Raw In Jokes

Hey, it’s Wrestlemania week. We had one last week, we’ll have one this week.

It’s Raw In Jokes.

XO-TWB

–          John Cena opened Raw saying that he will beat The Rock. An achievable goal as long as he’s not talking about DVD sales

–          Seth Rollins referred to the crowd as “Fool Hardy”. WWE were just pleased to have a Hardy on TV without having to pay for their rehab

–          Jack Swagger debuted a new shirt. It’s the perfect gift for any fashion focussed racist

–          WWE attempted to get fans excited about Triple H’s Wrestlemania Retirement match by having “retired” Superstar Shawn Michaels make yet another appearance. Because nothing gets me more excited about a stipulation than someone who can’t stick to it

–          CM Punk and Paul Heyman shocked the WWE Universe as Paul Heyman donned Paul Bearer make up and CM Punk dressed like a druid. The Undertaker has repeatedly come out badly in his interactions with Punk making us wonder if he’s quite up to task. I’ll ponder this in…

‘TAKER IT OR LEAVE IT

–          The Undertaker is so old he’s having to change his nickname to the Weenom

–          The Undertaker is so old the only streak he has to worry about is the stain he leaves when he can’t make it to the bathroom at night

–          The Undertaker is so old he’s having to change his new finisher to The Last Bus

Now, I don’t want you to think I’m anti-Taker. So for all you Undertaker fans, I give you.

CM & Weep

–          CM Punk represents the WWE Universe as much as Paula Deen represents healthy eating

–          CM Punk dresses like a hobo. Whenever he speaks, I don’t know whether to applaud or send food

–          CM Punk is a huge fan of The Walking Dead. If he’s such a fan of mindless zombies, how come he never dated Kelly Kelly?

Rockin’ Raw Poetry Recap

Hey all.

As you know I often try to come up with unique ways to give you your Raw Recap. This week is a poem.

Enjoy…

XO-TWB

This week on Raw was mostly a tribute
But even that turned into major dispute
The cad that is Punk interrupted Undertaker
Who was paying tribute to Paul Bearer, who’d sadly met his maker
Evil Punk soon found himself placed in a match with Kane
His protests fell on deaf ears, his anger all in vein

Big Show tried to step up
And take down The Shield
But, much like acting, this wasn’t his strongest field
The gang were far too much for even the Big Show
He was soon laid on his back and The Shield gained a new foe

Ziggler faced Daniel Bryan
The match was rather great
But even when Dolph had won
They rubbed it in Bryan’s face
AJ signalled for Big E to lift him on his back
Soon D-Bry was up in the air, and the goat hit the mat

Fandango was supposed to wrestle
But he refused to yet again
His problem is that nobody seems
To know how to say his name

The New Age Outlaws were in a match
Against The Rhodes Scholars
But Brock Lesnar interrupted to boos and to hollers
Brutal Brock hit F5 and Heyman took to the mic
They said Triple H could have the match…
But they’d pick what ever stipulation they’d like

Kofi faced Mark Henry and Kingston was just squashed
I guess it’s nice to see it but I didn’t care to watch
Henry will face Ryback soon as the giant faces another
I hope I will change my mind but right now I’m like “oh, brother”

The Bella Twins returned on Raw
With Rhodes Scholars they did flirt
Poor Kaitlyn was stood there but was soon kicked to the curb!

Ryback faced Heath Slater
The Ginger was soon ground
Ryback really is the meanest Will Sasso Lookalike around

Del Rio faced Antonio
It was a match that was quite fun
But his feud with Jack Swagger well,
That’s only really just begun

Rhodes Scholars returned to the ring
In a match with new opponents
Sadly for this duo, Orton and Sheamus owned it
With an RKO and a brogue, their luck was truly out
A Shorton victory made the crowd scream and shout

A highlight reel with Jericho was soon invaded
As Brad Maddox tried to explained a match, well, he’d made it
The Miz faced Jericho in a match that was short lived
As Wade Barrett interfered and soon had his skull crushed in
A Code Breaker finish defeated this British monster
But no doubt he’ll get his revenge in a title contest

Swagger faced Sin Cara
After victory he tried to hurt him
So Alberto soon ran in like a Mexican Peter Parker
He and Swagger soon battled, Del Rio with the upperhand
But this will still continue until Swagger has the belt in hand

Then we had the main event
Punk went up against Kane
And thanks to the Undertaker, his brother won that game
But with the Urn that once held such power
CM Punk bashed in Kane’s skull as we closed the third hour.

The WWEek In Jokes

Hey all,

It’s been a crazy week in WWE.

So why not make jokes? It’s The WWEek In Jokes.

Enjoy.

XO-TWB

–          The WWE Universe this week lost the great Paul Bearer. Bearer will receive a traditional WWE burial… via a Triple H promo

–          Jimmy Uso was arrested for a DUI. When asked why, he said he was just trying to act like a championship contender

–          The Rock has announced he’d like to be in the new Star Wars. The Rock already has close connections with the film as Carrie Fisher also regularly hits Rock Bottom

–          Fandango is refusing to enter the ring until people say his name properly. Which makes him very similar to my ex

–          Brock Lesnar interrupted a New Age Outlaws match-up. The Outlaws, part of D-X, were destroyed. Brock shouldn’t be too proud, the last beefed up mess to destroy D-X was Chyna