This week’s Raw was less than stellar. People forgot names, stumbled over words and you could tell that everyone was hitting a lull. It’s understandable and has always been one of the strongest arguments for WWE to work in seasons rather than all-year. But… it’s a rare thing for WWE to be so monumentally terrible and here’s hoping it’s temporary.
The show began with Ryback facing Titus O’Neil. Already off to a bad start. There wasn’t much point to this match other than them needed an opening bout and to have Ryback get some screentime. The match wasn’t terrible but the outcome was inevitable. Titus did his best but Ryback destroyed him and picked up the win.
I suppose it was a nice lead-in to the confrontation with Vickie but it didn’t pay off. Firstly, it wasn’t entirely obvious that Ryback was holding the show hostage yet security were already on him. Also, why just go after that one security guy? Vickie came out and told Ryback she won’t have him hold her show hostage and that he needs to get out the ring. Ryback pointed out that her security probably couldn’t stop him (apparently three guys can but five can’t) to which Vickie suddenly decided to give into all his demands. This doesn’t seem like Vickie at all and it stood out really odd. Also, Ryback’s weird “angry jaw” thing is super annoying.
So, to sum up, Vickie agreed to a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match between CM Punk and Ryback for the WWE Title at, well, TLC. It just seemed very wedged in.
We were then shown some earlier footage from the backstage area. Basically, on Smackdown, Hornswaggle had tricked Rosa Mendes with a flower that squirts water. Rosa reacted badly because usually when something squirts in her face, her contract gets renewed. Backstage on Raw, Rosa confronted Hornswaggle asking why he didn’t want a piece of her. Hornswaggle replied telling her that she wasn’t all that. Alberto Del Rio then turned up and threatened to beat Hornswaggle up. The Great Khali and his two shattered knees then made an appearance to warn ADR away.
Khali and ADR then had a match. It was so-so and Khali is starting to get slower and slower. I know it’s all he knows but the guy is going to end up in a wheelchair. It’s hard to watch. Anyways, Ricardo managed to distract Khali to allow ADR to hit the cross armbreaker for the win.
Backstage once more where Vickie was confronted by CM Punk and Paul Heyman. Their argument was that Vickie was endangering her champion by putting him in a TLC match. Vickie said Ryback deserved it after “Punk’s boys” intervened. Both Vickie and Punk struggled to remember the name “Roman Reigns”. It was awkward but they powered through. Vickie then announced that Punk would face either Kane or Daniel Bryan, as chosen by a Raw Active poll.
Then came the dumbest part of the night. The Michael Cole interview with Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. Firstly, the interview was held in what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse rather than one of WWE’s swanky studios. The set-up looked more like a drug deal than an interview. Then, all three men were dressed like mall cops with overactive imaginations. Cole asked the men if they were hired by CM Punk. Dean Ambrose was the butter-faced team leader and I have to say, what an odd looking bloke. He looks like the picture that should be used in dictionaries when defining the term “troll”. He said that the men were simply a shield against injustice and that they were sit of sitting at NXT and watching WWE turn into a popularity contest. That’s right, the three men who only came to light due to internet POPULARITY were bemoaning popularity.
They said they were there to stop WWE heading in the wrong direction. Sadly, they must’ve missed an opportunity to stop the interview airing.
It was super, super dumb. The Shield looks super, super dumb and I am simply not yet buying the hype of these three men.
Next up was Tamina v Alicia Fox. The match was good but it was no Melina v Alicia Fox. Anyways, Tamina picked up the win.
Then more stupidity reigned as WWE desperately tried to squeeze the Cena/AJ/Vickie/Dolph sponge and hope some creative juices would pour out. What did we get instead? Vickie giving Cena the gift of his and her bathrobes and saying that he should enjoy it whilst it lasts because, soon, AJ will leave him and “his entire world will implode”. His. Entire. World. They’ve been dating 3 weeks. What is this? The Vampire Diaries? With that, AJ then arrived to berate Vickie. She said that she can do whatever she wants now and then kissed Cena.
Can we just stop for a second and discuss these kisses? Is it just me who is bitterly disappointed by Cena’s lip action? He kisses AJ like he’s kissing his mother.
Anyways, Dolph then came out. Things then took an interesting turn when it looked like the story was going to become a gay story. Dolph said that he knows why Cena got so mad and vicious and that he knows “what’s eating him up inside” and it made it seem like he was about to insinuate that Cena thinks about him when he’s kissing AJ but alas, he stated that AJ thinks about him. Damn. That would’ve been one hell of a swerve. Cena then went to kick the jiggle out of Ziggle but Vickie put the kibosh on it and announced the two would have a match later.
Again, REAL dumb.
Wade Barrett then made his way to the announce table for Kofi Kingston v Lord Tensai. Whilst on commentary, Wade slipped in that he’ll be facing Kofi for the IC title at TLC. So yeah, who needs build up?
Kofi picked up the win.
Backstage, Kane and Daniel Bryan began discussing who might get picked for the Raw Active poll. Bryan said that people simply love him and that he has data to prove it. He then displayed a hilarious electoral college map of the US and then The World which showed that everyone was going to vote for him. Always willing to ruin the party, Josh Matthews showed up to announce that Kane had won the poll and would face CM Punk later. Daniel Bryan was then informed that runner-up prize was a match with Rey Mysterio.
Daniel Bryan v Rey Mysterio was a simple match but it wasn’t terrible. Rey clearly shines much brighter in singles competition and Sin Cara doesn’t compliment him as a superstar. Kane and Bryan work perfectly but Mysterio and Cara have no chemistry. Anyways, Rey got the win.
Backstage once more, Rosa Mendes thanked ADR for his support. It was half-Spanish and half-English but I pretty much picked up that she was going to blow him later. Am I right? Si? Anyways, I always worry when WWE pairs their top stars with Divas in romantic storylines as it often means they’ve run out of solid ideas. Here’s hoping it’s all leading somewhere.
Meanwhile, apparent locker room lurker Josh Matthews interrupted Dolph warming up. He asked if Dolph had given Cena more incentive by making things so personal. Then Dolph said a bunch of things which were super awesome about how he’s Mr Money In The Bank and it couldn’t get better. He’s so dreamy. I am just as transfixed by the things coming out of his mouth as I am by the things I wish were going into it.
Then came the saving grace of the night and the only reason I don’t totally hate the “lovers” angle. Dolph and Cena got to wrestle. And boy, was it good. The match was fantastic and it almost felt PPV worthy. With Cena being attended to after tweaking his knee, Dolph tried to take off the turnbuckle padding. However, AJ came out to stop Dolph and foil his dastardly plan. Vickie soon followed and, when the referee was distracted, Dolph went to hit Cena with the Money In The Bank Briefcase but got hit with an AA instead.
Cena picked up the win and afterwards he and AJ shared another lustless kiss.
Sheamus v Antonio Cessaro was the next match. Sheamus gained the upperhand and knocked Antonio to the outside with a brogue kick. The Big Show, chair in hand, appeared on the stage. Sheamus won via count-out and Big Show looked to walk away but Sheamus instead took to the mic and announced that he’s going to retire Show at TLC and that he doesn’t care if it takes 100 chairs. The Big Show responded by ripping a steel chair to tiny pieces. Some poor intern backstage probably cried into his WWE Lanyard after working so hard to put that together. Cruel, Show. Cruel.
Damien Sandow went up against Zack Ryder and won in the next match. It was a pretty sweet match.
Then it was time for CM Punk v Kane. Kane has gotten better and better in-ring for me and I think that his partnership with Daniel Bryan has given him new life. Kane looked set to win but CM Punk hit the GTS from out of nowhere, just as The Shield began to appear. CM Punk picked up the win and The Shield bombarded the ring and beat on Kane. Punk acted bewildered and confused. Daniel Bryan then ran in but was a lamb to the slaughter. It was down to Ryback to save the day and it looked like he was going to. That was, until, CM Punk jumped back into the ring and beat on him. Ryback looked set to take Punk out too but The Shield got back the advantage and Punk slithered away.
So, why did they do it?
And who gives a fuck?
Until next time,
XO-TWB