The Miz-ery Is Over

I’m back, bitches!

That’s right, as we head towards Wrestlemania I decided to make a big return.

And with every return needs something fresh. So how about some HOT caps from Raw? Enjoy after the jump.

XO-Wrestlebitch

Old School Recap

Hey all.

I’m aware I’ve not posted much recently so I wanted to make it up to you by kicking it OLD SCHOOL. That’s right, a full blown recap.

So the show opened with Stephanie McMahon, the love of my life in the dark timeline where I’m straight, talking about Daniel Bryan. For those who don’t remember, Steph decided that Daniel  needed a “corporate makeover” in order to make Vince happy.

It was time for the big unveiling complete with length video package. What were we to see? A whole new Daniel with shaved beard and new haircut? I mean, this is Raw, they’re not going to do some crappy segment right? Right?

Turns out the big makeover was Daniel having hairgel put in his hair and him wearing a suit. Then it went from bad to worse. Stephanie left the ring after congratulating Corporate Daniel Bryan. Vince then made his way down and said that, if Daniel wants his approval, he has to shave his beard. Wade Barrett came down with a barber’s chair and some clippers and it ended up in a strange brawl. Daniel then took to the mic to talk about he was a wrestler and not some corporate stooge.

Then we had RVD v Alberto Del Rio. We were then re-introduced to Ricardo Rodriguez who was touted as returning from “severe injury”. The severe injury was to his judgement, as Ricardo was actually back from a Wellness Violation ban. The match had its usual shenanigans as Ricardo set up the bucket in the corner for ADR to throw RVD into. However, it didn’t go to plan as Ricardo ended up hitting the metal and RVD picked up the win.

Infuriated at this, ADR then beat down Ricardo and even crushed his head between steel steps. It was pretty brutal.

Cody Rhodes came to the ring after a break with an interesting package (naughty). We were then shown the footage from Smackdown (which has been great recently) of Cody stealing the briefcase and then throwing into the ocean then the subsequent brawls. I’m loving Cody v Damien so it was fun to see it in a nice little video.

Cody then revealed that in the box was the Money In The Bank briefcase which had been fished from the ocean. It was not in good health and Damien Sandow made his way to the ring to get it. Cody acted as if though he didn’t want a fight but pulled a fast one and ended up being beat down by Cody.

Our next match was Ryback v Mark Henry. Henry has sadly lost his big momentum from the fake retirement speech and this match was short lived as Ryback left the ring for a 10 count.

Backstage, Total Divas The Bella Twins were joined by Eva Marie to discuss how they hated Natalya. Natalya then showed up to slap one of The Bellas and Eva Marie tried to pretend that she could act. If you haven’t watched Total Divas yet then do. It’s hilarious. Also, I totally think they should give Seamstress Sandra from Episode 2 her own show. Obsessed.

Cena then came out to reply to Daniel Bryan. Bryan basically accused Cena of just being an entertainer whilst he is a wrestler. Cena didn’t like that very much and explained how he had loads of titles. Cena even acknowledged the “you can’t wrestle” chants which, let’s be honest, is one of the douchiest chants in WWE. The guy has put his body through years of pain and put on some great matches yet the crowd continue to chant “you can’t wrestle” just because Cena didn’t earn his spot via the indies. Cena pretty much addressed that point saying that working in Japan doesn’t mean you’re the greatest and that it takes much more to make it in the WWE.

Then, for some reason, Randy Orton showed up. Orton couldn’t have walked any slower to the ring as Michael Cole screamed that he might be cashing in. There was no cash-in and instead Orton reminded Cena that Daniel Bryan wasn’t the only person he should worry about. With that, The Shield then made their way to the ring to beat down slash fiction’s favourite couple and Daniel Bryan joined the mix to even things up. Brad Maddox as his beefy ass then came out to announce a 6-man tag match.

Tons of Funk v The Wyatt Family was the next match and The Wyatt Family destroyed the crowd favourite. Afterwards, they were beaten up and Bray Wyatt did his usual speech but, admittedly, he was mumbling slightly so at one point I’m pretty sure he announced he was gay.

Then Kane appeared to announce he was still the Devil’s favourite demon and that Bray had better fear him.

CM Punk and Josh Matthews had an awkward interview. CM Punk is mad, y’all.

Layla then made her way to the ring and revealed she turned on Kaitlyn because she was sick of her getting all the attention. I much prefer evil Layla to nice Layla so it’s good to have her back. And Layla aligning with AJ is also awesome. It’d be great to get LayCool back though.

Anyways, Layla v Kaitlyn got underway and Layla did every dirty trick in the book which even included hanging from the top rope like a sloth. Eventually, AJ would cause a distraction to allow Layla to pick up the win.

Christian also won a match vs Heath Slater.

CM Punk v Curtis Axel followed that and Curtis Axel was basically used as a hype man for Brock Lesnar. After winning the match, Punk went after Paul Heyman and Brock came out. I hate to admit it, but I’m loving Punk and Lesnar together. It’s a great story. The two had a brutal fight on the outside and it began to look like Punk was going to get hold of Heyman but, alas, it wasn’t to be as Punk was hit with the F5 by Lesnar.

Afterwards, Heyman challenged Punk to a match.

Kofi Kingston came out in long tights and defeated Fandango. Way to cover up the only thing that made you interesting, Kofi.

Backstage an upset Stephanie spoke to Triple H saying that Vince went crazy at her because the makeover segment was a disaster. Triple H was incensed and accused Vince of being crazy. It’s Game Of Thrones you guys. Vince is Mad King Aaerys Targaryen and Triple H is Robert Baratheon ready to slay him. Triple H said Vince was out to ruin Summerslam and that he’s causing the ship to sink. I definitely think we’re going to see a new McMahon/Helmsley era with Stephanie and Triple H officially taking over control of the WWE. And you know what? I freaking love it.

The Real Americans also had a match against The Usos. Zeb did his usual speech but went for the cheap pop about the local football team. Seriously, if you’re not from that town, it’s hard to care. There’s plenty to talk about, Zeb. Go crazy!

The Real Americans picked up the win.

Dolph Ziggler v Big E Langston was the next match and these two had a score to settle. It appeared as if Dolph was getting the upperhand until Kaitlyn came to the ring. She ran at AJ who, for some reason, decided to mount her and the brawl eventually entered the ring.

This allowed distraction enough for Big E to beat down Dolph and pick up the win.

The Main Event was the 6 man tag and boy was it a doozy. The Shield were using their numbers game and ended up getting disqualified. Then, Randy Orton hit his RKO on both Cena and Daniel Bryan. It looked as if he was going to cash in but it never happened because The Shield intervened. However, Randy decided to let The Shield beat down his team mates as he walked away.

Heel Orton is so much fun. Maybe we’ll see a Viper cash in at Summerslam?

Until next time,

XO-TWB

Money In The Wank Bank #2

Hey all.

I’ve been off doing things with my personal life.

I know, HOW COULD I?!

Anyways, here’s a Money In The Bank gallery.

Enjoy.

XO-TWB

I Wouldn’t Bank On My Predictions

So tonight is my favourite PPV of the year; Money In The Bank. Sadly, I’m an adult with work and I live in the UK so I’ve got to wait all day tomorrow before I can find out the results. However, as always, I’m going to predict what I think will happen.

These results only exist in my fantasies and I am never right.

XO-TWB

WWE Tag Team Champions Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns vs. The Usos (Kickoff Match)

I think this one is an easy one to guess. It’d be a cold day in hell when The Usos become WWE Tag Champs over The Shield. The Shield were dominating but now, not so much. However, they’ve had big storylines over the coming months.

I wouldn’t be surprised to experience The Wyatt Family getting involved.

Winners: The Shield (Rollins & Reigns)

Chris Jericho v Ryback

I completely forgot this was happening. I can’t see this being a bad match though. It’s just a match without any great risk. I also have a feeling it’ll be Jericho’s last for a while. He tends to be given bigger matches before he disappears.

My prediction is that Vickie Guerrero will get involved, spurring Ryback to do more and more damage. Jericho will be destroyed and then will disappear with Fozzy for a few months again.

Winner: Ryback

WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee v Kaitlyn

I am so, so, so looking forward to this. There hasn’t been this much of a build up to a Divas match since Layla v Michelle McCool. This is obviously going to be a very raw, emotional and aggressive match. Kaitlyn has everything to fight for and a loss here could see her really lose it.

Which is why I think she’ll lose.

I predict a heel turn for Kaitlyn. I think that Kaitlyn will go crazy and attack Layla who will come to her aide after her loss.

Winner: AJ Lee

Intercontinental Champion Curtis Axel v The Miz

I am quite looking forward to this match. I think The Miz and Axel have a lot to offer. I think it’s a damn shame they haven’t built Axel up enough but, as you’ll read later, I think he’ll play a bigger part later.

I think that The Miz will regain the championship. It means a lot to Axel but The Miz hasn’t really done much recently and I think this match will see WWE try and get him on track again.

Winner: The Miz

Money In The Bank Match (World Heavyweight Championship)

What I like about this, is that it means that someone who hasn’t always had a great push will get one. I think it’s going to create a great opportunity for a title run for a lucky superstar. Who will that superstar be?

There’s a lot of potential storylines here. If Antonio Cessaro won then there would be an obvious jealousy from Jack Swagger. Dean Ambrose is already a title holder and a win here would put The Shield in even greater control. It would also make internet fans go wild. Fandango winning would be a surprise. Wade Barrett has recently been on great form but hasn’t seen a lot of TV action since losing in the triple threat last month. Damien Sandow would also be an interesting choice.

I, however, am going to go with Cody Rhodes. Damien and Cody have been ‘best buddies’ and are constantly being questioned about how one of them winning over the other might affect them. I think it was very strange how quickly Team Rhodes Scholars reunited after breaking up and I believe it may have been for this. I think Cody will somehow cheat Damien out of the briefcase. The two will feud as a placeholder between Money In The Bank and Cody cashing in.

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Money In The Bank All-Stars Match (WWE Title)

Can I just say how patronising it is to call this all-stars? It makes the other match seem like it is for amateurs. However, there’s a lot in play in this match. You’ve got a returning RVD and also there’s only 6 men since The Wyatt Family took out Kane. I do think, however, that they will replace Kane.

In my opinion, I think that Triple H will be put in the match by Vince. Stephanie doesn’t want him to wrestle anymore and Vince will likely goad Triple H into it. The McMahon feud is obviously leading to something big and I think that we’re going to see the beginning of one last big run for Triple H.

I also think that Paul Heyman , Curtis Axel and Brock Lesnar will play a part in this. I think CM Punk will be screwed out of winning. Punk will the feud with Axel whilst eventually having a match against Lesnar at Summerslam.

RVD I think won’t win this. I would be very surprised. Same goes for Randy and Christian.

Sheamus is a big possibility since the WWE has such a big hard-on over him.

Daniel Bryan would be a very interesting choice. He’s spent a long time trying to prove he isn’t the weak link and securing the briefcase would mean he’d cement that. He’d also be a two-time winner of the briefcase.

I am going to be controversial and say that Triple H wins this. Steph won’t be happy and it’ll be something for Vince to use to get him to compete. It’ll generate great anger from the WWE Universe which will certainly get people talking… especially if he cashes in.

Winner: Triple H

World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

I cannot wait for this match. This has been a fantastic feud and I think this will be a fantastic match. The last match these two had was absolutely brutal and I think the WWE have been smart to give Dolph a few weeks rest from constant in-ring competition.

I am really hoping that Dolph Ziggler is going to get his belt back. I prefer Dolph over Alberto but I have to give Del Rio his due… he’s played his role brilliantly.

In terms of a cash in… well, it’d be interesting. If I’m correct about Cody winning and he cashes in against Dolph then that’d be great.

It’d also be interesting for somebody to cash in against Del Rio if he were to retain.

Dolph goes crazy, beats on Del Rio, MITB winner comes out and takes the title from Del Rio just like Dolph did.

But I’m going with my heart.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Mark Henry

This is another match I can’t wait for and boy it’s going to be good. Mark Henry’s fake retirement speech was fantastic but the retirement rumours still haven’t gone away and Henry did admit this was his last big shot.

So I think that Henry will be victorious and will go on the books as being a WWE Champion. I then think Triple H will cash in on a exhausted Mark Henry.

I imagine we’ll have Cena and Henry have a great fight. Maybe even the best of Henry’s career. Henry will be battered and broken but he’ll be champion. Cena shakes his hand and Henry looks down at his title in disbelief. Then we see backstage, Triple H storming to the ring. Stephanie begging him not to do this, Mark Henry is dangerous and Vince tells him he doesn’t have the balls to be champion. Triple H’s music hits, he runs out, he gets his ass kicked a little but hits the pedigree to become champion.

Then, Vince comes out and says that Triple H will have a title match the next night. A cage match (or something as heavy) against RVD.

Winner: Mark Henry
Actual Winner: Triple H

So, they’re my predictions.

What are yours?

XO-TWB

Raw In Jokes

Whilst Raw this week wasn’t as epic as last week, it certainly had its moments.

It’s enough to make fun of.

It’s Raw In Jokes.

XO-TWB

– The Rock was revealed as the face of the WWE 2K14 game. The game will likely work well for 3 months and then suddenly decide to stop working

– AJ Lee donned a muscular suit to pretend to be Kaitlyn whilst the WWE creative team were pretending they care about the Divas division

– Stephanie McMahon announced the Money In The Bank contenders for the WWE title which included a returning RVD. Nice to see the WWE using the PPV to introduce new blood

– More promos for The Wyatt Family appeared on Raw. Crazy rednecks hell bent on causing trouble? It’s like they’re WWE’s answer to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

– Daniel Bryan made Randy Orton tap in a Street Fight. Last time Orton gave up that easily, the Army had to re-recruit

Randy Orton With Hard Wood Pressed Against His Face

Hey all!

It’s a Sunday and what good is a Sunday without my gallery?

Admittedly, not the best quality but hey, you win some, you lose some.

Enjoy.

XO-TWB

Daniel Bryan is The Weakest Link

It’s true…

Raw In Jokes

This week’s Raw was no doubt the best since the Raw after Wrestlemania. It’s been a strange few weeks and it seemed WWE was heading into a more boring direction but this week it was back on par.

So, you’d think I wouldn’t be able to poke fun at such a show.

You’d be wrong.

It’s Raw In Jokes.

XO-TWB

• Vickie Guerrero was being forced to pick which McMahon(-Helmsley) she wants to listen to. Do you know who has no problem in not picking a McMahon? The voters of Connecticut
• Mark Henry faked an emotional retirement speech and then beat down John Cena. Just goes to show that all chocolate is bad for you, even sexual chocolate
• Team Hell No officially broke up, giving a sigh of relief to all those who were worried this would become a will-they-won’t-they storyline
• Triple H this week mocked 3MB by sarcastically saying they were a “great choice” for Raw. A bunch of cocky idiots going around acting as if they own the place? Yeah, it’ll never work
• Brock Lesnar returned to Raw and hit the F5 on CM Punk. Thus proving that, although good things do come to an end, bad things just come back 3 months later

Bulgy Cody

Hey all!

Happy Sunday.

And, as Sundays tend to do, today brings with it a Raw gallery.

Over 150 images from Monday’s fantastic show.

XO-TWB

Heeeyyyyback

Last Sunday was Payback and it created some rather sexy moments.

So here are over 300 images from it!

Enjoy.

XO-TWB