiculous match but it was supposed to be. Cena believed that there could be no outside interference and you must admit, the entire think was VERY funny. The two of them sat, J-Lau slumped in the commentary booth pretending to be Booker T. It was genius. Kudos to J-Lau.

Then things took a turn for the sucky. J-Lau tried to run away but then was dragged back by Big Show. Cena went for the AA but Big Show hit the WMD and J-Lau won. It was too predictable, so predictable I didn’t even predict it as I thought there’d be a swerve. I was wrong and instead we’re left with an awful few weeks of mean Big Show. It really sucks, WWE. Cena is your top guy and you’re sticking him with Lesnar and Show? Despicable.

So that was Over The Limit. I thought it was mostly really good.

What did you think?

Until next time,

XO-WB

Daniel Bryan vs Kim Jong-Il

Hello again. My PPV recap coming uncharacteristically early because it’s CHRISTMAAAAS. I may be a little bit excited. Anyways, TLC was a fantastic PPV in my opinion and is always a highlight as TLC matches tend to be my favourites.

Let’s launch straight in.

We began with Dolph Ziggler taking on Zack Ryder. This was the match that the internet was abuzz with. Who would win? Zack Ryder’s build towards the US Title match has been fantastic and another great example of the story work WWE does. The match was also really good and Dolph/Ryder always work great together. This had everything from false finishes to near falls and Vickie Guerrero getting booted away from ringside (always hilarious).

This match had the fairytale ending though with Zack Ryder picking up the win and the US Title. Woo Woo Woo.

We then went backstage where Booker T was speaking to an over-excited Rhianna Alicia Fox. Then, from out of nowhere, came Cody Rhodes who beat Booker down. Booker, however, ain’t one to stay down and got up straight away. I’m sure that’s all we’ll see of that before the match… right?

Next was an inexplicably boring bout between AirBoom and Primo & Epico. I didn’t even know that Primo was still hired by the WWE. The entire match was rather dull and it could’ve certainly done with a Cólon-oscopy. AirBoom picked up the win. A boring match but it was nice to see Evan back after his injury… wait, what? HE DID WHAT? Oh Lord. I am actually a fan of Evan as I like how he interacts with his fans. He’s always tweeting. I wonder if he’s a Mac or a PC. What’s that? Oh, apparently he prefers Tablets. ZING!

We then went backstage to Teddy Long who was dressed up as Santa. That’s right, Santa. Hornswaggle, who can now talk, popped in simply to berate him. Hornswaggle, it turns out, is a bit of a racist arsehole. He told Teddy that Santa wasn’t black and that he has mature testes. Teddy, however, got his own back when he gave Hornswaggle an early present. After ‘Swaggle’s weird accent at the Slammy’s, Teddy gave him Rosetta Stone: Ebonics. I’m actually half way through it… THAT SHIT IS WHACK YO!

The next match up was Randy Orton v Wade Barrett in a Tables Match. It’s been a good feud and Wade has certainly been out-smarting Orton throughout. Perhaps this will be the night where Orton actually loses a fight. Whaa? OK the match was so-so and Boreton did pull out a few tricks but the match ended with a “surprise” RKO. It was pretty much the same finish as he kept doing with Christian. When will people learn not to jump towards Orton? Bitch will RKO you!

Backstage to Teddy Long once more but this time he had The Bella Twins on his lap. The two girls were working out their daddy issues until Teddy gave them both his number. He got a slap in return. Jack Swagger then turned up and took the piss out of Teddy for a bit. Sheamus then quickly followed and a match was made between Swagger and Sheamus. It definitely wasn’t filler. No-way José.

It was then time for some Divas action as Kelly Kelly took on Beth Phoenix for the Divas Title. This feud has been building up for literally days. Yup. This is all because Kelly slapped Beth at the Slammys. Oh Divas division. You shine so bright. Also, side note, what the fuck is up with Kelly Kelly? The noises she makes during matches are way too porny for me. Beth won, by the way.

We went backstage once more but this time it was to Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriquez. Turns out Ricardo forgot to sort out Del Rio’s car and that cars and food is his main job. Ricardo rushed off to get Del Rio some food and The Miz turned up. The two basically talked about how they weren’t friends anymore and then Del Rio said they weren’t even friends in the first place. It’s basically a high school argument between two anorexic bitches. Ricardo turned up with food but ended up getting it in the face (grow up).

It was finally time for Booker T v Cody Rhodes and I was over the… oh wait, no, Cody just attacked Booker again. But, once again, Booker just got back on his feet. Made no sense. If he was OK to stand he should’ve just done the match. So dumb.

Instead we were treated to Kevin Nash v HHH in a Sledge Hammer On A Rope match. I think it’s called that, I have no actual idea. Basically they have to climb a ladder to get the sledge hammer. An interesting premise poorly executed as they were allowed to use weapons anyway. So it wasn’t like they couldn’t have bought a hammer down regardless of the rules. But hey, who cares about glaringly obvious plot holes? Not this guy (nor WWE Creative obvs). The match actually wasn’t as poor as we’d expect and Nash even went through the table. He totally fucked up the pedigree but good ‘ole Trips managed to rescue the finish. Bravo, old men. Bravo.

We then got our first glimpse at CM Punk. Punk explained how horrified he was that John Laurinaitis accepted his Superstar Of The Year Slammy. I don’t believe him because I fail to see why he’d care about stupid awards. Anyway, he basically slammed The Miz and Del Rio and said he’s going to win. Standard.

Next up was the definitely-not-filler match of Sheamus v Jack Swagger. In all fairness, it was a good match but it was completely pointless. Sheamus won but it certainly made Swagger look good. The person I feel sorry for? Vickie Guerrero! Seems her Perfection Faction is unravelling.

Backstage once more to Matt Striker who interviewed the Big Show. Show was dressed as camouflage condom. He said the usual stuff about fisting Mark Henry. I dunno, I zoned out.

Then it was time for the actual Henry/Show match. It was a chairs match… no, me neither. It was just a match with chairs. They’re trying, you guys. Henry seemed to be in control and launched at Show with the chair but Show punched through it, knocking Mark Henry out. Show picked up the win to become World Heavyweight Champion.

Henry reacted to this the same way you’d expect him to react to someone eating his sandwich. He went ape-shit and beat down the Big Show. Next thing you knew, Daniel Bryan ran down and cashed in his Money In The Bank to win the World Heavyweight Champions. Bryan’s win sent shockwaves around the world, especially in North Korea where it stopped Kim Jong-Il’s heart.

We were then taken backstage once more where Booker T said, despite his pain; he was having his damn match.

The damn match then actually happened. It wasn’t as awful as I imagined it’d be but I am glad that Cody won because it would’ve made no sense for Booker T to have won. Cody won with a vicious knee the face which I’m pretty sure almost killed Booker. I wouldn’t want that but I am kinda hoping that Booker T has a mouth injury and can’t announce ever again. Please Jesus Claus grant my wish.

The final match was the WWE Title Triple Threat TLC match. That’s a lot of T’s. It was actually a fantastic match. I mean truly fantastic. I would say you should go away and watch this PPV if you haven’t anyway but if you, for some strange reason, are only able to choose one match then I’d choose this one. Ricardo Rodriquez going through the table from the top of the ladder was amazing. I really thought he was going to go into the crowd. Truly stunning.

All in all a great PPV. I say that you should go watch it.

Until next time,

XO-WB

I’d Happily Have 40+ Men Invade My Ring

So due to unforseen circumstances, my RAW recap is going to be delayed. But, here is the Friday Fitties gallery wordpress wouldn’t let me post yesterday. My internet hates me. Wah wah wahhhhh.

XO-WB

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Executive Vice President Of Recapping Relations

Wassup everybody? I know I’m real behind on blogging but I’m still having too much fun. Don’t worry, my drinking funds have dwindled so I’m hopefully going to free up more time soon. So, we’ll jump right to Night Of Champions where a lot went down.

We opened with The Miz and R Truth who did their awesome new rap. Seriously, I love it. It’s a nice throwback to the Kurt Angle days (pre-DUI and general hot mess). The match between Awesome Truth and AirBoom looked set to be actually rather dull. I think it’s great that Kofi and Evan are getting gold but in all honesty, they are becoming predictable in your basic stipulation matches. This match, however, took an interesting turn when the referee missed a tag between The Miz and R Truth. Whilst the ref was getting Truth out of the ring, Miz hit the Skull-Crushing Finale and got what would’ve been a clear win. The referee, however, was too late for the count and Evan kicked out to save the titles for himself and Kofi. Enraged at the ref’s actions, Miz and Truth beat him up.

Backstage the delectable Matt Striker interviewed the pair and the two showed no remorse saying that it was time that Triple H’s reign as COO came to an end. Holy foreshadowing, Batman. My favourite bit of The Miz/Truth opener? The Be A Star video they showed right after Miz and Truth beat down an innocent referee.

Next we had to last-minute Intercontinental Championship match. I’m a huge Cody Rhodes fan (dunno if you’ve noticed) but I did fear that DiBiase would only bring me beau down in the talent levels. Turns out the Billion Dollar heir must’ve gone out and bought some in-ring skills because the match wasn’t actually half bad. The match ended when DiBiase ripped the mask off Cody Rhodes and Cody used this as an opportunity to roll up Ted. There *may* have been some tights grabbing but who cares?

Then Christian came to the ring to moan yet again how he deserves another match. Christian’s character is getting old now and I’ve not liked the guy from the start. It’s clear they were hoping for another Edge but instead they’ve just got another Jannetty. Sheamus interrupted Christian and said that he’d make him a deal. Sheamus said he’d convince Teddy to give Christian another shot as long as Christian promised to let Sheamus have the first match of his reign. Christian excitedly agreed but then Sheamus just brogue kicked him. He should’ve shouted “PSHYC, FELLA”.

A Fatal Fourway was next on the card
A win here looked pretty hard
With the US Title firmly on the line
It could’ve been anyone of their time
The match was great and the men battled tough
A-Ry, JoMo, Swagger showed their goods
But in a last ditch attempt to remain on top
Ziggler sneaked a win and Swagger was robbed
Vickie Guerrero was the real winner here
If it was Ziggler or Swagger she didn’t really care
But at least for now I can comfortably say
The Dolph Ziggler ain’t going away

Backstage, Mark Henry was interviewed by Josh Matthews. Josh kept saying that everyone basically thought Mark Henry was too fat and old to be World Heavyweight Champion. Henry, obviously, wasn’t keen on this and told Josh to come interview him after he wins.

Further backstage, Matt Striker interviewed Vickie Guerrero who declared herself the best person in the history of WWE, told Striker she deserves COO and then kissed him. I think I love her.

Then it was time for Orton v Mark Henry. I must admit, I didn’t really care for this match at all. Any match with Mark Henry was going to be pretty limited to your basic slams and having Orton thrown in the air. It turns out, I was right but it did look like Orton was going to beat the odds and join his BFFL Cena in the Superman stakes. That however, didn’t actually happen and it turns out WWE wanted to see how the audience would react to a fat sweaty black dude being the face of the company. Sadly, not everyone took Henry’s win as a good thing…

We went backstage again where John Laurinaitis was taking to Del Rio. Del Rio wasn’t happy about having his ring announcer team up with him but Laurinaitis said it wasn’t his idea. He wished Del Rio luck on his future endev… future match up. He then wished Punk luck and Punk basically said that he knew Laurinaitis didn’t mean it. Laurinaitis then reminded us of his job title. I am so bored of him repeating that, nobody else does. I get they’re trying to make him the new on-screen villain but seriously, you couldn’t get that anywhere else. If I answered the phone in work going I’m Joe, Executive Vice President Of Admin Assistance, somebody would end up getting their wig split. That somebody… is me.

It was then the Divas match between Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix. I don’t even want to recap it because it makes me mad that Beth lost. Especially in her hometown. Props, however, must be given for the amazing superplex the two pulled off. I’ve never seen that in a Divas match before and was half expecting Kelly to snap into two.

Then it was Del Rio v Cena for the WWE Title. It got off to a strange start when Del Rio ended up walking to the ring. Next thing we know, Cena turns up in the car that Del Rio was supposed to be driving. Uh oh. Cole, of course, went mental and started screaming that it was Grand Theft Auto which I can’t actually take seriously anymore after playing the game. Cena then decided he should get his own intro and decided to introduce himself. He did, however, let Justin Roberts in on the action.

The match, actually, wasn’t too bad and I’m glad Cena won. I’m a Cena fan believe it or not and I don’t care for all that whining about him being Superman etc. He’s a great guy and fun to watch. So nerrr.

We then reached our finale. Triple H v CM Punk. Pride and the COO title was on the line. Would we have a new boss by the end of the match? The match itself was epic and if you don’t do anything after this recap then I demand you go find it on YouTube. It had the essence of ECW with Triple H’s amazing flare to make every single move he does look meaningful. The two slugged it out all over the area but it was when they got back into the ring that things got interesting. As the two began to battle it out in the ring, The Miz and R Truth ran down and kicked the crap out of both of them. The next thing we know, they’re letting Punk cover Triple H. The referee was reluctant to count but Miz made him. Triple H, however, kicked out so Punk and Miz beat on yet another referee. John Laurinaitis then came down to the ring as Triple H and Punk knocked Miz and Truth to the outside. Trips then hit Punk with the pedigree. As Trips pinned him, a referee ran down to the ring but was stopped by Laurinaitis. We then saw Punk hit the GTS and go for the pin. Laurinaitis then THREW a referee into the ring but R Truth broke up the count (which I don’t understand).

Then things got odder
And it wasn’t your usual fodder
John L took out his cell
And text someone to come and help
The next thing we see really took be aback
It was Kevin Nash who was on the attack
Down went Punk and then Triple H
But Nash only had one guy to disgrace
He beat on Trips like a tramp on chips
And it seemed like Punk was in on this
But we didn’t have time to blink or stammer
As Trips hit Nash with his sledge hammer
Back in the ring, Trips hit the pedigree
To make his mark in WWE history.

So Triple H won but it was clear that the EVP of Talent Relations was up to something. But what happened next? Check back soon for my RAW Recap.

 

Summer Slam It In Me

So tonight sees the Summer version of Wrestlemania, Summerslam. It’s always been an important show and it’s going to be a big one again with CM Punk and Cena facing off and the suspect Triple H is officiating. So, what of that match and the others? Here are my predictions.

Kelly Kelly v Beth Phoenix (Diva’s Championship)

Beth’s entire demeanour has changed as she has teamed up with Natalya to form the Divas Of Doom. They’re tired of the Barbie doll world. Where I am happy Beth is finally getting a push its clear creative waited a few months and just crossed out Kharma’s name off the script. Either way, I think that the win will go to Beth Phoenix with Eve and Natalya getting involved in the mix.

Bitch’s Prediction: Beth wins.

Daniel Bryan v Wade Barrett

Bryan is coming into Summerslam with a score to settle as Wade Barrett attacked him on Smackdown. Barrett is looking to step out of the shadows of Nexus and Corre and prove he is a strong singles competitor. Daniel Bryan, however, is the Money In The Bank holder. With WWE it tends to be that the bigger guy wins and I don’t think tonight will be any different.

Bitch’s Prediction: Wade Barrett wins.

Sheamus v Mark Henry

Two giants going head to head and this is one match that I really cannot call. Mark Henry has had great success in taking down the likes of Big Show, Kane and Kozlov but its clear Sheamus troubles him. It’s interesting that there has been no stipulation added to this match especially considering Henry’s penchant for throwing people through tables. With DQ still in play, I think Henry will get himself DQ’d and go on the attack only for Sheamus to take control as the feud rolls on.

Bitch’s Prediction: Sheamus wins via DQ.

Christian v Randy Orton (No Holds Barred, WHC title)

This has been going on far too long and it’s becoming boring. No matter what happens tonight, please God let this be the end. With HHH as COO and Teddy Long presumably heading for the exit due to bonking Aksana, it’s time this madness finished. That’s why I think the match can only end one way.

Bitch’s Prediction: Randy Orton wins.

John Cena v CM Punk (WWE Title w/ HHH as Special Guest Ref)

The match that is making the WWE Universe breath the most sighs on worry is this one. With HHH’s role as COO has come a suspicion that he isn’t all that he seems. HHH says he wants to call this one down the line but in the world of WWE, it’d make no sense. I’m a HHH fan but history dictates that he’ll probably be the one we’re made to focus on as Summerslam comes to a close.

But, who will he help? It’s rumoured that Cena will take a heel turn and team with HHH to screw Punk over, there’s rumours of the same for Punk. I personally think that Cena will turn heel tonight and HHH will help him pick up the win.

Bitch’s Prediction: John Cena wins.

Other Predictions

–          Cody Rhodes will face Big Zeke for the IC Title

–          McGillicunty & Otunga will defend also

–          HHH will open the show

–          There will be a god awful segment involving Keystone Light’s Keith Stone, the Divas and Swimwear

Either way enjoy the show. I want to hear your predictions. You can leave a comment, tweet me or ask me via Tumblr.

XO –WB

Banks For Playing

Well tonight is the one we’ve all been waiting for! But who will win? Everyone has their opinion and since it’s my blog, I’ll give mine!

Kelly Kelly v Brie Bella (WWE Divas Title)

It’s a shame that it’s come to this but since Kharma got pregnant, they had to go somewhere with the Divas. Sadly, it looks like they’re going down the LayCool route because, apparently, women can only be beautiful or bitchy.

I have a feeling that Kelly Kelly will be able to keep hold of her title. As for how, I’m thinking that the match will end up in a DQ.

Big Show v Mark Henry

This is a match I never thought I’d look forward to but, alas, I absolutely am. It’s clear that things are going to get heated after months of angry exchanges. Big Show is still fuming from Henry’s sneak attacks but Henry seems to be overpowering him every time. The question is, has Big Show recovered enough to defeat the monster?

My guessing is that the match will be brutal and we will see things we’ve never seen before. I’m unsure as to which way this will go but I’m putting my money on a Big Show win.

Smackdown Money In The Bank Match

These Money In The Bank matches are extremely hard to call so I’ll give a breakdown of each contender and their chances.

Justin Gabriel: He’s new to the singles competition game and he’s still a lot to learn before he can make it to the top. It’d be a huge shock if J-Gay was able to pick up the win but I highly doubt it. I see him being a major high flyer in this match but I do not forsee a win.

Heath Slater: Again, it’d be a major shock as Heath is also fresh. I am not entirely digging his character either and feel there will be a huge Justin Gabriel feud coming their way. It’s going to be a good match but not good enough for him to win.

Daniel Bryan: He’s really shown his value the past couple of weeks and his matches with Cody Rhodes have been fantastic. There’s enough of a fan base for people to be happy if he wins but I highly doubt that will happen.

Sheamus: A lot of people have money on this Ginger Giant to pick up the win but, again, I don’t think he will. He’s had a lot of momentum in the title race and it seems a little too obvious to hand over the win. Sheamus, quite frankly, doesn’t need it.

Sin Cara: WWE’s major signing of the year will ensure that this will be a high flying event and I look forward to seeing what this guy can do with a ladder but he’s a long while to go before he makes it big

Wade Barrett: It seems like natural progression to hand over the briefcase to this guy. He’s had a great Intercontinental run and his battles against Big Zeke have been brilliant. I just don’t see, personally, there being much in a title bid for him. So I’m going to say no to Wade.

Kane: I do not want Kane to win. It’s that simple.

Cody Rhodes: For me, the obvious choice. He already has a team of minions, a lot of heat and a great character going forward. The obsessive Cody Rhodes has a fire under him and I really think he’ll use that to pick up the win.

RAW Money In The Bank

As previous.

Evan Bourne: This cute little high flyer is sure to make moves in this match but it just won’t be enough. It’s just not his time.

Jack Swagger: Swagger is looking to rewrite history as his title reign has been forgotten. I just don’t think he will win this time but don’t get me wrong, he will be a major star in the future.

Kofi Kingston: This guy is always fantastic in these matches and I forsee him making moves we’ve never seen before but I don’t think it will be enough.

Rey Mysterio: We’ve not heard much from Rey in the build up to this event and I don’t think we’ll be hearing much after. There’s no way he’s winning.

Alex Riley: He’s made waves since coming into the WWE and I am sure he’ll gun after The Miz tonight. This, I feel, will be his downfall as I think The Miz will be knocked out early only to creep back in.

Alberto Del Rio: Del Rio says it’s his destiny to win. I say I’m destined to be bored if he does. No thanks.

R Truth: I’m hoping there are no spiders in the ring tonight or Truth is straight out of the game. I think his crazy will see him right through but, after having his shot not too long ago, I don’t see him winning.

The Miz: Miz’s win last year caused waves in the WWE and I think he’ll go two for two. He’s must-see and I must-see him win tonight.

Randy Orton v Christian (World Heavyweight Title)

I’m so bored of this already it’s actually making my eyes water. I think these guys need to end it and they need to end it tonight.

I think Christian will pick up the win only for the Money In The Bank winner to cash in and win.

John Cena v CM Punk (WWE Title)

This is one I really cannot call. There have been loads of rumours flying around. Will The Rock show up? Will HHH go after Punk? Will Punk really leave with the title? Will there be a Ring Of Honour invasion? Who knows?!

I have a feeling we’ll all be shocked tonight and I hope CM Punk picks up the win. I have a feeling there’s no way it’ll happen but I’m putting my money on it anyway.

Other Predictions:

– We’ll hear jokes about the banking crisis
– Dolph Ziggler and Vickie will be in a skit with Vince
– There will be an added match (I’m thinking New Nexus v Dolph and Drew McIntyre)
– Michael Cole will scream OH MY around 1000 times
– The Rock will make an appearance (either via satellite or in person) and get booed
– There will be a I Want Ice Cream chant

Enjoy the show.

XO-WB

Wish He Was Justin Sideme

As a big thank you for all the support this blog has been getting, here are some images from the most recent edition of WWE Superstars with the utterly lickable Justin Gabriel.

Nom!

XO-WB