Twas the night of Wrestlemania
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even Stardust
The snacks were laid out in the fridge with care
In hopes that the Big Show wouldn’t be there
The beers were nestled all snug in their place
The Network buffered quickly with a smile on my face
Ladder Match contenders stood praying for a push
Dolph Ziggler was oiling from his neck to his tush
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
Many superstars were brawling, looking for dreams to shatter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
To enter the ring and try to win the Andre The Giant Match
The glare of my TV on leather sofa that’s actually faux
Gave the lustre of moonlight to the laminate flooring below
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Paul Heyman announcing Brock Lesnar was here
With a beefy presence, and a neck so thick
Brock flexed his biceps and let Heyman do all of his schtick
More rapid than eagles his opponent soon came
And he bounced through the crowd and roared Lesnars’ name
“Believe that” Roman warned to this calculating man
The problem is Brock just didn’t give damn
To the corner of the turnbuckle to the top of the tron
Wrestlemania was soon starting, the excitement had begun
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
There was a boo from the crowd and a glint in an eye
Triple H makes his way to prove he’s the King
And defeat the throne’s threat, the enigmatic Sting
And then, in a twinkling, came word from backstage
Russian music played out and the crowd went to a rage
Rusev appeared with Lana in tow
Soon then came John Cena screaming “let’s go”
A lightning bolt hit and Undertaker appeared
Bray Wyatt’s demands was finally adhered
The Show of Shows is all about glamour
But as I went to sit down I heard such a clamour
His thighs how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
And I counted an 8 pack adorned on his belly
His droll little mouth was drawn like a bow
As he told me he’d soon hit an RKO
Seth Rollins his opponent didn’t care for him at all
But I was soon to discover who’d really stand tall
With J&J security at his side helping him win
Like a Diva’s waist, his chances are thin
Revenge is coming, she smiled to say
But that wouldn’t be too easy for crazy AJ
Her friendship with Paige is what she needed to tackle
But The Bellas just watched as they let out a cackle
I spoke not a word as the music soon played
The games were over, the WWE logo displayed
Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL too
Welcomed us to Wrestlemania with a how-do-you-do
The fireworks exploded and the excitement rose
I felt a buzz from my head right down to my toes
As Jerry Lawler beamed and roared, getting zanier and zanier
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen”… “To WRESTLEMANIA!”
Twas the night of Wrestlemania
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even Shea-mouse
The snacks were laid out in the fridge with care
In hopes that the Big Show wouldn’t be there
The beers were nestled all snug in their place
Sky Box Office was booked with a smile on my face
Damien Sandow stood praying for a Wrestlemania push
Dolph Ziggler was oiling from his neck to his tush
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
Many superstars were brawling, looking for dreams to shatter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
To enter the ring and try to win the Memorial Match
The glare of my TV on leather sofa that’s actually faux
Gave the lustre of moonlight to the laminate flooring below
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Paul Heyman announcing Brock Lesnar was here
With a beefy presence, and a neck so thick
Brock flexed his biceps and let Heyman do all of his schtick
More rapid than eagles his opponent soon came
And he sounded the gong and roared Lesnars’ name
“Rest In Peace” he warned to that calculating man
The problem is Brock just didn’t give damn
To the corner of the turnbuckle to the top of the tron
Wrestlemania was soon starting, the excitement had begun
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
There was a boo from the crowd and a glint in an eye
This was The Authority, dressed to impressed
Ignoring the crowd’s chants of “Yes, Yes, Yes”
And then, in a twinkling, came word from backstage
The lights went dark from locker room to stage
The Wyatts appeared so gloomy and strange
Soon then came John Cena screaming with rage
A goat mask to hand, he had one demand
That The Wyatts pay for their actions that were so underhand
The Show of Shows is all about glamour
But as I went to sit down I heard such a clamour
His thighs how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
And I counted an 8 pack adorned on his belly
His droll little mouth was drawn like a bow
As he told me he’d soon hit an RKO
Batista his opponent didn’t care for him at all
But I was soon to discover who’d really stand tall
Then I saw a man with a broad face and dead eyes
Who warned of a threat for both of those guys
A Triple Threat will be coming, he smiled to say
But The Shield soon tore Corporate Kane away
Randy sighed deep and went off in a sulk
But in the background there was laughter from the legend Hulk
I spoke not a word as the music soon played
The games were over, the WWE logo displayed
Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and JBL too
Welcomed us to Wrestlemania with a how-do-you-do
The fireworks exploded and the excitement rose
I felt a buzz from my head right down to my toes
As Jerry Lawler beamed and roared, getting zanier and zanier
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen”… “To WRESTLEMANIA!”
This week’s Raw was a real doozy. Royal Rumble is up there with my favourite WWE PPVs, so the Raw before it had to be good.
Can I also say how much I’m loving The Rock’s run this time around? He really does make me laugh.
Anyways, in terms of story, where are we at?
Vickie Guerrero & Paul Heyman
These two are growing ever closer as WWE hints more and more at an alliance between the two. The two previous enemies are conspiring together to destroy their mutual enemy – The Rock. This week they both enjoyed taunting The Rock because Vickie had him banned from ringside.
However, we all know that Paul Heyman is a man who uses people when he needs to and, well, Vickie always loves being around people who shower her with compliments so this evil partnership could be over before it even truly starts but a Vickie/Paul Raw takeover would be amazing.
The Big Show & Alberto Del Rio
Ever since he got an unbreakable, Big Show has been relatively unstoppable. He doesn’t care about the fans adoration, he just wants to win gold. This means he’s more ruthless than ever. He proved that further this week when he beat Zack Ryder in what has to be some sort of record time for the Long Island Iced Z. Poor Ryder was out for the count and Show tried to count to ten but was interrupted by the WWE Universe.
I sort of feel sorry for Show. He’s tried all his life to be accepted by the fans but they’ve never been truly behind him. He’s always stood out for being a giant. I feel like, deep down, he just wants to be loved.
Either way, Show sent a clear message to his Rumble opponent Alberto Del Rio that he’s not to be messed with. Del Rio then did the same by defeating another giant, Lord Tensai. With that Del Rio was able to say “David always beats Goliath”.
Brad Maddox
I can’t help but think there’s more behind the Brad Maddox story. The obvious guess is that he’s secretly the one behind The Shield. Who knows? First of all, Brad Maddox managed to finally convince Paul Heyman to take him on as a client. Heyman promised Maddox that he’d “make him famous”.
Maddox then appeared on commentary after jumping the barrier during the Ryder/Show match. Maddox is great on commentary and he plays the douchebag confidently.
Either way, we have seen the last of Brad Maddox and I couldn’t be happier. Dude knows how to rock formal wear.
CM Punk & The Rock
This week was more of the same between this pair and I don’t mean to sound negative there. It’s not a bad thing. There’s a clear narrative here. Punk hates how Rock can just walk back in to a title opportunity when he’s scratched and clawed his way through 433 (as of today) Days of being champion. The Rock, however, hates that Punk doesn’t respect the fans. The people. Punk thinks the people don’t matter but to, The Rock, they’re all that matters.
I’m excited for their match because, just like Rock/Cena, I really can’t predict it.
CM Punk & Mr McMahon
These two men have never gotten along and Vince once again thwarted any future Punk plot. He warned Punk that, if The Shield interrupt in his match against The Rock, he’ll be stripped of his title.
Dolph Ziggler
Dolph’s progression continued on Raw when he beat the clock which allowed him to pick his number in the Rumble. Dolph’s continuous wins and triumphs mean he’s really starting to build momentum.
Dolph Ziggler & Sheamus
Dolph thwarted Sheamus’ attempts at being able to win the Royal Rumble beat the clock challenge. This is a continuation of the idea of Dolph taking what was Sheamus’ title. No doubt Sheamus will want his revenge at the Rumble.
Dolph Ziggler, AJ & Vickie Guerrero
Dolph and AJ’s relationship meant the end of his and Vickie’s. A shame really but I guess it had to end at some point. Dolph believes he now has power over his own path and that Vickie can’t affect him anymore. This quickly changed. Vickie still has the power and this meant that Dolph will enter the Rumble at either #1 or #2.
Team Hell No
Team Hell No graduated from anger management which I think signals a change in their dynamic. Now, they’ll be able to interact with each other better because they’ve learnt how to control it. These two are real fun together but I know all good things must come to an end. Perhaps without the help of Doctor Shelby, these two will pull apart.
Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole
The Cole/Lawler feud ended very quickly after Lawler’s heart attack and we’ve all been waiting at home for things to reset and Cole becoming a dick again. Truth is, commentary has worked much better with Lawler and Cole getting along and ribbing each other. Either way, the feud between them was well and truly over when Kane and Daniel Bryan forced them to hug.
The Shield
After attacking The Rock, it’s clear The Shield are out of control. Heyman tried to protest that they’ve attacked people who aren’t Punk’s opponents but it’s becoming a little too close to home. Could Punk really be behind The Shield? After all, he’s got previous with The New Nexus.
The Shield, however, kept their video promise to take down The Rock which means the targets on their other named foes have just gotten bigger. I have a feeling The Shield will have a huge presence at the Royal Rumble.
John Cena
I have a feeling that WWE doesn’t quite know what to do with Cena. Cena’s still at the top but he’s running out of places to go. He’s had a few passing-of-the-torch stories with Punk and Ziggler as well as a few high profile matches with The Rock and Brock Lesnar but it’s hard to see where Cena fits. It’s time for Cena to get properly into the title race.
If my prediction that WWE is to merge the belts using Dolph Ziggler is correct, I think that Cena will be his first opponent for the Unified WWE Championship. Otherwise, there isn’t much else for Cena to do.
So that’s my look back at Raw and the stories that developed.
This week’s Raw was less than stellar. People forgot names, stumbled over words and you could tell that everyone was hitting a lull. It’s understandable and has always been one of the strongest arguments for WWE to work in seasons rather than all-year. But… it’s a rare thing for WWE to be so monumentally terrible and here’s hoping it’s temporary.
The show began with Ryback facing Titus O’Neil. Already off to a bad start. There wasn’t much point to this match other than them needed an opening bout and to have Ryback get some screentime. The match wasn’t terrible but the outcome was inevitable. Titus did his best but Ryback destroyed him and picked up the win.
I suppose it was a nice lead-in to the confrontation with Vickie but it didn’t pay off. Firstly, it wasn’t entirely obvious that Ryback was holding the show hostage yet security were already on him. Also, why just go after that one security guy? Vickie came out and told Ryback she won’t have him hold her show hostage and that he needs to get out the ring. Ryback pointed out that her security probably couldn’t stop him (apparently three guys can but five can’t) to which Vickie suddenly decided to give into all his demands. This doesn’t seem like Vickie at all and it stood out really odd. Also, Ryback’s weird “angry jaw” thing is super annoying.
So, to sum up, Vickie agreed to a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match between CM Punk and Ryback for the WWE Title at, well, TLC. It just seemed very wedged in.
We were then shown some earlier footage from the backstage area. Basically, on Smackdown, Hornswaggle had tricked Rosa Mendes with a flower that squirts water. Rosa reacted badly because usually when something squirts in her face, her contract gets renewed. Backstage on Raw, Rosa confronted Hornswaggle asking why he didn’t want a piece of her. Hornswaggle replied telling her that she wasn’t all that. Alberto Del Rio then turned up and threatened to beat Hornswaggle up. The Great Khali and his two shattered knees then made an appearance to warn ADR away.
Khali and ADR then had a match. It was so-so and Khali is starting to get slower and slower. I know it’s all he knows but the guy is going to end up in a wheelchair. It’s hard to watch. Anyways, Ricardo managed to distract Khali to allow ADR to hit the cross armbreaker for the win.
Backstage once more where Vickie was confronted by CM Punk and Paul Heyman. Their argument was that Vickie was endangering her champion by putting him in a TLC match. Vickie said Ryback deserved it after “Punk’s boys” intervened. Both Vickie and Punk struggled to remember the name “Roman Reigns”. It was awkward but they powered through. Vickie then announced that Punk would face either Kane or Daniel Bryan, as chosen by a Raw Active poll.
Then came the dumbest part of the night. The Michael Cole interview with Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. Firstly, the interview was held in what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse rather than one of WWE’s swanky studios. The set-up looked more like a drug deal than an interview. Then, all three men were dressed like mall cops with overactive imaginations. Cole asked the men if they were hired by CM Punk. Dean Ambrose was the butter-faced team leader and I have to say, what an odd looking bloke. He looks like the picture that should be used in dictionaries when defining the term “troll”. He said that the men were simply a shield against injustice and that they were sit of sitting at NXT and watching WWE turn into a popularity contest. That’s right, the three men who only came to light due to internet POPULARITY were bemoaning popularity.
They said they were there to stop WWE heading in the wrong direction. Sadly, they must’ve missed an opportunity to stop the interview airing.
It was super, super dumb. The Shield looks super, super dumb and I am simply not yet buying the hype of these three men.
Next up was Tamina v Alicia Fox. The match was good but it was no Melina v Alicia Fox. Anyways, Tamina picked up the win.
Then more stupidity reigned as WWE desperately tried to squeeze the Cena/AJ/Vickie/Dolph sponge and hope some creative juices would pour out. What did we get instead? Vickie giving Cena the gift of his and her bathrobes and saying that he should enjoy it whilst it lasts because, soon, AJ will leave him and “his entire world will implode”. His. Entire. World. They’ve been dating 3 weeks. What is this? The Vampire Diaries? With that, AJ then arrived to berate Vickie. She said that she can do whatever she wants now and then kissed Cena.
Can we just stop for a second and discuss these kisses? Is it just me who is bitterly disappointed by Cena’s lip action? He kisses AJ like he’s kissing his mother.
Anyways, Dolph then came out. Things then took an interesting turn when it looked like the story was going to become a gay story. Dolph said that he knows why Cena got so mad and vicious and that he knows “what’s eating him up inside” and it made it seem like he was about to insinuate that Cena thinks about him when he’s kissing AJ but alas, he stated that AJ thinks about him. Damn. That would’ve been one hell of a swerve. Cena then went to kick the jiggle out of Ziggle but Vickie put the kibosh on it and announced the two would have a match later.
Again, REAL dumb.
Wade Barrett then made his way to the announce table for Kofi Kingston v Lord Tensai. Whilst on commentary, Wade slipped in that he’ll be facing Kofi for the IC title at TLC. So yeah, who needs build up?
Kofi picked up the win.
Backstage, Kane and Daniel Bryan began discussing who might get picked for the Raw Active poll. Bryan said that people simply love him and that he has data to prove it. He then displayed a hilarious electoral college map of the US and then The World which showed that everyone was going to vote for him. Always willing to ruin the party, Josh Matthews showed up to announce that Kane had won the poll and would face CM Punk later. Daniel Bryan was then informed that runner-up prize was a match with Rey Mysterio.
Daniel Bryan v Rey Mysterio was a simple match but it wasn’t terrible. Rey clearly shines much brighter in singles competition and Sin Cara doesn’t compliment him as a superstar. Kane and Bryan work perfectly but Mysterio and Cara have no chemistry. Anyways, Rey got the win.
Backstage once more, Rosa Mendes thanked ADR for his support. It was half-Spanish and half-English but I pretty much picked up that she was going to blow him later. Am I right? Si? Anyways, I always worry when WWE pairs their top stars with Divas in romantic storylines as it often means they’ve run out of solid ideas. Here’s hoping it’s all leading somewhere.
Meanwhile, apparent locker room lurker Josh Matthews interrupted Dolph warming up. He asked if Dolph had given Cena more incentive by making things so personal. Then Dolph said a bunch of things which were super awesome about how he’s Mr Money In The Bank and it couldn’t get better. He’s so dreamy. I am just as transfixed by the things coming out of his mouth as I am by the things I wish were going into it.
Then came the saving grace of the night and the only reason I don’t totally hate the “lovers” angle. Dolph and Cena got to wrestle. And boy, was it good. The match was fantastic and it almost felt PPV worthy. With Cena being attended to after tweaking his knee, Dolph tried to take off the turnbuckle padding. However, AJ came out to stop Dolph and foil his dastardly plan. Vickie soon followed and, when the referee was distracted, Dolph went to hit Cena with the Money In The Bank Briefcase but got hit with an AA instead.
Cena picked up the win and afterwards he and AJ shared another lustless kiss.
Sheamus v Antonio Cessaro was the next match. Sheamus gained the upperhand and knocked Antonio to the outside with a brogue kick. The Big Show, chair in hand, appeared on the stage. Sheamus won via count-out and Big Show looked to walk away but Sheamus instead took to the mic and announced that he’s going to retire Show at TLC and that he doesn’t care if it takes 100 chairs. The Big Show responded by ripping a steel chair to tiny pieces. Some poor intern backstage probably cried into his WWE Lanyard after working so hard to put that together. Cruel, Show. Cruel.
Damien Sandow went up against Zack Ryder and won in the next match. It was a pretty sweet match.
Then it was time for CM Punk v Kane. Kane has gotten better and better in-ring for me and I think that his partnership with Daniel Bryan has given him new life. Kane looked set to win but CM Punk hit the GTS from out of nowhere, just as The Shield began to appear. CM Punk picked up the win and The Shield bombarded the ring and beat on Kane. Punk acted bewildered and confused. Daniel Bryan then ran in but was a lamb to the slaughter. It was down to Ryback to save the day and it looked like he was going to. That was, until, CM Punk jumped back into the ring and beat on him. Ryback looked set to take Punk out too but The Shield got back the advantage and Punk slithered away.
Survivor Series was an interesting PPV with many twists and turns but what exactly went down? Well I’m glad you asked because I’ve only gone and done a bloody recap, so I have.
The show began with a bogus bonus elimination match. It was to be what I have dubbed Team Cara: Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd & Brodus Clay vs Team Albert: Lord Tensai, Prime Time Players, Primo & Epico. It was actually not a terrible match considering it was rather shoe-horned in and it’s nice to see that they’ve decided to build Tyson and Justin a little further. It did raise some worried over Brodus’ future as he was the only member of Team Cara to be eliminated.
I’m also worried about the Prime Time Player’s eyesight as their tights get uglier and brighter each week. It was a seemingly easy win for Team Cara.
Winner: Team Cara
My Prediction: No prediction due to shoe-in match
Score: 0-0
Backstage we saw Kaitlyn heading to ring until someone in a bad Goldust wig attacked her from behind. Kaitlyn gained the upperhand this time and unveiled the culprit as Aksana. UM… didn’t we already know Aksana was the culprit? Anyways, Eve turned up and said she’d “hate if anything happened to Kaitlyn before the match” to which Kaitlyn pushed Eve over and said the same thing. OMG. RUDE. Eve was trying to be nice.
Then came the actual match itself and I have to say, it was also pretty good. It’s a shame WWE crowds are general douchenozzles and the commentary team didn’t help much either but both women pulled off a good match. The beginning of the end for Kaitlyn began when Eve literally pulled the rug from underneath her. After hitting a neckbreaker, Eve picked up the win and also grabbed herself a little something extra.
Winner: Eve
My Prediction: Eve
Score: 1-0
Backstage once more but this time it was to the Team Foley locker room. All men were basically bickering as WWE tried to get across the “THEY HATE EACH OTHER, LIKE, LOTS” dynamic of the group. Mick tried to intervene and get the guys onside requesting they finger bang each other. However, Orton simply grunted and told Mick he hated him.
The next match was Antonio Cessaro v R Truth. I opted for Team Toilet Break and ignored most of this match. Two very dull men in what was no doubt a very dull match. Cessaro retained.
Winner: Antonio Cessaro
My Prediction: R Truth
Score: 1-1
Monday Night Raw then trickled into the Survivor Series fun with AJ Lee coming to the ring to make good on an earlier promise to reveal Vickie’s unsavoury antics. I and many others presumed they were going to finally reveal the hypocrisy of Vickie accusing AJ of getting too close to a superstar, *cough* Dolph Ziggler *cough*, but instead AJ went down the photoshop route of putting up fake images of Vickie in compromising positions. AJ missed a few tricks with it but it was kinda funny. Vickie was furious and AJ reminded her Vickie wasn’t allowed to hit her. Then, inexplicably, Tamina came to the ring to beat down AJ. M’kay…
Josh Matthews was then backstage interviewing Paul Heyman and questioned CM Punk’s ability to win the match. Heyman took offense, obvs, and launched into a beautiful diatribe about Punk’s achievements and how he’ll continue to achieve etc etc. It was beautiful but there’s only so much recapping of an interview you can do, y’know?
It was then time for Sheamus and Big Show to go head-to-head. I haven’t been uber keen on this whole feud but the two have had some interesting matches for sure. Sheamus had been all over WWE adverts played throughout the show and I was beginning to see them as some sort of clue. It looked like I was right as Sheamus managed to get the big man down but, as Sheamus went to hit the Brogue Kick, Big Show pulled the ref infront of him. Scott Armstrong went down like a sack of potatoes and other referees clambered to his side. The bell hadn’t yet been rung so when Big Show hit the WMD and pinned it looked like he’d win. A referee did the three count and everything. However, a different referee changed the decision to make it a Big Show DQ. Ooh, bitch please.
Sheamus then decided to put the beat down on Big Show with a steel chair, obviously symbolising that this thing will head into TLC in a chair match no doubt.
Winner: Sheamus via DQ
My Prediction: Big Show
Score: 1-2
Then it was Team Ziggler v Team Foley time. Many had been looking forward to a sexy reveal of Dolph’s new trunks that he’d previously promised on Twitter.
However, it wasn’t to be but Dolph still looked good. Team Ziggler took the first hit after Damien Sandow got caught with a chokeslam when his plot to abandon his team failed. It looked to be going slowly downhill for Team Ziggler but they soon gained the upperhand and eventually it all came down to Randy Orton and Dolph himself. Orton set on a homoerotic beatdown (aren’t they always?) on Ziggler and it looked like he was going for the punt. I immediately began to cry “NOT THE FACE” but Orton’s plot was thwarted by a well-timed superkick. Ziggler pinned Orton for the win.
Winner: Team Ziggler
My Prediction: Team Foley
Score: 1-3
It was main event time as Ryback, Cena and Punk went head-to-head for the WWE Championship. I was nervous about the bought but my nerves melted when I realised how hot Cena looked in his new gear. Anyways, the three men tried their best to make it work with Cena and Punk even teaming up to put Ryback through the announce table.
It looked like the winner of the night would the Spanish Announce Table but, as Ryback got set to pick up the win, three men ran into the ring and beat Ryback and Cena down. They then put Ryback through the Spanish Announce Table.
These three men were the much-talked-about Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. The Internet fanbase has gone crazy and I’m no doubt going to be seen as a moron for not knowing or caring who they are. I’m going to give this whole thing chance but this just seems to me to be like a new Nexus. I also reckon Brad Maddox will be part of it. Either way, the distraction allowed Punk to pin Cena to retain.
Winner: CM Punk
My Prediction: John Cena
Score: 1-4
Yet again my predictions failed but, oh well! It was an interesting PPV which opened the door for a few fun stories.
This week’s Raw was another interesting one as we head into Survivor Series. But with Brad Maddox’s potential contract on the line, would he be able to secure the $1 million deal? And what further evidence could Vickie have on AJ Lee and John Cena? Read on…
So Raw started as it did last week with a strange Dateline NBC-style voice over. This voice over acts a preview for the show coming up and well, it’s not needed. It just sounds dumb.
Anyways, first up was Randy Orton v Dolph Ziggler. This is a match I always look forward to because Randy has a habit for really grabbing on guys trunks and it’s super hot. The match wasn’t too bad and ended in a Dolph Ziggler win after Alberto Del Rio, flanked by Ricardo Rodriguez, distracted Orton. After the match, Ziggler, Del Rio and Rodriguez all descended on Orton and beat him down. Orton was then saved by Kofi Kingston.
Never missing the opportunity to make a tag match, Teddy Long came out in his Keenan Thompson “what’s up with that” suit and made a tag match. Ziggler and Del Rio v Orton and Kingston. It was a good tag match which ended in Del Rio picking up the win after a sick kick to Kingston after Rodriguez interrupted.
Afterwards, Dolph stuck around. Now glistening with sweat and baby oil like Edward Cullen in the light, Dolph was with Vickie Guerrero. Vickie is still chomping at the bit about the whole AJ/Cena affair and it’s all getting tiresome. I love Cena. I love AJ. I love Dolph and I love Vickie. You’d think I love this. I just don’t. Especially because it’s steeped in the irony of Vickie’s inappropriate cougar/cub relationship with Dolph.
A furious AJ came to the ring and said things needed to stop and that Vickie was throwing her “considerable weight” around. A fat joke? Really? Anyways, Vickie was furious and then played some voicemail messages where AJ pretty much confesses her feelings for John. When did Vickie start working for News International? AJ said that they were false but Vickie and Dolph were having none of it and Dolph asked AJ if she found the fact that John’s ignoring her more dissatisfying and disappointing than actually sleeping with him. With that, Cena came down and AJ held him back only to slap Ziggler herself with Cena throwing in a punch for good measure.
I don’t know where this is leading to but I’ll be glad when it’s over. Backstage AJ and Cena chatted and after Cena made a “it’s never gonna happen” comment, AJ made him revise it. Could there be a Cena/AJ romance on the cards?
The next match was William Regal v The Big Show. Regal was looking for revenge after Big Show stormed into a pub and beat down he and Sheamus. FYI, that place looked nothing like a pub. Big Show really took it to Regal and it was a real nothing-held-back fight. Whilst I miss Regal on my TV, I don’t want to see the old guy get hurt and, by the looks on his chest after the match, I think that’s a likely outcome if Regal had a more full-time role. Big Show got the win and went to cause more damage with a WMD but, luckily, Sheamus saved the day.
Kaitlyn vs Layla was our next match with the two buxom beauties going head-to-head for the #1 Contender Position at Survivor Series. I’m not going to rant about the state of the divas division but Kaitlyn and Layla are best friends and they’re fighting. No build up, no emotion and no connection. Kaitlyn picked up the win and she and Eve stared each other down afterwards.
Now, I’m about to get on my soapbox. I love WWE. I am never shocked and, as you can tell from this blog, nothing really bothers me. However, WWE’s decision to air real life footage of Jerry Lawler receiving CPR and defibrillation after suffering a heart attack was despicable. Now, a lot of people have defended it saying that Lawler OK’d it and such but even so, it was not appropriate. I’m not a person who thinks we should bring back Attitude Era and blood so I can’t be accused of being a hypocrite. But a man lay there, in the back of an ambulance, fighting for his life and WWE chose to send a camera man? I find that disrespectful. I like when WWE blurs reality and fiction, I think it keeps people on the edge but this was too much. Now, as an adult, it wasn’t too traumatising. I just felt it was inappropriate. But for a PG show?
Now, what I didn’t have a problem with is what happened next. Jerry Lawler came out and gave a big speech about surviving and it was truly emotional to see everyone on their feet. This then cued CM Punk to come out. What then unfolded was CM Punk and Heyman berating Lawler, saying that Punk caused his heart attack and then Heyman and Punk orchestrated a fake heart attack with Punk throwing up the ‘X’ and such. That didn’t bother me because Punk is a fictional character and it’s not the first time WWE have used Lawler’s personal life as part of the show.
Mick Foley then came to the ring to yell at Punk. The Foley/Punk feud now makes no real sense considering the fact that Punk is out of the Survivor Series gambit but I will be covering that in my Survivor Series Predictions later. Foley got real mad at Punk and said the world doesn’t revolve around him after Punk said everyone else was worthless. It was good stuff.
Backstage, a camera man was filming Brad Maddox’s ass for some YouTube show. I approve.
Then came the clusterfuck segment of the night with what could only be described as a Mid-Card Mash-Up. The next match was an 8… yes, 8, man tag match. It was Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd vs The Prime Time Players, Primo & Epico. The match wasn’t terrible but it wasn’t great nor was it good enough to be on Raw. Each man was trying to get a decent amount of time but it ended up being too many tags happening too quick. It was like an orgy in the dark. Bodies everywhere, people reaching out not sure who they’re going to touch next. Justin Gabriel picked up the win after a Rey Mysterio assist.
Backstage, The Miz jockeyed for a position in the WWE Raw Active vote for who would fill the remaining Team Foley position. Ziggler argued that Miz was a quitter and wasn’t fit for any team. Foley then challenged Ziggler to offer up two members of his team to face two members of his. Ziggler decided on Team Rhodes Scholars and Foley decided on Kane and the viewer’s choice. He then told Ziggler that “Amy Schumer says hi”. For those who don’t know, Amy Schumer is a fabulous comedian and former girlfriend of Ziggler’s. And, in her defence, she played along on Twitter after being challenged by Vickie Guerrero.
For those who haven’t heard/seen any of Amy’s comedy, I recommend her album Cutting.
Then we had R Truth v Lord Tensai. I can’t even. Just. No. If you care, Truth won but the real loser here was the WWE Universe, am I right?
Then came the moment we were all waiting for and by “we” I mean, me and my penis. Brad Maddox’s in-ring debut. Maddox faced Ryback in order to win himself a $1 Million contract at WWE. So, would Maddox get to live his dream of being a superstar? Would weeks of discussion, scandal and promo work be the kick star to a fresh and bright career for Maddox? No. The answer is no because WWE sucks and there is no God. Ryback literally destroyed Maddox and bought the rogue ref’s storyline to a close with a thud. I have no idea why WWE chose to not give Maddox a contract, maybe he just wasn’t ready yet but what really was the point in Maddox’s involvement. In bringing back Vince McMahon? This reeks to me of creative going somewhere but it all changing last minute. But hey, who knows, Maddox could still turn up… but more on that in my Survivor Series predictions.
David Otunga v Sheamus was the next offering and Sheamus picked up an easy win. However, Big Show turned up on the titantron to ruin Sheamus’ celebrations. Now, Big Show had Regal and was threatening to punch him. So Sheamus, rather than running backstage, stood and watched. AFTER Show punched Regal, THEN Sheamus ran backstage. What… a bad friend.
A Josh Matthews updated announced that Regal had a concussion and a potential broken jaw.
Then came the Team Foley v Team Ziggler match. Of sorts. Team Rhodes Scholars went up against Kane and his partner… The Miz! But Kane had other problems on his mind as, before coming to the ring, Daniel Bryan expressed his unhappiness of his tag team boo sharing the ring with another man. Kane tried to shake it off but a jealous Bryan decided to follow Miz to the ring.
The tag match was pretty good and Miz played his face role well right off the bat. I don’t love it but I’m making do. After Miz capitalised using Bryan as a human shield, Kane hit the chokeslam for the win.
Then we had John Cena v CM Punk. It was a PPV worthy bout, as always and it’s a shame to see these two giving away this match on Raw but, hey, who am I to complain? Paul Heyman tried to interfere where possible but a cowardly Punk was thwarted by Ryback who sauntered down to the ring which allowed Cena to hit the AA for the win. Afterwards, all 3 men stared at the prize… the WWE Championship.
So, what might happen on Sunday? Look out for my predictions.
This week’s Raw certainly raised a few questions about what direction WWE is going in and I can’t say I hate it. But what exactly happened this week? Read on, Mon Cherie.
Raw opened this week with CM Punk and blowhard Paul Heyman who acted as Punk’s mouthpiece yet again. Heyman explained that he and Punk were holding Raw hostage, due to the injustice of the previous week when CM Punk lost against John Cena despite having his foot on the rope. To smooth this injustice, Heyman called out Referee Brad Maddox to the ring to apologies and resign.
Maddox agreed and came to the ring. Side note, how hot is Maddox? He’s actually a wrestler whose real name is Brent Wellington and he was previously part of FCW (or NXT as it’s now known). Anyways, he’s got a banging ass which looks even better in tights.
Courtesy of Just Us Boys Forum
Moving on, Maddox did apologise saying he genuinely didn’t see what happened but he refused to resign. He then explained that he was actually called upon last minute by AJ Lee, the GM, as a replacement. For those who aren’t in the know, the NFL (American Football) recently had a referee crisis in which their referees went on strike. In response, NFL drafted in some “replacement referees” who weren’t so good thus creating lots of controversy and WWE decided to use it for leverage.
So, Punk then used to opportunity to berate the GM causing her to come out and defend herself. Maddox left the ring and AJ faced Heyman and Punk. Punk then decided he’d mock AJ and her previous breakdown in which she proposed to him because nobody had ever really been nice to her. This resulted in Paul Heyman proposing to AJ, promising they’d become a power couple akin to Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. AJ decided to slap him instead.
Backstage, Sexy Ref apologised to AJ for what happened. She got all weird and said she’d fire him if it ever happened again. Bitch per-lease.
The first match of the night was Dolph Ziggler v Kofi Kingston. Ziggler was accompanied by Vickie as always and Kofi was accompanied by tag team partner R Truth and his imaginary friend Little Jimmy. Vickie decided to mock Little Jimmy whilst he was sat down, enraging Truth who confronted her. In all fairness, Jimmy was just having a nice drink and some popcorn. Anyways, things got heated, R Truth threw water at Vickie and both were ejected from ringside.
The match got underway and I have to say it was brilliant. JR was right; it turned very quickly into a main event match up with lots of finish fake outs and just generally cool moves. Ultimately, it was Dolph who would pick up the win over Kofi.
It was then announced that John Cena has had surgery on his elbow and would discuss his future.
We then had another Daniel Bryan/Kane/Doctor Shelby Anger Management session. These have been a real highlight and I implore you to check it out.
Match two was the Prime Time Players v Zack Ryder and Santino Morella. WWE really does seem to be giving more light to Tag Teams but I am nervous about the number of tag team matches on WWE programming over singles. I understand it’s a way of displaying as much talent as possible but it can get a little predictable. Anyways, it was a good match and the Prime Time Players are getting better with each bout. They picked up the win.
Then out came Mick Foley. Honestly, I don’t want to recap it. His speech to Punk about being a legend and not a statistic was awesome.
WATCH!
Then it was The Miz v Ryback. Here’s where I eat humble pie. I argued that Ryback wouldn’t last very long and that he sucks. I stand by the sucks comment but it’s obvious the crowd love him for some reason. Maybe it’s to do with his resemblance to loveable funnyman Will Sasso. Who knows. And, actually, his match against The Miz wasn’t terrible. The Miz got a few shots in. The show, however, was stolen by a crazed fan who ran into the ring and was immediately tackled. I thought it was just some schtick but clearly it wasn’t. Maybe it was one of the jobbers Ryback destroyed? Both men were extremely professional and carried on, with Ryback picking up the win.
Then we had more anger management.
Backstage, in AJ’s office, she wanted to make it clear to all referees including Sexy Ref that it should be business as normal and they should go out there and do what they do best. After the referees left and I stopped thinking about what I’d like to do to Maddox, Alberto Del Rio came in flunked by David Otunga and Ricardo Rodriguez. The men weren’t happy and AJ knew saying they deserved some sort of vengeance and would all team up against Sheamus, Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara.
Then the Wade Barrett onslaught continued with a fantastic win over Tyson Kidd.
Michael Cole then took to the ring to interview Jerry Lawler. WWE handled the episode of Raw where Jerry had the heart attack really well but, once they realised Lawler was alive and kicking, they’re milking that cash cow until it’s dry. I think trying to profit from a heart attack is terrible but it’s not surprising. Not only did they trail Lawler’s interview like it was the rising of Christ but now they’re selling a Long Live The King t-shirt. Mamma mia. Jerry does look good though. Keep well, King.
Then it was time for 6 man tag action. Botchamania favourites Mysterio and Sin Cara teamed up with Sheamus to face ADR, Otunga and Ricardo. The match was what you’d expect but it got the point across and didn’t make me want to rip my own eyeballs out too much. Sin Cara picked up the win with a Sheamus assist and then Sheamus hit the Brogue Kick on Otunga. And balance is restored.
Then we got another instalment off Diner Anger Management.
After that, it was time for Daniel Bryan and Kane to come out and discover what their tag team name would be. The suggestions were generally horrible and they were all prefixed by the word “team” which is clearly WWE’s way of jumping onto the Twilight Team Edward/Jacob/Bella nonsense. Anyways, the Universe plumbed for Team Hell No but, before they could celebrate, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow jumped in to attack them.
Cody then took to the mic and announced they would be known as Team Rhodes Scholars. It seems a little mean to give a guy with a lisp that many s’s but he managed. I guess this “team” thing is going to stick. Might cause confusion come Survivor Series.
After that got some Divas Tag Action with Layla and Alicia Fox facing Beth Phoenix and Eve. It was actually a good match and you can’t fault Eve’s wrestling. I am surprised that she can fall on her face without those teeth getting stuck in the mat though.
After Eve stole a win from Beth, Kaitlyn came out and said she remembers that the person who attacked her at Night Of Champions was blonde. Eve immediately pinned it on Beth and took her out. But who could it be (note: definitely not Kelly Kelly… bye, bitch, btw)? Either way, it’s nice to see the Divas getting a real storyline. Nothing like a good whodunit.
Funkasaurus Brodus Clay went against Lord Tensai next. It was a boring match until Big Show came out and knocked both men out. I don’t know if it was even for anything other than to break up what was a very dull bout.
Then it was time for Cena to face the public. He came out and did his usual schtick of saying he’s had a shit week, that he’s not sure if he can go on. Then he, as always, contradicted himself, and said that he’d make sure he was ready to face Punk at Hell In A Cell. I’m actually excited for that match and I love Cena but I think the guy should take a break. He’s just had surgery. I fear he’ll end up doing himself way too much damage.
Punk then came out and berated him and told Cena to get out of his ring. Punk and Heyman gave him to the count of three but, as Punk turned, Cena grabbed a steel pipe from his shorts (giggle) and beat on Punk with it.
Backstage, Punk sloped back still in pain from the attack. There, he noticed Mick Foley and decided to beat him up. Punk walked away but attempted to go back but he was stopped in his tracks by a terrifying sight… Ryback. Hahaha, I know right? Anyways, Punk walked away.
So what does this mean? Well, WWE are focussing more on Tag Teams and Divas. The Superheavyweights are probably going to have a superheavyweight feud and Ryback is probably going to be pushed to the main event. I mostly don’t hate it. Mostly.
I’ve decided that, due to what happened with Jerry Lawler, it’d be inappropriate to make fun of Raw and what happened.
I’ve never been a big Jerry Lawler fan but I respect him as a wrestler and wish him a speedy recovery. I’d also like to say that I think WWE and, in particular Michael Cole, handled the situation extremely well. It was difficult to watch and hear but they carried on. It was testament to the great production they run.
So, rather than my usual recap, here is an update on Jerry’s condition.
Hey ya’ll. Apologies about the lack of update, I was at a wedding last week! This week’s Raw was a little hit and miss but it ended really strong. But exactly what went down? Well, read on.
The show opened with Michael Cole announcing that Jerry Lawler would not be on commentary. We were then shown a clip of CM Punk and Lawler fighting backstage which, obviously, resulted in Lawler lying flat out and motionless. I must admit, a Raw without Lawler wasn’t exactly the worst thing to hear on the show’s opening.
Sheamus then came to his ring and told the Chicago crowd that the party has already started but it’s going to end for one man, Alberto Del Rio. Sheamus went to continue his rant but was interrupted instead by CM Punk who wasn’t happy. He said that Sheamus was disrespecting him by trying to steal the limelight and the adoration of the Chicago crowd who were, as predicted, very much on Punk’s side. This fact completely threw Sheamus off what he was doing and he kept fumbling his lines and stuttering. Don’t cry, Great White. We all have our off days.
Anyways, the two went back and forth until Sheamus challenged Punk to go to the ring. Instead, AJ interrupted and announced that Alberto Del Rio would face John Cena and that Punk and Sheamus would go head to head.
The first match of the night was Randy Orton v Dolph Ziggler in a Smackdown grudge match. The match was actually pretty good but I kept getting a really homoerotic vibe. I know that WWE is one big homoerotic vibe but Randy certainly loved exploring Dolph’s body. Lucky bastard. The two battled it out and it seemed like Randy was going to win, but Dolph turned things around by rolling Orton up and stealing the win, with the aide of Orton’s tights.
We then had the triumphant return of the Daniel Bryan/Kane Anger Management classes. This week, the group were tasked with creating Anger Collages. Kane’s was sadly blank and the therapist told Kane they wanted to see his true feelings. Kane replied by setting the bin alight. Oh Kane, what will we do with you?
The 2nd match of the night was Tag Team action with Cody Rhodes teaming up with Lord Tensai to face Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara. Cody has been unnaturally fixated with Sin Cara’s mask, insisting on exposing Sin Cara’s hideous face to the world. I’d like to remind Cody that there’s enough ugliness on TV and its name is Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
The match wasn’t too bad but it would be Coddles and A-Train who came up short. Rey and Sin Cara picked up the win.
Back to Anger Management where, this time, they took part in trust circles. For those who haven’t ever had to suffer mind-numbing team building tasks, this is where you close your eyes and fall back and your colleague catches you. Daniel Bryan fell back and Kane caught him and it seemed the two were being good until they were both instructed to catch Howard. Howard was then dropped quicker than Kharma.
We were then meant to have Sheamus v CM Punk but, after Sheamus made his entrance, Punk came to the ring fully dressed. He explained how the Chicago crowd respected him and the fact he’s main event material and nothing else. The confused and mildly retarded Chicago crowd carried on cheering for their man until he announced that, since it was Labor Day he was going to go home. He left the ring and then, despite AJ’s pleas, announced he was taking some contracted personal days and left the arena.
AJ was then left to find Sheamus a new opponent. Alberto Del Rio then made his way to ringside to watch as Jack Swagger took on Sheamus. The two had a good match but it was evident that Sheamus would pick up the win.
Afterwards, a distraction from Ricardo Rodriguez would allow Del Rio to attack Sheamus, only for his plan to be foiled. Sheamus beat down Del Rio and went to hit the Brogue Kick but Del Rio was saved by his right hand goon, Ricardo. Ricardo took full force of the kick and ended up being escorted out by medics.
Divas action was up next and Eve and her scary teeth teamed up against Kaitlyn. The entire thing was watched ringside by Layla who spent most of her time arguing with The Miz, who joined Michael Cole on commentary earlier after the Orton/Ziggler match. The two went back and forth and it became evident that Layla’s accent is a little off and the two clearly hate each other. Either way, Eve won and started doing this creepy “good sportsman” smile and handshake. It’s the kinda smile you give someone you work with after you fucked them at the Christmas party.
Backstage, a worried AJ protested with Jack Swagger as he left the arena. Swagger announced he was taking extended leave as he was “better than this.” Poor Swags. I think it’s cute how they made it a big deal that he wasn’t there, considering he hasn’t been on Raw in weeks.
Part 3 of Anger Management saw D-Bry and Kane come to a resolution as they announced they were now friends. However, Kane’s offhanded comment about destroying D-Bry resulted in the two arguing. The rest of the class left, leaving the counsellor to deal with the fall out. However, things came to an end when the counsellor went crazy and screamed at everyone. Kane and D-Bry broke him.
It was then announced that the two would have a match but what match would it be? Twitter users were invited to vote on them teaming up, facing each other or hugging it out.
Backstage, David Otunga announced he was now representing Rodriguez and they would be pursuing Sheamus for damages. Please God don’t let it happen in Little People’s Court.
Then came the 2nd hour fluff or, as I call it, Superstars Lite.
Ryback picked up the win against Jinder Mahal.
Backstage, a livid AJ announced that the Del Rio/Cena match would now be Falls Count Anywhere.
Then came the Kane/Bryan Twitter Poll results. The results were in and they were told to hug it out. They took their merry time doing so but eventually hugged. All their good work was ruined, however, when bromantic backslapping became too aggressive. The two ended up brawling and Kane tried to break Bryan’s neck only to end up getting smashed with a Steel Chair.
Superstars Lite part 2 took place afterwards with Antonio Cessaro defeating Santino Morella.
Then, Superstars Lite part 3 ended up with Zack Ryder beating Heath Slater.
Ryder’s victory was interrupted by an angry Vickie Guerrero who wanted to make an announcement. She said she’d spoke to the Board Of Directors who demanded AJ apologise for slapping her. AJ came down, apologised and was met with two slaps by Vickie. A furious AJ was unable to strike back, in fear of losing her job. AJ was having a tough night and it all came to a scary end when she had a nervous breakdown in the ring. It was actually uncomfortable which is a testament to how good an actress she is. Bitch be cray cray.
Then it was the main event. I won’t talk about it too much because I think you should see it! Cena and Del Rio had a great match.
It all ended though when CM Punk interfered and knocked Cena out backstage. He rolled Del Rio on top of Cena for the 3 count. Afterwards, Punk continued his assault by hitting the GTS on a car. Cena’s face smashed onto the bonnet. As Punk drove away, the getaway driver was revealed… Paul Heyman.
Hello all! I’m baaaack. A week later than planned. Sadly that means I’m glossing over Summerslam but that’s OK. Because Raw is like an epic PPV every week now!
So, Raw has officially gone to 3 hours and I’ve been wracking my brains to think of how I’m going to recap them. Then it hit me; work harder. I can’t let these precious recaps slide just because of an extra hour, right? But what exactly went down this week?
The show opened with resident block head, Brock Lesnar and his human voice box Paul Heyman. They were coming fresh off a big victory against Triple H at Summerslam and Paul had a few things to say. Basically, they’re trying to push this as the end of Triple H’s career. It’s hard to believe they wouldn’t have made a bit more fuss about one of the greatest superstars of all time retiring from in-ring action but, whatevs, I’ll bite.
Paul said that Triple H wanted and fight and it was a fight he got and that Brock made him quit. Paul then discussed how Triple H used to battle through severe injuries to finish a match but now he tapped out to Brock. Actually, it was a very good promo and it was an interesting angle. It’s just a shame Brock Lesnar is involved. He’s literally the most boring man in WWE ever. And I’m including John Laurinaitis.
Then they decided to bring referee Scott Armstrong out who came out looking like a dog who just took a dump on the carpet. Brock bounced around because that’s all he knows how to do and then patted Scott on the shoulder to thank him for a good job. It is very nice that referees are getting recognition and all but I was a little worried. It hasn’t been a great week for people named Armstrong. With that, Paul declared Brock the new King Of Kings and left the ring.
We then saw a Tout where Punk declared he wanted to pick his own opponent (yes, I’ve had to upload a Tout to Youtube because there’s no support for embedding into WordPress just yet).
On a sidenote, I actually like Tout. It’s interesting. If you want to Tout me some of your thoughts then do so here and I might just use them!
Our first match was 6-man action and it was Kofi Kingston & R Truth & Sin Cara vs Prime Time Players & Cody Rhodes. The Prime Time Players are actually a really good tag team and it was a shame they were held back by the AW bullshit. I called it a while ago that AW would eventually get sacked but the circumstances in which he did were hilarious. In all fairness to AW, it was a really good joke. But that’s the thing about rape jokes… you can’t force them on people.
The match was actually not too bad but it did seem like there were many parts that were confused and things got a little clunky. Cody Rhodes once again became obsessed with Sin Cara’s mask. I’m a little concerned they’re going into the “you’re ugly, I’m beautiful” schtick with Cody again as the whole Dashing Cody Rhodes thing, as fun as the homoerotic vignettes were, was a stepping stone. Cody is much better than that now. Cody’s obsession with de-masking Sin Cara ended up in him losing after Sin Cara rolled him up for the win.
Backstage, Raw GM AJ Lee was chatting to Matt Striker. I’m loving AJ as a GM. Interesting choice indeed. Before AJ could carry on talking, David Otunga appeared. Otunga has been away filming a movie with Halle Berry. A lot of WWE Superstars are off doing movies these days. Good on them. Anyways, Otunga offered to be AJ’s legal counsel and promised to stop people calling her crazy. AJ didn’t like the fact Otunga used the word in front of her and put him in a match with an opponent of her choosing. I hope AJ never runs into Carly Rae Jepsen.
She continued saying that Punk can choose his opponent, subject to her approval.
It was then announced that Khloe Kardashian-Odom is the Social Media Ambassador for the night. It’s great they’re getting popular names but, seriously, these people have never watched WWE in their life! It’d make more sense if they got Kim Kardashian as she’s actually been slammed on camera.
Then it was Ryback vs two jobbers. This whole thing is getting boring so what did they do to spice things up? They had Jinder Mahal run in. I mean, a Ryback/Mahal feud is like having cancer face AIDs. Nobody wins.
Backstage once more to where Dolph Ziggler entered Chris Jericho’s dressing room demanding a rematch. The two went back and forth but AJ broke things up by skipping in and making a declaration. The two WOULD have a rematch but it’d be Ziggler’s Money In The Bank contract vs Y2J’s WWE contract!
Del Rio then made his way to the ring where he spoke about how he deserved another match against Sheamus after the Summerslam one ended in a bit of controversy. AJ came out and declared she wouldn’t interfere in the World Heavyweight Championship set-up as that’s Booker T’s job but she could put Del Rio in a match. And she did, against Randy Orton.
The match wasn’t that bad and a cheeky Sheamus was on commentary. I love Sheamus in full cheeky Irishman mode. It seemed that Randy Orton was going to get caught out by Ricardo but Sheamus stepped in to ensure that didn’t happen. A distracted Randy Orton nearly lost the match but Sheamus pointed out that Randy had his foot on the rope. ADR went mental at Sheamus only to turn around into an RKO to allow Randy Orton to pick up the win.
See, Randy? You can do great things when you’re not on drugs.
Brodus Clay vs Damien Sandow was our next offering and can I just point out a bit of a plothole? Damien Sandow discusses how he’s saving us from social media and populist culture yet he’s got Twitter, YouTube and Tout. Makes no sense.
Anyways, it was a good match which was eventually won by Sandow who grabbed the tights for the win. Brodus, however, wasn’t happy about this and attacked Sandow viciously. It’s a bit bizarre that we all cheered Brodus being a sore loser but the minute he bought those kids in to dance I got over it. SO CUTE!
Then it was Shawn Michaels’ emotional chat via satellite. I won’t talk about it much as you should probably watch it. The gist of it being… Triple H has to realise that his time is over. He’s no longer the competitor he was. He lost. It was all very sad but I didn’t want to wipe away my tears as I prefer using my Kleenex for Dolph Ziggler matches.
David Otunga then came to the ring to face his mystery opponent. That opponent? The Big Show! I must admit, I was a bit down on The Big Show but his fierce persona has been fantastic. He tore Otunga apart completely and it was great. But then we were shown something. A backstage video after Summerslam which I implore you to watch. This is the best I’ve ever seen Big Show. It seemed real, raw, passionate… it was fantastic. More of this, please!
Up next was the anger management match where former enemies must team up. It was Kane and Zack Ryder up against Daniel Bryan and The Miz. I’m loving Daniel Bryan at the minute and the NO! NO! NO! thing is great. The Miz has also returned strong although he’s not as sexy anymore. I miss his old look.
The match itself was fantastic and the Bryan/Miz dynamic was spot-on. Eventually, it boiled down to Bryan and Kane. Bryan slapped Kane and then ran away and The Miz quickly ran too. This left a vulnerable Zack Ryder, along with a timekeeper, to take the hits. It all ended with Ryder being driven into the mat with a tombstone. Woo woo ooh.
Backstage yet again where CM Punk said that he opponent at Night Of Champions would be John Cena but on one condition. That condition? Well, you’ll have to wait.
A Divas Battle Royal was next and what a waste of time it was. It was slow, awkward and pointless. Like the first time I had sex. And the 2nd. 3rd. 4th… shut up. Kaitlyn picked up the win for a title shot we’ll probably never get to see anyway.
Some good news then came. Brock Lesnar announced he was leaving WWE! You heard right. It came out of nowhere and it was announced on TOUT! I know, right? I don’t doubt he’ll be back but it’ll be nice to know WWE will be a Brock-free zone for a while.
Then we had a Wade Barrett vignette. I love it. The whole bare knuckle fighting thing… it’s just great. I’ve never been a huge Wade fan but it’ll be great to see him back. That may be slight British Bias though.
Backstage to Dolph Ziggler’s dressing room (oof… can you imagine? Mmm) where Vickie Guerrero was freaking out. She said they cannot lose and he must win it for her. Dolph said if he was winning it for anyone, it was for himself.
Then we had Ziggler v Y2J and boy… what a match. Y2J lost and I think that was a forgone conclusion. Obviously, he’ll be back. He’s the herpes of WWE… you can never get rid of him. I won’t go too into the match because I think you should watch it. Enjoy!
After the match, Y2J attacked Dolph and left the WWE… for now.
Then it was the main event… well, not match wise but you know what I mean. CM Punk came to the ring. First of all, he wanted a chat with Jerry Lawler. Punk was still unhappy with Lawler’s declaration that Punk had turned his back on the WWE Universe. Lawler explained that’s how he felt at the time but Punk wanted to press the issue. He was stopped in his tracks, however, by Cena.
Punk laughed that Cena couldn’t help himself and then decided to lay down the gauntlet. If Cena wants a WWE title shot then he must say Punk is the best in the world. Cena refused, saying that Punk had to prove he was and that he would wait for a title shot if he needed and then left the ring.
An annoyed Punk then ushered Lawler into the ring and demanded Jerry apologise and announce he’s the best in the world. Lawler refused and then went to leave the ring, only to be kicked in the head by Punk!
So Punk has taken a heel turn. The respect angle is an interesting one and I have to say I’m sort of loving it. There’s been lots of talk about whether or not we want to see Lawler and Punk wrestle and I’m in the “not” camp. Yes, Jerry’s in great shape and can still work in the ring but his style is slower… it’s boring.
But what do you think about this and Raw in general? Hit me up on Twitter, Tout or in the comments section. Like this post? Share it and tell your friends.
Until next time,
XO-WB
DO YOU THINK YOU’D BE GOOD AT DOING RECAPS? I’M LOOKING FOR RECAPPERS. I NEED REGULAR RECAPPERS FOR WWE PPVs AND SMACKDOWN. GET IN TOUCH.
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