So the fitties on RAW are beating Smackdown at the moment I think. Sorry again if they’re slightly blurred.
Enjoy!
XO-WB
Monthly Archives: July 2011
JR You Ready?
Hello there and a happy Sunday to you. It’s that time again and since last week’s recap reformat went so well (by which I mean I had nobody tell me not to do it) I will follow similar thing again. It’s something different, right?
So RAW kicked off unusually with the WWE Championship match we missed out on last week. The Miz v Rey Mysterio. You just know shit’s gonna go down when a championship match is first on the card. The match, however, was pretty good even though I can’t stand Rey Mysterio. I just don’t see the point in the guy. His values, his schtick… it bores me. Anyhoo, the match WAS PPV standard in all fairness but the result did not please me as much. Rey Mysterio picked up the win to be crowned the NEW WWE champion.
Luckily for me, the sickness in my stomach was slightly resolved because after the match, Rey was beat up by The Miz. I thought that Mysterio was getting his comeuppance, especially when Alberto Del Rio ran to the ring but it wasn’t to be as Rey stopped him cashing in. I mean, come on, we did this with the Miz. Do you remember? He ran in at the end of almost every match until he eventually got his moment.
After the break we went backstage
Where superstars went crazy and got out champagne
A heroes welcome for the littlest big man
Every NXT reject was there and A-Ry seemed to be his biggest fan
The locker room was pleased and things looked to get meaner
By the arrival of the Superman known as John Cena
Things got frosty but the outcome was bland
Cena just smiled and stuck out his hand
The next match was Dolph Ziggler v Evan Bourne. Dolph came with brand new music which is like his old music but rockier. It’s hardly a huge departure and I have no idea why they did it but each to their own. BTW, I hope this music change appears on the new WWE game. I mean, come on, the minute you buy it, it’s outdated. Dolph was accompanied as always by Vickie Guerrero who seemed to have forgotten her bra.
Evan fought the best he could and he’s a scrappy little guy. It was clear that Dolph and his hot, hot, ass were going to win because Evan gets squashed more frequently than Oranges. Dolph picked up the win and Vickie picked up her boobs. BTW, kudos to the crowd for getting a Vickie Sucks chant going. It’s a mark of how great she is that she gets a chant and she’s not even wrestling.
We then went backstage for a Keystone Light segment where Keith Stone drew on one of the Bella’s arms. I literally wanted to stab myself in the eye. Also, beer segments? Really? I guess that PG thing is dropped when the big wigs demand it. Like Kelly Kelly’s knickers. Oh no he didn’t…
Speaking of Kelly she had a tag match next
Whilst I remember what’s that on Melina’s head?
She’s gone all gothic and it’s a little bit weird
And what is with the Divas fighting matches with their rears?
The match was your typical Diva fair
But Kelly Kelly won the match fair and square
It’s interesting to note that the segment before
Had literally no impact on any match on RAW
If they’re going to schedule shit like that
At least make it relevant or you just look a twat
After the Divas match was over, it was HHH’s turn to come down. He spent the most part thanking Vince for all his hard work. Kind of hilarious considering YOU’VE TAKEN HIS JOB. BAD SON-IN-LAW. BAD. HHH said that things needed correcting around here and I immediately thought that he meant Zack Ryder’s eyes. But alas, he felt that John Cena was cheated out of a rematch. An interesting twist followed where basically there was to be a 2nd championship title match. Oh the joys.
He then continued that there was a blockbuster resigning to reveal. He said this guy needed to be back on RAW and the fans demanded it. Yes, everyone began to think it was CM Punk and HHH loved it. It was actually a similarly popular pick, good ‘ole JR! I am a huge fan of JR and, despite disliking Lawler, I find JR brings the best out of him. Welcome back.
Someone who wasn’t happy about JR’s return was Michael Cole who refused to work with him. HHH said he initially wanted to fire Cole but his severance package was too high. Are you kidding me? Way to rub it in the face of the unemployed, WWE. HHH said Cole was welcome to quit but Cole refused. HHH, in return, told Cole he had a night off commentary. He then said that it wasn’t a point-blank night off as he had a match. Cole skulked backstage and I was left wondering why they were letting Cole wrestle again.
After Cole departed R Truth appeared
He said HHH was part of the conspiracy he feared
He spoke to the imaginary people at his side
HHH just mocked him and R Truth’s eyes went wide
Truth said that HHH was crazy and HHH agreed
This turned out to be the comedy RAW needs
HHH continued to mock R Truth’s mental ways
R Truth said this ain’t a game a guy like him plays
He walked away from Hunter but Hunter had a plan
He had another resigning and he was an eager man
R Truth seemed ready, on this match he was keen
Until out came John Morrison and his abs that gleam
Morrison went crazy as he beat on R Truth in jeans
Morrison’s sexy ass will now be in my naughty dreams
Morrison beat R Truth over and over again
Then he ended it all with the Starship Pain
HHH’s music hit not soon after and it seemed like Cole’s opponent would be him. That was until we saw a strange figure before us. It was Cole, in HHH’s gear, doing HHH’s entrance. It was, quite simply, hilarious. I actually loved it.
Cole’s opponent was internet darling and cross-eyed wonder Zach Ryder. Zach picked up an easy win and kept repeating “I’m on RAW!” in what I think was a hidden message for his Dad to tape it. Bless.
Next was a match I didn’t care for. Del Rio v Kofi Kingston. For those who care, Del Rio won. YAWN.
We went backstage to an interview with Miz
He was fed up on HHH’s interference in his Biz
Miz said the company was going downhill from here
Not getting a fair shot at the title is his biggest fear
He said John Cena should’ve been fired last week
He thinks HHH’s move was simply quite weak
Now he wants vengeance for the pain that he’s caused him
And he reckons he’ll get it because he’s The Miz… and he’s awesome
The final match was between John Cena and Rey Mysterio. Again, it was a good match and I think it was another that was wasted on RAW. Either way, everything has to happen for a reason and John Cena picked up the win.
After the win, some strange music hit and Cena seemed confused. Then, to everyone’s pleasure, CM Punk returned, title in hand. The two faced off in the ring, both their belts in the air. But who is the rightful champion?
Until next week,
XO-WB
I’d Like To Otung Ya
Friday’s Smackdown was FULL of fit but for some reason my screencaps have come out a little blurred. Apologies for the image quality but I’m sure there’s enough for you all to… *ahem* enjoy yourself to.
Don’t say I never give you anything!
XO-WB
Wednesday Wedgie #7
This week it goes to the master of the wedgie, Kofi Kingston.
XO-WB
RAW Sex Appeal
Well, since there has been a lack of fitties lately, I thought I’d treat you all to a gallery of RAW’s finest asses.
Enjoy!
XO-WB
RAW Rec-Rap
On Wrestlebitch I always like to try something different and it seemed my Money In The Bank Rap Recap took off pretty well. So, therefore, I’m going to use rap/poetry in my recaps more often, starting with this RAW recap.
So RAW kicked off with Vince McMahon and his new stooge (oh woopsie) John Laurinaitis. The two were in the ring to discuss what was going to happen now that CM Punk has CM Bunked off with the title. So, were they going to introduce a new title? What was going to happen? Well, Vince decided there would be a tournament for the title involving Alex Riley, The Miz, Kofi Kingston, R Truth, Rey Mysterio, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio.
Match one went to Miz and Riley
But Miz, well, wasn’t so smiley
His knee was hurting and down he went
Riley pounced and The Miz was spent
A battle between to former friends
I couldn’t wait to see how it ends
The match was great and had good skill
Riley so passion, The Miz showed will
The Miz I supported and who can blame me
He killed Riley’s chances like drugs killed Amy
And with a Skull Crushing Finale
The Miz won the match and the crowd went barmy
The next match was R Truth v Jack Swagger. It was a pretty good match and I wasn’t actually sure who to support. Jack Sthwagger is the All American American who is on the up and R Truth is, well, crazy. I love crazy people. It seemed like Swagger was going to win it and it looked to me like WWE were gearing up for a Truth/Morrison feud upon his return but, out of nowhere, Truth rolled Swagger up for the win.
Del Rio came out and did a speech
It was how his destiny wasn’t defeat
He wanted John Cena fired that night
He was probably afraid of a real fight
His destiny was championship gold
But this destiny bullshit is getting old
Del Rio is boring and I’m getting annoyed
With his dull promos and lame ass ploys
But we did see a dramatic return
As his personal announcer came to take his turn
The introductions were done and the bell did ring
It was Kofi Kingston that he’d be facing
The match was so-so but the result a surprise
Kofi won and there was hunger in his eyes
As Kofi prepared who whoever he’d next face
Del Rio sulked off with his new briefcase
Next in the BORE-nament was Dolph Ziggler v Rey Mysterio. The only push I’d like Rey Mysterio to receive is one over a cliff. I think the guy is boring but, now Sin Cara is Sin Action for 30 days I guess he’s the favourite Mexican high flyer again. Arrrrrriba, gurl.
The match itself wasn’t that bad and Dolph’s in ring style is really improving. Plus, he has an amazing ass. I’m not saying that helps in the long run but it certainly spices up what it a rather dull Tournament.
Sadly for Dolph, having amazing glutes just wasn’t enough and Mysterio picked up the win.
The next bout we saw was a little bit crazy
It was 7 on 7 with all the top ladies
But inside the ring were the same two chicks
Rosa Mendes the failure and the awesome Beth Phoenix
Beth tried the best with the hot mess she got
But Rosa fluffed it up and most of the moves were botched
It was over in a flash like the first time you have sex
Beth Phoenix busted her nose doing what she does best
Let this be a lesson if you’re going to fuck up
Beth will slam you so hard she will eventually draw blood
Next was The Miz (yey!) v Kofi Kingston (boo) and even though I love The Miz I don’t want to see him wrestle loads on one show. Either way, I shouldn’t complain because I got to see the Miz writhe around on the mat. Yes, he was in pain but so what? It’s still hot. Kofi did what Kofi does best and actually put on a really good match.
Ultimately, it was The Miz that would take it.
The Miz’s match was over and I was beginning to snore
Then it was time for R Truth and the Mexican Bore
Mysterio and Crazy went head to head
I didn’t care for the result so I went to the toilet instead
Upon my return I was surprised to see
Rey Mysterio had gained himself a victory
So the final was decided it was Mysterio v Miz
But McMahon interrupted for some important Biz
The rest of the night was a real surprise
My heart broke at the tears in Vince’s eyes
Is Son-In-Law Hunter came to decree
That the board has decided he’d now run WWE
Vince’s decisions were questioned and this is procedure
HHH’s first act was to spare John Cena
No sacking for Cena and Vince’s duties were relived
Got the whole internet talking of who had been deceived
I can’t wait for next Monday for answers to the lot
Like did Triple H mean it when he said I love you Pop?
So HHH is now chairman. Vince is gone. Cena is back. But what of Punk? So many questions.
Until next time,
XO-WB
Wednesday Wedgie #6
This week’s is less of a wedgie (let’s face it, most of these are just arses than wedgies but it’s hard to find ’em) and more of a reveal. Shame there wasn’t a different angle. Oh well.
XO-WB
I Wasn’t Banking On That
Well last night’s Money In The Bank was simply spectacular. Now, everyone who visits this blog usually comes for the sexy images or for a bit of a laugh and, quite frankly, there was nothing serious about last night’s PPV. It was simply stunning. Everything about it had my body tingling and there are so, so, so many great reviews out there you can be reading.
So, I figured, how could I review it without being too crazy. Then it got me thinking. PRAP. That’s right. PRAP. Poetry/Rap.
Enjoy.
Match 1 – Smackdown Money In The Bank
The night’s first match was for the SD Team
On many of those men I’m pretty keen
This little match up was hard to call
The entire thing was a free for all
There were guys who hit different weights
And all these guys had different fates
Sin Cara was the first man down
He was shakin’ like a dog tryin’ to push one out
Cody Rhodes seemed to go for the win
But Daniel Bryan stole it away from him
WWE’s biggest giants upped their game
But this was no match for the likes of Kane
It was to be the faster guys that did the best
Justin Gabriel, Slater, they impressed
But in the end it was all about the victory
And it went to the most surprising guy is history
I’m not a huge fan but there’s no denyin’
The future of Smackdown will be Daniel Bryan.
Match 2 – Kelly Kelly v Brie Bella (Divas Championship)
It went from great to bad very quick
I am already bored of the Bella’s schtick
The say that Kelly Kelly don’t eat so she’s thin as a stick
But we all gotta know she’s feasting out on dick
There’s women out there like Beth Pheonix
But we’re stuck with these models who can’t wrestle for shit
Sure they try but it just ain’t good
It’s a shame Kharma left to join the Motherhood
How can WWE be satisfied?
With just using these women as candy for the eyes?
Sure the WWE Universe are horny men
But we’d much prefer to cheer than oggle them
The truth here is simply
This is the lowest of the low in Diva history
It’s time they opened their eyes and finally saw
We want a women’s wrestler, not a bleach blonde whore.
Match 3 – Big Show V Mark Henry
For months now we’ve seen them battle
They’ve rocked the boat and made the whole world rattle
Mark Henry is all fired up
He ain’t got no problem tell Big Show what’s up
But Show’s fed up of Henry’s sneak attacks
Michael Cole was more obsessed with their body facts
The match was good for what it was
Two fat ass guys trying to their job
Big Show ended up back on his ass
He’s like Kelly Kelly, most of his time’s on his back
Mark Henry won with the World’s Strongest Slam
He nearly blew the guts out of the Big Show, man
But when the bell was finally rung
Henry wasn’t satisfied with what’s he’d done
A chairshot would seal the fate
And Henry would continue to bring on the hate
What will happen next for these two men?
Well I’d be happy for them the battle again.
Match 4 – Raw Money In The Bank
Here we are yet again
In a match that really brings the pain
Everyone’s been guessing at who would win
Would it be Era Of Awesome Again?
These competitors are the best of the best
Even Rookie Riley managed to impress
Evan Bourne read new heights
Alberto Del Rio nearly lost his tights
The Miz’s game looked set to close
But he soon came back and up he rose
It looked like that was to be it
But Rey Mysterio grabbed his chance and took it
The biggest little guy in WWE
Looked set to get the victory
The fans went crazy when Del Rio returned
It was his destiny as far as he’s concerned
So after he threw away Mysterio’s mask
He scaled that ladder pretty fast
Grabbing the case it was plain to see
We’d just seen one of the best matches in history
So thanks guys for taking the risk
But a Del Rio win really takes the piss.
Match 5 – Randy Orton v Christian (World Heavyweight Title)
This was a match for which I didn’t care
Come on guys we’ve already been there
This time round it was a new creation
With the introduction of a strange stipulation
Randy Orton couldn’t be DQ’d
Because if he did it’d be his title he’d lose
Christian spent the entire match
Trying to get Orton to finally snap
The entire thing was a run around
Until Christian fell to the ground
It looked like Orton was going to win it
But Christian reverted to having to spit
With Saliva dripping all over his face
Orton went crazy at such disgrace
In the end Orton answered the crowd’s calls
He kicked Christian directly in the balls
Now Christian’s the champ with an easy win
And we can go back to not giving a shit again.
Match 6 – John Cena v CM Punk (WWE Championship)
This was the one we were waiting for
CM Punk was about to brawl
His contract expiring loomed even near
Cena thought for all that was dear
Punk’s promise really came true
He got to do what he always wanted to do
The match itself was wrestling pure
The match took its toll and that’s for sure
Sweat and tears stained the mat
An STF seemed the end of that
Then on the ramp came Vince McMahon
Along with John Laurinaitis and some Lawyer man
Screwjob number two looked set to take place
Til Cena punched Jonny Ace right in the face
CM Punk took the chance and began to creep
Cena walked right into a Go To Sleep
The new champion was finally crowned
The audience went crazy and Vince just frowned
The shock and awe began to set in
As Vince demanded Del Rio cash in
But the Mexican Slimeball was a little too late
CM Punk wasn’t letting him change fate
Over the barrier and into the crowd
Punk blew a kiss and then peaced out
The WWE looks to change forever
A fantastic finish which couldn’t have been better.
Until next time!
XO-WB
The Money’s In The Wank
An epic show with epic hotness. I will be reviewing it real soon but first, check out my bumper gallery for all the Money In The Bank hotness.
XO-WB
Banks For Playing
Well tonight is the one we’ve all been waiting for! But who will win? Everyone has their opinion and since it’s my blog, I’ll give mine!
Kelly Kelly v Brie Bella (WWE Divas Title)
It’s a shame that it’s come to this but since Kharma got pregnant, they had to go somewhere with the Divas. Sadly, it looks like they’re going down the LayCool route because, apparently, women can only be beautiful or bitchy.
I have a feeling that Kelly Kelly will be able to keep hold of her title. As for how, I’m thinking that the match will end up in a DQ.
Big Show v Mark Henry
This is a match I never thought I’d look forward to but, alas, I absolutely am. It’s clear that things are going to get heated after months of angry exchanges. Big Show is still fuming from Henry’s sneak attacks but Henry seems to be overpowering him every time. The question is, has Big Show recovered enough to defeat the monster?
My guessing is that the match will be brutal and we will see things we’ve never seen before. I’m unsure as to which way this will go but I’m putting my money on a Big Show win.
Smackdown Money In The Bank Match
These Money In The Bank matches are extremely hard to call so I’ll give a breakdown of each contender and their chances.
Justin Gabriel: He’s new to the singles competition game and he’s still a lot to learn before he can make it to the top. It’d be a huge shock if J-Gay was able to pick up the win but I highly doubt it. I see him being a major high flyer in this match but I do not forsee a win.
Heath Slater: Again, it’d be a major shock as Heath is also fresh. I am not entirely digging his character either and feel there will be a huge Justin Gabriel feud coming their way. It’s going to be a good match but not good enough for him to win.
Daniel Bryan: He’s really shown his value the past couple of weeks and his matches with Cody Rhodes have been fantastic. There’s enough of a fan base for people to be happy if he wins but I highly doubt that will happen.
Sheamus: A lot of people have money on this Ginger Giant to pick up the win but, again, I don’t think he will. He’s had a lot of momentum in the title race and it seems a little too obvious to hand over the win. Sheamus, quite frankly, doesn’t need it.
Sin Cara: WWE’s major signing of the year will ensure that this will be a high flying event and I look forward to seeing what this guy can do with a ladder but he’s a long while to go before he makes it big
Wade Barrett: It seems like natural progression to hand over the briefcase to this guy. He’s had a great Intercontinental run and his battles against Big Zeke have been brilliant. I just don’t see, personally, there being much in a title bid for him. So I’m going to say no to Wade.
Kane: I do not want Kane to win. It’s that simple.
Cody Rhodes: For me, the obvious choice. He already has a team of minions, a lot of heat and a great character going forward. The obsessive Cody Rhodes has a fire under him and I really think he’ll use that to pick up the win.
RAW Money In The Bank
As previous.
Evan Bourne: This cute little high flyer is sure to make moves in this match but it just won’t be enough. It’s just not his time.
Jack Swagger: Swagger is looking to rewrite history as his title reign has been forgotten. I just don’t think he will win this time but don’t get me wrong, he will be a major star in the future.
Kofi Kingston: This guy is always fantastic in these matches and I forsee him making moves we’ve never seen before but I don’t think it will be enough.
Rey Mysterio: We’ve not heard much from Rey in the build up to this event and I don’t think we’ll be hearing much after. There’s no way he’s winning.
Alex Riley: He’s made waves since coming into the WWE and I am sure he’ll gun after The Miz tonight. This, I feel, will be his downfall as I think The Miz will be knocked out early only to creep back in.
Alberto Del Rio: Del Rio says it’s his destiny to win. I say I’m destined to be bored if he does. No thanks.
R Truth: I’m hoping there are no spiders in the ring tonight or Truth is straight out of the game. I think his crazy will see him right through but, after having his shot not too long ago, I don’t see him winning.
The Miz: Miz’s win last year caused waves in the WWE and I think he’ll go two for two. He’s must-see and I must-see him win tonight.
Randy Orton v Christian (World Heavyweight Title)
I’m so bored of this already it’s actually making my eyes water. I think these guys need to end it and they need to end it tonight.
I think Christian will pick up the win only for the Money In The Bank winner to cash in and win.
John Cena v CM Punk (WWE Title)
This is one I really cannot call. There have been loads of rumours flying around. Will The Rock show up? Will HHH go after Punk? Will Punk really leave with the title? Will there be a Ring Of Honour invasion? Who knows?!
I have a feeling we’ll all be shocked tonight and I hope CM Punk picks up the win. I have a feeling there’s no way it’ll happen but I’m putting my money on it anyway.
Other Predictions:
– We’ll hear jokes about the banking crisis
– Dolph Ziggler and Vickie will be in a skit with Vince
– There will be an added match (I’m thinking New Nexus v Dolph and Drew McIntyre)
– Michael Cole will scream OH MY around 1000 times
– The Rock will make an appearance (either via satellite or in person) and get booed
– There will be a I Want Ice Cream chant
Enjoy the show.
XO-WB
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