Guess Who’s Back…

Hey everyone! No Friday Fitties gallery this week due to an issue with the video feed. The images aren’t great quality and I like to provide the best. Instead, here are my predictions for this year’s Royal Rumble.

The 30-Man Royal Rumble Match

There’s a lot of speculation over who it could be. This year WWE have really pushed the fact that literally ANYONE can enter the Royal Rumble. This opens up the PPV in many ways because it means that people can do double duty. So, it means that the guys already in matches can enter.

There is a lot of talk about the winner being either Chris Jericho or Randy Orton. I think there’s a lot of weight behind the Chris Jericho argument. He’s made it very clear that the world as we know it is going to change. In fact, it’s almost like the WWE is TRYING to tell us he’s going to win. Then there’s Randy Orton. He’s back after an injury but his feud with Wade Barrett seems far from over as their match on Smackdown was a non-starter. I don’t think either Randy Orton is going to be the winner. As I feel Randy Orton doesn’t have any fire behind him. Nobody WANTS him to be a champion. I have a feeling Orton is going to eliminate Barrett and Barrett will eliminate Orton.

My money is on Chris Jericho. My reasons for which I will list below.

WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO

CM Punk v Dolph Ziggler w/Special Guest Referee J-Lau (WWE Championship)

So, a simple segue into this discussion. There’s a lot of theory around this match and what will happen. J-Lau has already been told that if he screws Punk then he won’t have a job. I’ve been talking about my Y2J/Stephanie McMahon theory for a very long time now and I believe it’ll tie into this match… I think that Stephanie is working against Triple H. Triple H as COO was actually pretty fair and, it turns out, is pro-Punk. In fact, when Otunga read out the letter on Raw, Punk said that Triple H was going to come back and do the right thing. This is where I feel Stephanie will be involved. She doesn’t want to do the right thing; she doesn’t want a guy like Punk as champion. I believe she’s the girl in the It Begins videos.

So how does that tie into this match? I think that the match will be real good; I think it’ll be great but I think it’ll end in a DQ. How exactly that will happen, I’m not too sure. I’m presuming it’s going to involve J-Lau being knocked out and Triple H bringing another referee to the ring who catches Vickie or Swags getting involved. Either way, it’ll be a DQ.

Everyone will be pissed off. I then think that Jericho will be helped in the Rumble. I think that it could possibly end up with Kevin Nash and Chris Jericho as the final two contestants and Nash throws himself over. Or, possibly, the lights will go down (all but Jericho’s jacket) and then everyone will have been eliminated declaring Jericho the winner.

Then on Raw we’ll get the reveal… as Triple H goes to fire J-Lau he’s interrupted by Chris Jericho AND… his wife. She says that she has control from the Board, which she’s been behind it all along, Trips is weak etc.

WINNER: CM PUNK

Daniel Bryan v The Big Show v Mark Henry [ Triple Threat Steel Cage Match] (World Heavyweight Championship)

An interesting feud here that has one prong too many. I think that they’re trying to work Mark Henry into the match so he’s still seen as dominant, but at the same time, it’s distracting from the real story where we’re supposed to decide who is turning heel.

It’s very clear that Daniel Bryan is becoming an asshole. But it’s Big Show who is also showing change. He’s gotten angrier, louder, more unpredictable. Nothing makes anybody crazier that guilt.

The other problem we have is that every time Show and Henry have a match, something gets broken. So I think it’s safe to assume that this isn’t going to be much of a cage match.

I also think that AJ will be wheeled to the ring in a neck brace, looking very injured and that will distract The Big Show.

So who will win? I predict that The Big Show will take out Mark Henry but the ruckus between the two ends up slightly hurting AJ. Show goes to check on her (this is presuming they break the cage) and AJ stands up and kicks him in the nuts. Bryan gets a few chair shots in, rolls him into the ring and makes Show tap.

Bryan and AJ celebrate… the new heel couple.

WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN

John Cena v Kane

This has been a storyline I’ve not cared much for but it’ll be an interesting match. Cena’s angry poopface indicated that he was starting to snap and all along Kane has been trying to get him to embrace the hate.

I think this match will end with Cena getting DQ’d… he goes too far and really rips into Kane. Referees, trainers etc and throws aside by a furious Cena who then pulverises Kane. Cena is finally held back and realises what he’s become whilst Kane gets up on his feet, laughs and sets off his pyro… his mission complete.

WINNER: KANE

So, they’re my predictions… what are yours? Hit me up!

Code Red

Jan22

Before I even got chance to watch Smackdown, I was alerted to the fact there would be a Cody Rhodes/Justin Gabriel match. I was, quite frankly, wet with anticipation. The match-up didn’t disappoint and I had to watch it 4 times to see the whole thing as I kept getting, um, distracted. Here’s hoping that once the Goldust stupidity is over, C-Rho and J-Gay whip themselves up a little feud.

This match, along with others, have all been screencapped for your viewing pleasure.

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continue your wank

Get Your Posse Wet

Jan15

This week’s Smackdown was a fantastic show. I really, really enjoyed it (omg at the ending too!) but Smackdown on Wrestlebitch isn’t about the action in the ring, it’s about the action that makes your ring tingle.

Here’s a gallery of the hottest moments from our Friday Fitties.

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continue your wank

Best Of 2011

Dec30

Hey everyone!

Decided that a gallery shouldn’t be my last post of 2011 so I’m here with Wrestlebitch’s 30 best WWE moments of 2011 (starting from when I began the blog in April!)

So here we go (they’re in date order, not order of my favourites. This ain’t no awards show).

1. The Cena Bait and Switch

Remember how, at the 2011 Draft we all thought Cena was going to Smackdown. The internet blew up with people shocked, many annoyed and dirtsheets predicting this was the WWE launching into a new Attitude Era. Then, at the end of the show, Cena was re-drafted to RAW. Remember that? Haha.

2. Kofi leg drops Sheamus through a Table at Extreme Rules

This was a huge move and very memorable. It really made me think that Kofi is going to be a huge part of WWE in the future. I have never been a huge Kofi fan but he always brings out the big moves when he needs to and this certainly didn’t disappoint.

3. Kharma debuts

On the very same night, Michelle McCool said goodbye to WWE but after her match against Layla a dark force entered the WWE. The internet had been abuzz with rumours about Awesome Kong joining the ranks and people were real excited. Kharma didn’t disappoint, slamming McCool into the mat and making her mark… for now at least.

4. Eric on Tough Enough

Eric on Tough Enough was terrible. He was in the show for all the right reasons but, sadly, he just wasn’t working hard enough to make the cut. He turned up to the show out of shape and week after week he showed himself to be a poor contender. It wasn’t until he had to be rescued from a rope obstacle course that Stone Cole finally said goodbye to this great lump of stupid.

5. Martin has to leave Tough Enough

In an injury-packed episode, one of the series’ favourites Martin gets an ankle injury and is forced to leave his show. Fans and trainers alike were devastated when this hunk with talent lost out on his dream. There certainly wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

6. Alex Riley & The Miz try to cheat a win

When The Miz gained the upper hand in his I Quit match with Cena at Over The Limit it was clear something was up. Cena has never quit before and people were certain that it’d never happen again. It wasn’t, however, to be as it turned out Alex Riley and The Miz had recorded Cena saying I Quit and played it over a microphone. The match was restarted and John Cena got The Miz to say those all-important words.

7. Kharma’s exit

Just when everyone was getting excited about Kharma and her destroying the WWE Divas, it was clear something wasn’t quite right. The internet was buzzing with rumours about injuries, how she had failed a drug test but then Kharma made a shock announcement… she was pregnant. This then caused a huge spiral in the Divas Division resulting in lack of storylines and bad matches. It was a great exit speech though.

8. Alex Riley attacks The Miz

Simply for the homoerotica this was a great moment of 2011. It also lead to a great feud with many a great match. Sad to see that A-Ry has all but disappeared. I guess A-Ry’s DUI let him awry.

9. Punk meets Austin

In an hilarious exchange, Punk (pre-Best In The World) confronted Austin backstage when Austin was guest host. Punk didn’t take kindly to Austin’s portrayal of beer drinking and Austin had a few stern words in reply. Interesting considering Punk is now firmly in the Austin role.

10. Mark Henry’s Hall Of Pain

When Big Show attacked Mark Henry on the Smackdown before Capitol Punishment, Henry decided he wouldn’t take it on the chin. He turned up to take on Big Show and put him through a table. This was the start of Mark Henry’s hall of pain.

11. Punk Shoots

Back in July 2011, we were subjected to a real shock. During Raw’s “RAW Roulette” special, Punk was growing increasingly annoyed at John Cena’s resilience. After Cena was put through a table in the Main Event, Punk came out with a microphone and had a few stern words to say. It was brilliant.

12. Henry pushes Big Show & Drew McIntyre off the stage

Continuing his Hall Of Pain rampage, Mark Henry literally rammed Big Show off the RAW stage during his match with Drew McIntyre. It was fantastic.

13. Money In The Bank

Money In The Bank was, in my opinion, the best PPV of 2011. It even beat out Wrestlemania for me. It had everything… good stories, shock twists and surprise wins. The Money In The Bank matches themselves were great and then John Cena punching John Laurinaitis followed by CM Punk kissing goodbye to the WWE. It was all fantastic viewing.

14. Vince is relieved of his duties

Vince McMahon told John Cena that, should he lose to Punk at MITB he’d be fired. Vince was determined to see this through and the fans waited with baited breath. What we got instead though was Triple H who announced that the board had issued a vote of No Confidence over Vince and that he was relieved of his duties. Vince then cried. It was soap opera fabulousity.

15. Punk returns

In a jam-packed RAW, Triple H decided we needed a new champion. Rey Mysterio was to face The Miz but Vince being relieved of his duties got in the way. Rey got his match and picked up the win but HHH said that wasn’t fair and John Cena should get his rematch. Cena did so and beat Mysterio becoming the new WWE Champion. CM Punk however, caused a ruckus when he returned with HIS WWE title. Two belts… but who would be champion?

16. Skinny Fat Ass

Punk’s return irked many people, especially COO Triple H. Triple H had a few stern words about Punk but Punk had a few of his own. After making barbs at Stephanie McMahon, Triple H told Punk to shut up. Instead of those words, however, he told him he’d beat him on his skinny fat ass. This trended on Twitter for nearly a week intermittently.

17. Kevin Nash’s Return

Kevin Nash returned at Summerslam shocking the WWE Universe with a powerbomb to CM Punk (allowing Del Rio to cash in and become WWE Champion). People wanted answers and so did Punk and the next night on RAW the hilarity ensued as Punk read a text from his sister with some not nice things to say about Kevin Nash.

18. Triple H announces he’s Punk’s opponent

After firing Kevin Nash, Triple H called Punk into his office to tell him that he’d found a new opponent for him at Night Of Champions… HIM! Goosebumps.

19. Beth Phoenix Superplex’s Kelly Kelly

At Night Of Champions, Beth nearly snapped Kelly Kelly in half with an awesome move.

20. The Miz & R Truth apologise to Triple H

This apology was cute and humble. I loved it and really showed Miz’s great acting skills.

21. Hugh Jackman punches Dolph Ziggler

As Zack Ryder’s push builds bigger and bigger, he had Wolverine on his side when Guest Host Hugh Jackman decided to make Ryder his underdog. As it appeared Vickie was being underhand to help Dolph win, Hugh decided to get involved himself and knocked Dolph out allowing Ryder to pick up the win.

22. The WWE Walkout

After weeks of The Miz & R Truth beating on Superstars and Referees and other Superstars going crazy a team of Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Vickie Guerrero, Christian and David Otunga formed with John Laurinaitis to claim that the WWE had become an unsafe work environment. This then resulted in an Occupy WWE movement. John Laurinaitis then told Triple H to hold a vote of no confidence. He did so and everyone walked out leaving Triple H the sole survivor.

23. Big Show & Mark Henry make the ring collapse

It was awesome. The two men went to the top rope and the result was simply carnage.

24. Kevin Nash attacks Triple H with a sledgehammer

After Triple H demanded that John Laurinaitis resign Nash in order for him to face him, Nash appeared suddenly on the stage and took out Triple H with a sledgehammer. The fight continued backstage where Nash repeatedly beat on Trips leading to an EMT to ask if he was breathing. Brilliant.

25. CM Punk v Dolph Ziggler (November 21^st)

This was my favourite RAW match of 2011. I loved it.

26. Hornswoggle speaks

After winning a Christmas Wish on the Smackdown Holiday Special, Hornswoggle wished he could talk. He did. Sadly he turned out to be a little racist later on.

27. Kane Returns

After months out due to Mark Henry, Kane returned once more but this time he had something new… his mask. That’s right, Masked Kane returned but there was only one man he was after… John Cena.

28. TLC 2011

After Money In The Bank, this was the best PPV of 2011. Maybe I have a thing for ladders but it certainly bought around great moves, shock results and a really good crowd. I loved it.

29. Coby Rhodes

In terms of Comedy, this was perhaps the funniest moment in 2011. Santino is really under-utilised.

30. It Begins

These have been fantastic promos keeping everyone guessing. I personally think that Stephanie McMahon & Y2J will return. Many are calling me dumb for that as it’s DEFINITELY THE UNDERTAKER YOU GUYS!!!! I’m allowed to dream, yo.

So. That rounds up my 30 favourite moments from 2011. Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know.

Wrestlebitch is going to have a few changes in 2012 and I’m certainly looking for guest articles to post. If you feel you could write something Bitch-worthy then email me (wrestlebit@gmail.com) either the article or a pitch for the article. If I get a couple I might do a guest post week!

Happy New Year!

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Charm Your Snake

Dec23

Hey,

As promised here is my RAW gallery. Image quality isn’t great. Don’t know what happened there.

Either way, I hope you enjoy.

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Coby Got Beef

Dec22

Hey everyone!

This is going to be my last post (apart from the RAW Gallery) until the New Year now. Not sure of a comeback date but make sure you keep an eye on my Twitter from updates and plenty of other WWE and Non-WWE action. Shameless plug over, on with the show.

We began with CM Punk who gave himself an old-school introduction. It was basically there to wind up The Miz and Alberto Del Rio. CM Punk then came to the ring and said how epic he thought TLC was. He then “proudly” introduced Daniel Bryan or as I like to call him, Hypocrite McHypocriteson. Then, after Bryan, he introduced Zack Ryder. The men basically discussed how they were living the dream and yadda yadda yadda. Please. I run a semi-successful wrestling blog with a mainly gay audience that use my site to jack off to. I’M the real winner.

Predictably but wonderfully, the celebrations were cut short by The Miz, Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler. The three men are obviously still peeved that they lost their matches. So they made their way to the ring to take on the three “heroes” and were met with violence. Those big meanies. Also, major OMG at Ryder hitting Dolph after he jumped over the rope. I literally thought he was going to kill Dolph. The day was saved, however, by my personal hero, Executive Vice President Of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of RAW John Laurinaitis. I’m a huge fan of John because I too am into rimming.

So the main event was made. It would be three goodies vs three baddies. HUZZAH!

There was no chance they were going to ruin the high of the opening so they offered us a rematch of the Randy Orton/Wade Barrett bout. Oh wait, no, that totally killed my buzz. I used my usual Diva Match Urine supply to instead go relieve myself during this segment. I came back, however, to Barrett throwing Orton through a table. It was sweet relief but, sadly, Orton will be back. I mean, the man is an actual warhorse. He’s worked after major surgery… he had his personality removed.

We were then told by Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole that Kevin Nash would be out for six weeks. It was nice for them to be optimistic but Lawler quickly jumped in and hinted at the fact that it would possible be forever. Way to cover all bases, gurl.

It was then Diva time. I had already urinated so decided I’d just sit and watch. Luckily for me, it didn’t last long. The match was Beth Phoenix v Alicia Fox and it was an OK match that lasted an amazing one minute 25 seconds. Alicia did well and picked up the win. Sadly, she ruined it by wishing everyone a “FOX-AYYYY CHRISTMAS”. I hope a fox rips out her throat so we never have to hear he talk again.

After rummaging through my neighbours bins in a bid to get my “FOX-AYYYY CHRISTMAS” going on, we returned from a break and to Jinder Mahal and Sheamus. Or should that be Shameless because he’s meant to be a solid voice in the locker room yet he’s allowing Jinder Mahal to exist. His character, by the way, is basically “evil Asian man” because the WWE just hasn’t had enough of them, have they? It was boring. Sheamus picked up the win but in a match against Jinder Mahal there are no winners.

John Cena then came out. Not like that. It was to address the fact that Kane chokeslammed him on last week’s RAW. See, Cena wasn’t very happy but he wanted to let Kane know he would understand if it was an accident. An accident?! Really?! Who the fuck gets accidentally chokeslammed? I’ve been accidentally choked after mis-guessing my gag reflex but nobody gets accidentally chokeslammed. Cena said that if, on the off chance, it wasn’t an accident he wanted to face Kane there and then. He was, however, met by Mark Henry instead. Henry limped down to say he wasn’t happy. I presumed that catering hadn’t arrived but Henry was instead talking about Cena trying to make jokes. Nobody likes Cena trying to make jokes, why is he so bothered now? Henry got even more pissed off by the “Sexual Chocolate” chants. Oh the Attitude Era, we look back on you with such rose tinted glasses. Anyway, Kane’s pyro hit and he came down in that weird welder’s mask thing. I hope that doesn’t stick.

Kane then went after Cena and brutally beat him. Then he tried to smother him with his hand causing him to bleed. It was weirdly kinky.

Then for some reason RAW bled into Superstars and we had to suffer The Usos taking on Primo & Epico. I mean, I understand trying to beef up the Tag Team division now Evan Bourne is back but come on… these guys?! The Usos are about as fun as lube-less anal and as for Primo & Epico? Me no gusta. The Usos entrance is also stupid. It was the Siva Tau which is the Samoan war dance. I’m all for culture on our screens but it just looked like they were taking a dump whilst getting their tonsils checked. Dumbo and Dumbero won, however so I guess the war dance wasn’t even worth it.

We then went backstage to the man I’m determined to enter… into a civil partnership with Cody Rhodes. My future husband was interviewed by Josh Matthews and Cody basically said that the Royal Rumble ad was stupid and so was Booker T. I can NOT wait for our pillow talk. Santino then turned up with a present for Cody… or as he kept calling him “Coby” and it turned out to be a cobra in a box. I’d also like to put my hand in a box… Cody’s. Boom tish. It was actually hilarious and proof that WWE CAN do comedy.

Santino, however, quickly learnt that you don’t mess with Coby, I mean, Cody and Cody picked up the win.

We then had a lovely Tribute To The Troops segment. I like what the WWE does for the Troops. It warms my ice cold heart. I’m all for the Troops but even the most anti-conflict people must agree that we need another war… against Nickleback. It can’t just be me that’s done with them, right?

Backstage once more this time to EVPOTRAIRGM John Laurinaitis who was breaking up a fight between The Bella Twins. I can’t remember what they were fighting over because I tune out when I see them. I’m pretty sure it was probably over whose career will end first. Silly muffins, they’ll both die career-wise together and neither of them are talented. The Bella Twins kissed John and went away. Vickie Guerrero then stormed in demanding Dolph get justice. Hornswaggle snook up on her and forced a kiss under mistletoe. I’m loving Hornswaggle’s new character: racist, sexist and now… a rapist. But it’s OK because he’s a little person.

Then there was a dumb interview between Josh Matthews and The Big Show where Josh basically made fun of Show and said pretty much that he’s a loser. Big Show should’ve punched him. I would’ve.

We then had the main event. Punk/Bryan/Ryder all came down through the crowd. It was actually pretty awesome as an entrance and it was nice to see the fans go so crazy. The bad guys then came down and the match was underway. Considering most of these guys went through hell and back at TLC the previous night, it was a REALLY good match. I honestly think that a Cody/Daniel Bryan feud would be amazing. They work well together.

The good guys picked up the win, flashed their new bling and then re-entered the crowd to share the victory.

With that the show was over and so is this recap.

My RAW gallery will be the last thing I post for a while now so I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. When I started this blog in April I had no idea what it’d be come and I look forward to making 2012 the Year Of The Bitch.

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