Jeric-Oh No You Didn’t!

Hey everyone!

So RAW this week was an interesting one and I’ve already expressed how I feel about it but that certainly won’t stop me recapping it!

The show started off with a flashback to Kane’s speech last week. Why on earth they’d want to recap that I have no idea. It was boring enough the first time around. Anyways, we had the awful Nickleback song followed by the usual fireworks and things.

Then it was Cena time as he made his way to the ring. With it being New Year, John decided he’d change for 2012. He said first of all he was going to wear less underwear and next time he wears something it’ll be interesting. Erm, first of all… I am TOTALLY on-board for underwearless matches but I wonder what he means by interesting. I don’t want to start any rumours but his wife best check her knicker drawer.  The second resolution was to ban his Dad from WWE TV. I think everyone should follow suit. The Dad segments are the worse (I’m looking at you, Ryder).

Cena continued by saying that there was one thing that wouldn’t change. He then hammered on about how he loves the fans and they deserve to chant what they want to chant and that he doesn’t care if Kane hates him and his attitude. Then Kane’s music and pyro hit but Kane didn’t appear. Instead, we got Kane’s voice. It was like he was streaming live from Mordor. Kane said that Cena had no clue and that, eventually, he would embrace the hate and that he’d soon personally witness hate. I feared Kane was about to commit a hate crime. Come on Kane, Be A Star™.

We then had a match between Daniel Bryan and my future husband-even-though-he-doesn’t-know-it Cody Rhodes. It was actually a pretty good match and it’s nice to see Cody play with the World Heavyweight Champion as, hopefully, he’ll end up winning it. I think WWE missed a trick with this champion vs champion match though. The match ended up when Bryan displayed his small package (HA!) and surprised Cody with the win. Bryan then paraded around the ring, jumping on the announce table and everything. I’m with Michael Cole, it’s totally not necessary to celebrate is such a manner every time you win.

Our first glimpse backstage was with my new BFF John Laurinaitis who was texting as always. I bet he uses all the lingo and everything (TTL JOHN XO). Anyways, Miz walked in and said he wasn’t happy with R Truth beating him up and then hitting him with a bottle of water. John said he understood and didn’t agree with it. Miz wasn’t happy and wanted more repercussions for Truth but Laurinaitis said he brought it on himself. Then, I shit you not, he said “here, look at this video”, pointed to the screen and a video played. Laurinaitis is so awesome he doesn’t need a DVD player or a remote. Shit just happens. He’s like Bruce Almighty. Miz got mad and stormed out saying he wouldn’t be a sitting duck. R Truth then appeared from the shadows and quacked. I swear to God I’m not making this up.

We then had look back at the 1988 Royal Rumble. Was good.

Next up was my sort-of hero Wade Barrett who turned up ready for his match against Santino Morella. Barrett spoke about taking out Randy Orton and how the Barrett Barrage was here. I mean, I don’t think Barrett can take all the credit for his attack on Orton because the flight of stairs really played a huge part. Again, don’t want to start rumours but I hear that Orton is actually going to be facing The Stairs in a Wrestlemania grudge match. Ssh though, top secret info. Santino Morella turned up to stop Barrett speaking and said that he actually nearly won the Royal Rumble last year and will win it again because the Santino Morella Choo-Choo Train was much better than the Barrett Barrage. The two had a match. Barrett won.

Backstage once more, this time to the Bella Twins who were talking about Del Rio. Miz appeared and asked them if they’d seen R Truth to which they replied “no but we saw Little Jimmy” HA! That’s so funny. The irony is that playing with Little Jimmys was how they got their jobs. Miz said that he was glad Del Rio got injured and sulked off, nervously looking over his shoulder. Miz made his escape and R Truth, once again, appeared from the shadows and told us to shush. Fourth wall? What fourth wall?

TOO MANY LIMES. TOO MAN Y LIMES. AHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHH. I adore Sheamus’ entrance music. Sheamus made his way to the ring for his match against The Miz. It wasn’t a bad match well, it wasn’t a match at all really as the bell never rang. Sheamus had the upper hand pretty much throughout and even tied Miz up in the ropes where he was beaten on the chest by Sheamus like a gazillion times. Miz tried to escape into the crowd but R Truth appeared with a microphone saying it was time for Miz’s beating. Miz attempted to retreat back to the ring but was met with a brogue kick from Sheamus instead. With that R Truth jumped the barrier and beat on Miz and delivered another WATER BOTTLE TO THE HEAD. That’s right, hardcore. Miz was knocked out and Truth went back into the crowd where some kid yelled “HAPPY NEW YEAR, MIZ, WHAT WHAT!”. Uh. Kids. They ruin everything.

Josh Matthews was backstage with Dolph Ziggler who started the interview doing a handstand. He’s so sexy. Anyways, Dolph went on by saying how dumb and fat Americans were and that he was better than them because he has everything. Everything, except the WWE Championship. Dolph then said everybody better keep their ticket stubs because they’ll want to remember the time and place they saw Dolph become WWE Champion. Oh Dolph… you’re just the total package.

Backstage further where Zack Ryder was unsuccessfully hitting on Eve who looked like she’d just climbed out of a box of Quality Street. They were joined by Jack Swagger who said that an imposter had the US Title. After that whole dumb joke finished, Swagger said he was going to steal Ryder’s title and his girlfriend. I’m sorry, what? Is this WWE RAW or Grease? So dumb. My new BFF Johnny Ace turned up and made a 6 man tag match. Kane/Swagger/Mark Henry vs Ryder/Cena/Big Show in the Main Event.

Then it was the WWE Title match. I’m not going to sit here and tell you how amazing it was and you should go watch it. Oh, whoopsie, I just did. It was a really good match. The match was just heating up but, after a turnbuckle pad came off, John Laurinaitis appeared. He told the ref that the pad had fallen off and that he needed to put it back on. What a guy! Being the nice guy he is, Laurinaitis decided he’d put it on himself. The problem was, the silly referee wouldn’t leave him to it and missed Dolph Ziggler tapping to the Anaconda Vice. Silly referee. Anyways, poor John ended up getting knocked onto the apron after Punk pushed Ziggler into him. Punk then went for the GTS but Dolph threw him towards John Laurinaitis who just happened to grab the top rope at that moment to help himself up. This caused CM Punk to go flying to the outside, hurt his arm and get counted out. I mean, the real victim here is poor John Laurinaitis. For some reason, Dolph thought he was now WWE Champion and ran off with the belt. Again though, the real victim is Laurinaitis. I hope he didn’t hurt his texting arm.

We were then given a look back at the 1995 Royal Rumble. ‘Twas also good.

Then it was time for some Divas action with The Bella Twins taking on Eve and Kelly Kelly. Despite Eve looking ridiculous, Kelly Kelly decided to adopt similar colours to her BFFL and well, they looked like they were about to star in a porno version of Finding Nemo. The match itself was truly terrible and it was botch city. I mean, The Bella Twins just cannot wrestle to save their lives and they made Eve look back when, actually, she really isn’t. The Bellas were about to lose when Eve hit the Moonsault. However, Eve fell victim to Twin Magic and, with a botched roll-up, The Bellas won the match.

Backstage once again where CM Punk stormed into John Laurinaitis’ office and started yelling at Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis said that Punk was actually angry that he lost to Ziggler AGAIN and that this meant Ziggler deserved a title match again. At Royal Rumble. Yey! There was a twist, however, and Laurinaitis revealed that HE would be the Special Guest Referee! I’m happy about this because if there is anyone in WWE who is fair and balanced… it’s my Johnny Boy. Punk went crazy and said that if Laurinaitis screwed him out of the title he would beat him like a bitch. How rude!

Then finally the moment arrived. We had waited a long, long time for “It” to begin and it began. The person behind it? Chris Jericho! Jericho spent a good 10 minutes working the crowd in his flashing jacket and smiled from ear to ear. The crowd waited with baited breath for him to talk and… he didn’t. The entire thing was stupid. The crowd began to boo Jericho as he exited the stage. As much as I dislike how it happened I guess it’s keeping people talking. Jeritroll indeed.

Then it was main event time. Kane didn’t show up so Johnny Ace sent out his stooge David Otunga to announce that the match would be a handicap match instead. The match went on and, for some reason, it turned out that this was actually an elimination handicap match. I don’t know either. Basically, Big Show beat on Mark Henry outside and they were both counted out. That left Zack Ryder and John Cena against Jack Swagger. Swagger actually did well on his own until Ryder tagged in Cena allowing Cena to hit the AA for the win.

After that Kane’s pyro hit and Kane smashed through the middle of the ring. It was complete and utter bullshit and the next 10 minutes had to be seen to be believed. Kane went to beat on Cena but instead turned his attention to Ryder. He grabbed Ryder by the leg and tried to drag him back into his hole. Because, y’know, Kane is now a fucking supernatural being. Anyways, Cena jumped in and rescued Ryder and then fire burst out. The entire spectacle was ridiculous added further by the sound of a fire extinguisher after the hole exploded.

So the first RAW of 2012 ended stupidly.

I so hope this isn’t a sign of things to come.

XO-WB

Best Of 2011

Hey everyone!

Decided that a gallery shouldn’t be my last post of 2011 so I’m here with Wrestlebitch’s 30 best WWE moments of 2011 (starting from when I began the blog in April!)

So here we go (they’re in date order, not order of my favourites. This ain’t no awards show).

1.       The Cena Bait and Switch

Remember how, at the 2011 Draft we all thought Cena was going to Smackdown. The internet blew up with people shocked, many annoyed and dirtsheets predicting this was the WWE launching into a new Attitude Era. Then, at the end of the show, Cena was re-drafted to RAW. Remember that? Haha.

2.       Kofi leg drops Sheamus through a Table at Extreme Rules

This was a huge move and very memorable. It really made me think that Kofi is going to be a huge part of WWE in the future. I have never been a huge Kofi fan but he always brings out the big moves when he needs to and this certainly didn’t disappoint.

3.       Kharma debuts

On the very same night, Michelle McCool said goodbye to WWE but after her match against Layla a dark force entered the WWE. The internet had been abuzz with rumours about Awesome Kong joining the ranks and people were real excited. Kharma didn’t disappoint, slamming McCool into the mat and making her mark… for now at least.

4.       Eric on Tough Enough

Eric on Tough Enough was terrible. He was in the show for all the right reasons but, sadly, he just wasn’t working hard enough to make the cut. He turned up to the show out of shape and week after week he showed himself to be a poor contender. It wasn’t until he had to be rescued from a rope obstacle course that Stone Cole finally said goodbye to this great lump of stupid.

5.       Martin has to leave Tough Enough

In an injury-packed episode, one of the series’ favourites Martin gets an ankle injury and is forced to leave his show. Fans and trainers alike were devastated when this hunk with talent lost out on his dream. There certainly wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

6.       Alex Riley & The Miz try to cheat a win

When The Miz gained the upper hand in his I Quit match with Cena at Over The Limit it was clear something was up. Cena has never quit before and people were certain that it’d never happen again. It wasn’t, however, to be as it turned out Alex Riley and The Miz had recorded Cena saying I Quit and played it over a microphone. The match was restarted and John Cena got The Miz to say those all-important words.

7.       Kharma’s exit

Just when everyone was getting excited about Kharma and her destroying the WWE Divas, it was clear something wasn’t quite right. The internet was buzzing with rumours about injuries, how she had failed a drug test but then Kharma made a shock announcement… she was pregnant. This then caused a huge spiral in the Divas Division resulting in lack of storylines and bad matches. It was a great exit speech though.

8.       Alex Riley attacks The Miz

Simply for the homoerotica this was a great moment of 2011. It also lead to a great feud with many a great match. Sad to see that A-Ry has all but disappeared. I guess A-Ry’s DUI let him awry.

9.       Punk meets Austin

In an hilarious exchange, Punk (pre-Best In The World) confronted Austin backstage when Austin was guest host. Punk didn’t take kindly to Austin’s portrayal of beer drinking and Austin had a few stern words in reply. Interesting considering Punk is now firmly in the Austin role.

10.   Mark Henry’s Hall Of Pain

When Big Show attacked Mark Henry on the Smackdown before Capitol Punishment, Henry decided he wouldn’t take it on the chin. He turned up to take on Big Show and put him through a table. This was the start of Mark Henry’s hall of pain.

11.   Punk Shoots

Back in July 2011, we were subjected to a real shock. During Raw’s “RAW Roulette” special, Punk was growing increasingly annoyed at John Cena’s resilience. After Cena was put through a table in the Main Event, Punk came out with a microphone and had a few stern words to say. It was brilliant.

12.   Henry pushes Big Show & Drew McIntyre off the stage

Continuing his Hall Of Pain rampage, Mark Henry literally rammed Big Show off the RAW stage during his match with Drew McIntyre. It was fantastic.

13.   Money In The Bank

Money In The Bank was, in my opinion, the best PPV of 2011. It even beat out Wrestlemania for me. It had everything… good stories, shock twists and surprise wins. The Money In The Bank matches themselves were great and then John Cena punching John Laurinaitis followed by CM Punk kissing goodbye to the WWE. It was all fantastic viewing.

14.   Vince is relieved of his duties

Vince McMahon told John Cena that, should he lose to Punk at MITB he’d be fired. Vince was determined to see this through and the fans waited with baited breath. What we got instead though was Triple H who announced that the board had issued a vote of No Confidence over Vince and that he was relieved of his duties. Vince then cried. It was soap opera fabulousity.

15.   Punk returns

In a jam-packed RAW, Triple H decided we needed a new champion. Rey Mysterio was to face The Miz but Vince being relieved of his duties got in the way. Rey got his match and picked up the win but HHH said that wasn’t fair and John Cena should get his rematch. Cena did so and beat Mysterio becoming the new WWE Champion. CM Punk however, caused a ruckus when he returned with HIS WWE title. Two belts… but who would be champion?

16.   Skinny Fat Ass

Punk’s return irked many people, especially COO Triple H. Triple H had a few stern words about Punk but Punk had a few of his own. After making barbs at Stephanie McMahon, Triple H told Punk to shut up. Instead of those words, however, he told him he’d beat him on his skinny fat ass. This trended on Twitter for nearly a week intermittently.

17.   Kevin Nash’s Return

Kevin Nash returned at Summerslam shocking the WWE Universe with a powerbomb to CM Punk (allowing Del Rio to cash in and become WWE Champion). People wanted answers and so did Punk and the next night on RAW the hilarity ensued as Punk read a text from his sister with some not nice things to say about Kevin Nash.

18.   Triple H announces he’s Punk’s opponent

After firing Kevin Nash, Triple H called Punk into his office to tell him that he’d found a new opponent for him at Night Of Champions… HIM! Goosebumps.

19.   Beth Phoenix Superplex’s Kelly Kelly

At Night Of Champions, Beth nearly snapped Kelly Kelly in half with an awesome move.

20.   The Miz & R Truth apologise to Triple H

This apology was cute and humble. I loved it and really showed Miz’s great acting skills.

21.   Hugh Jackman punches Dolph Ziggler

As Zack Ryder’s push builds bigger and bigger, he had Wolverine on his side when Guest Host Hugh Jackman decided to make Ryder his underdog. As it appeared Vickie was being underhand to help Dolph win, Hugh decided to get involved himself and knocked Dolph out allowing Ryder to pick up the win.

22.   The WWE Walkout

After weeks of The Miz & R Truth beating on Superstars and Referees and other Superstars going crazy a team of Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Vickie Guerrero, Christian and David Otunga formed with John Laurinaitis to claim that the WWE had become an unsafe work environment. This then resulted in an Occupy WWE movement. John Laurinaitis then told Triple H to hold a vote of no confidence. He did so and everyone walked out leaving Triple H the sole survivor.

23.   Big Show & Mark Henry make the ring collapse

It was awesome. The two men went to the top rope and the result was simply carnage.

24.   Kevin Nash attacks Triple H with a sledgehammer

After Triple H demanded that John Laurinaitis resign Nash in order for him to face him, Nash appeared suddenly on the stage and took out Triple H with a sledgehammer. The fight continued backstage where Nash repeatedly beat on Trips leading to an EMT to ask if he was breathing. Brilliant.

25.   CM Punk v Dolph Ziggler (November 21^st)

This was my favourite RAW match of 2011. I loved it.

26.   Hornswoggle speaks

After winning a Christmas Wish on the Smackdown Holiday Special, Hornswoggle wished he could talk. He did. Sadly he turned out to be a little racist later on.

27.   Kane Returns

After months out due to Mark Henry, Kane returned once more but this time he had something new… his mask. That’s right, Masked Kane returned but there was only one man he was after… John Cena.

28.   TLC 2011

After Money In The Bank, this was the best PPV of 2011. Maybe I have a thing for ladders but it certainly bought around great moves, shock results and a really good crowd. I loved it.

29.   Coby Rhodes

In terms of Comedy, this was perhaps the funniest moment in 2011. Santino is really under-utilised.

30.   It Begins

These have been fantastic promos keeping everyone guessing. I personally think that Stephanie McMahon & Y2J will return. Many are calling me dumb for that as it’s DEFINITELY THE UNDERTAKER YOU GUYS!!!! I’m allowed to dream, yo.

So. That rounds up my 30 favourite moments from 2011. Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know.

Wrestlebitch is going to have a few changes in 2012 and I’m certainly looking for guest articles to post. If you feel you could write something Bitch-worthy then email me (wrestlebit@gmail.com) either the article or a pitch for the article. If I get a couple I might do a guest post week!

Happy New Year!

XO-WB

The Truth Hurts

Hey everyone!

Before I start I just want to say a big thank you. The site has been receiving ridiculous amounts of hits. Now, I know you come for my galleries but it does mean a lot to me to think that people interact with me too. If you do ever fancy saying hello, leave a comment or tweet me!

So this week’s RAW was coming off Survivor Series where we got a new WWE Champion, CM Punk. Punk, however, wasn’t simply going to just carry a belt. He reckons he’s got a mission and he wanted to let the WWE Universe know. Well, first off, he said we shouldn’t be a Universe. We’re fans. I must say, I love when he says stuff like this. I get that the average wrestling fan is probably a bit chunkier at the waist but to refer to us a solar system is a bit harsh.

Punk said he wants to be an agent for change (he doesn’t mean a sex change doctor btw) and that he thinks that the fans should get what they want. He also thinks that John Laurinaitis should resign. This to me, would be a travesty. The man just gets increasingly better week on week. He’s hilarious. Well, with that, Laurinaitis made his way out and said that Punk needs to realise that Laurinaitis can do things on the fly. Punk challenged this but Laurinaitis made it clear that he doesn’t need tattoos to be cool. Seriously, how can you not adore that man?

So a match was made for next week where Alberto Del Rio will get his rematch but tonight it was to be Dolph Ziggler v CM Punk. The crowd and Punk made it obvious they wanted Ryder but the deal was done. Punk then sort-of threatened Laurinaitis with physical harm but he did really clever wording so that he wouldn’t get fired. Such… a hoot.

We then got treated to an exclusive clip of The Rock giving a speech after Survivor Series and the crowd chanting “We Want Ryder”. This was followed by The Rock pretending he wasn’t pissed off that someone else was stealing his limelight. What an asshole.

This then lead in to Zack Ryder taking on Alberto Del Rio. The match, in all honesty, was a bit of a squash but Ryder actually held his own. I’m still on the side of thinking Ryder is over-rated but he’s certainly innovative.

Then Sheamus went up against Jack Swagger. It was a nice call back to the fact Sheamus got DQ’d from the elimination match for pummeling Swagger. It’s widely believed that, that was a re-worked finish due to Sin Cara super-botching and injuring his knee. Woopsie. Another good match and it’s clear having Vickie in his corner is helping Swagger. He lost, but still, nice work.

We were then subjected to Kevin Nash. Since HHH hasn’t been around we’ve been given the same speech week after week about how HHH is a terrible friend and Nash is really upset. Boo hoo. I wish he’d stop turning up on RAW and write in his journal instead. Nash banged on about thinking he had a friend but instead he had a boss and now he’s the only Kliq member left standing. Do you know how many people were left standing? Nobody. They all used their Diva bathroom break for Nash.

Then the beautiful Cody Rhodes turned up. You’ve probably noticed but I’d like to reiterate that Cody’s new trunks send me wild. The dude looks stacked. I’m actually in love. Cody explained his new attitude by saying that having the mask made him vulnerable to predators (he meant physical, not sexual before you get smart). He said that now the mask was off he is free to be the best he can be. He then showed this by defeating Santino Morella in a quick match.

It was after the match that the real action happened. Booker T has been burying Cody whilst announcing for weeks and well, Cody finally reached his boiling point and confronted him. Cody screamed that “I WATCH THE SHOW” which was totally cute. I wonder if he masturbates watching his matches like I do? What? TMI? Anyway, Cody decided that Booker needed cooling down so threw some water over him. I guess Booker T is another addition to the long list of people Cody Rhodes has made wet. ZIIIING.

In a backstage interview, Josh Matthews tried to make Dolph realise he got eliminated so technically didn’t win two Survivor Series matches. Dolph, however, disagreed because he was technically on the winning team. Dude has a point but I may be biased on the account of erections Dolph has bestowed upon my crotch. Dolph then said he was the new face of WWE.

This then lead into his match against CM Punk. A match that was wasted on RAW. It was fantastic and Dolph’s drop kick on Punk is something to behold. Punk was amazing too and, despite a slip up, the match ran smooth. These are two men who are very good in ring and I’d say go and bloody watch it. It was made doubly hilarious when Vickie Guerrero intervened and started flirting with Punk.

Then Big Show came out and said a bunch of stuff about wanting to fist Mark Henry. I dunno. Lost interest.

Backstage Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly were playing WWE 12. Did you know WWE had a new video game? No? Me neither. They never mention it (!) Either way, Beth Phoenix and Natalya walked in and said something about Barbie characters not crying in the game. It was dumb but they’re doing the best with what they can. Plus, that finisher Beth hit on Eve at Survivor Series makes up for everything.

Wade Barrett went up against Kofi Kingston. I’m not a Barrett fan. I find him boring and his matches really samey. Now he’s feuding with Orton my interest has bottomed out even more. Sorry guys but that’s how it is. Barrett beat Kingston and then did his winners announcement himself, gloating to Orton who was doing his Brokeback Mountain “I wish I knew how to quit you” stare.

After that John Cena turned up. He said that Survivor Series was interesting and then decided to relay everything that happened. Um, leave the recapping to me OK? Thank you. Cena then said that The Rock was clearly at the top of his game and that will only make their Wrestlemania match all the more better. As he said so, The Miz and R Truth interrupted. They said that nobody cares about Cena as The Rock has taken over. It was a good segment but slightly marred by the fact I found out R Truth had been suspended before watching.

John Cena then turned the tables and said that they should worry about each other. He said Miz thought Truth was riding his coattails and that Truth thought Miz was a pompous ass whose greatest achievement was being a skinny loudmouth on a crappy reality TV show. Or something along those lines.

Miz and Truth started shoving each other but decided to go after Cena. However, as they made it to the top of the ramp, Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale on Truth. Interesting how the suspension announcement came the day after Truth had the perfect exit storyline.

I smell a C-O-N SPIRACY!

Until next time,

XO-WB

Twurvivor Series Tweview

OK. So two things are currently going on. I’m tired and I’m lazy.

So, instead of my usual recap I’ve decided to go a different route and adopt WWE’s irritating obsession over Twitter.

So here is a collection of my tweets during Survivor Series. Many of them are out of context… see if you can guess what I’m referring to. There are a few hilarious retweets on their too so please follow those people. Just scroll to the bottom and work your way up. That’s what we do here on Wrestlebitch… we start at the bottom ;).

Also, tweet me YOUR favourite Survivor Series tweets. If there’s enough, I’ll post the best ones. Even if they’re your own tweets just quote them and mention me!

Tweet Tweet!

XO-WB

Camera To Asses

Everyone in the wrestling world seems to think that The Rock’s return is the big news story from Surivor Series. Nah, it’s CM Punk’s butt being revealed!

I’m not a huge CM Punk fan in a sexual way, I don’t see the attraction but I am a loyal bitch with a space upgrade so, my friends, I have ensured it was screencapped.

I just wish it’d happen to Dolph, Cody or The Miz. Either way, here are some sexual caps from Survivor Series.

XO-WB

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RAW Gets Halloweird

Hey! Long time no recap. How are you? Oh really? Oh well, I’m sure that’ll heal up just fine. Anyways, this week’s RAW was a Halloween Muppet Extravaganza and boy was everyone not looking forward to this. Many said they were jumping the shark, that WWE had finally lost the plot… turns out they were the best guest hosts in, like, ever. So what went down?

Well we opened with The Rock who’d made a real effort to travel all the way to RAW. Oh wait, no, it was a pre-recorded video message from his home in Miami. How nice. Rocky was replying to Cena’s request to be his partner at Survivor Series. The Rock found this hilarious and said no to Cena but then he said he wanted to change his mind. I’m really disliking The Rock element of WWE now. The guy says he’s never going anywhere and he hasn’t been around in months. I dunno, I just see it backfiring. Rock also enjoys putting down Cena fans which is just stupid. Cena fans are the ones buying the merch. Oh, and also, I became a Cena fan because The Rock left for Hollywood. So rude. Anyway, eventually The Rock said yes and that would’ve been a bigger thing if WWE hadn’t been advertising the fact he’s wrestling at Survivor Series. Whoopsie.

Then we had our first match which was CM Punk v Mark Henry. They showed some footage of the AWESOME ring collapse at Vengeance which I’m sure is on that YouTube thingy. A lot of people bitching and whining about it already being done but who cares? Trust me, I’m an expert at having the same thing done repeatedly inside a ring. Before the match got under way my new favourite person John Laurinaitis (whose name I don’t know if I’m spelling correctly) came out. Now, everyone seems to be hating on him but I think his character totally works. It’s understated but still evil and his voice plays well to that. I like him. Anyhoo, he said that if Punk can beat Henry then he’ll be able to face Del Rio at Survivor Series.

The match was going well until Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriquez came down and interfered. Del Rio sent his stooge into the ring to beat up Henry in order for Henry to win via DQ. This worked and Punk lost meaning no title match. Not one to let things slide, Punk attacked Del Rio and Rodriquez and threw him to the lions… or Mark Henry.

Then it was Muppet time as Miss Piggy and Kermit popped up to say hi. Miss Piggy was about to explain why she is the original Diva but was interrupted by Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger. Vickie and Piggy clearly didn’t get along and Swagger threatened them both. Kermit, however, slammed Vickie by saying they didn’t want any trouble from Swagger… or his mother. See? Muppets rule. Santino then got involved and announced that Swagger needs to warm up for a match against him. Swagger said he’d have Dolph on his side (aww, bromance) but Santino said that “John Laryngitis” told him Dolph also has a match against Zack Ryder.

After this announcement, Kelly Kelly came out and snogged Kermit as we headed for the Divas Halloween Battle Royal. Many people have said that WWE Divas haven’t come on very far but I remember when the Divas used to dress up when there wasn’t a match involved. Heck, a Smackdown Thanksgiving episode saw two Divas wrestle in gravy. Progress, people. Pretty much all the Divas were there but there could only be one winner… Eve! Natalya and Beth Phoenix then set on Eve but Alicia Fox (me neither) and Kelly Kelly jumped to her defence. I smell a Survivor Series Matchhhhhh.

We then zoomed backstage to where the good folks in the Muppet Labs were making an energy drink for Santino. Beaker was ordered to go deliver it but ran into Christian who called him a nerd and poured his drink on the floor. Luckily, Sheamus was there to rescue him and the two discussed how Sheamus couldn’t make the family reunion. It was a cute as fucking kittens.

The next match was AirBoom v Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett. It’s interesting to point out this will be the last time we’ll see Evan for a while considering his suspension for violating the wellness policy. I guess we know what made him fly so high. The match was actually pretty good but I’m always biased because I literally want to bury my face into Cody’s ass and live there forever. The match ended with a Cody/Wade win and the two went to put the hurtin’ on AirBoom and, just for the lols, Christian ran in to take part. But, as with everything in WWE, the numbers were evened up as Sheamus saved the day. I so hope WWE wasn’t hoping for a 6 Man Tag at Survivor Series because Evan totally fucked that up.

Backstage again, where CM Punk wasn’t happy with John Laurinaitis as he was screwed out of his title shot. He started to insult my new favourite person but Laurinaitis simply told him that match is still on if Punk can get Del Rio to agree. See? He’s fair. And he’s TOTALLY not up to anything with all that texting. Nothing. At. All.

Speaking of Del Rio, it was Big Show v Del Rio next and I must say Big Show is looking a lot leaner these days. Good on him. Their match was also pretty awesome so I’d definitely give that a watch if you haven’t already. Big Show picked up the win with an epic punch to Del Rio. After the match, Punk came down to the ring and explained to Del Rio that he was going to put him in the Anaconda Vice and won’t stop until Del Rio agreed to their match. Del Rio agreed, obvs.

Backstage to the Muppets once more where Swagger, Dolph & Vickie ended up tying up Gonzo’s arms. Mean.

It was then time for Santino v Swagger and the match was so-so. I am a fan of Swagger but it’s clear they aren’t quite sure what to do with him yet but teaming with Vickie is a step in the right direction. The match wasn’t going well for Santino until Beaker appeared with the energy drink from before and gave it to Santino. Santino, however, choked on it and ended up spitting it into Swagger’s eyes. He then rolled him up for the win.

Not long after Swagger loss, it was the turn of Vickie’s other client. Dolph v Ryder was a good match but one we’ve seen way too many times now. It’s obvious the two have chemistry but it’s also obvious the feud is going to run out of steam. Anyhoo, Ryder won the match. Woo Woo Woo.

We then had an update on Triple H who is said to be out for at least 5 weeks. We also discovered that Nash has been resigned. The plot is thickening like an artery after a KFC Double Down. After using his sombre voice for the Triple H announcement, Cole went into full asshole mode and took to the mic. Last week, he challenged JR to a Michael Cole challenge where, if Cole loses, he quits RAW. He went into a tirade about JR having bowel issues and then said JR should wear an adult nappy. I must admit, the Depends gag made me giggle. What? I’m human. Shut up.

More Muppet action where Miss Piggy was flirting with John Morrison. JoMo, however, left quickly and was replaced by Hornswaggle. I think JoMo disappearing suddenly is going to be something that happens in the future.

We then got to the main event which was a Wrestlemania rematch between John Cena and The Miz. Their match was actually really good! Again, go watch it. The twist came at the end when someone in the audience, dressed as the guy from Scream, attacked Cena. Cena batted him off and put Miz in the STF for the win. The Scream guy then ran into the ring, only for Cena to hit the AA and the man was revealed to be… R TRUTH. What… a shocker.

An interesting RAW and quite an enjoyable one too really. I liked it. Did you? Let me know, gurl.

XO-WB

I’d Let Miz In My Collapsed Ring

Hey everyone!

As Vengeance was so awesome, I’m not going to do a recap. Simply watch it. It was a really great PPV and the Big Show/Henry collapse moment was must see too.

Anyways, I didn’t want you lovelies going without a gallery.

Enjoy!

XO-WB

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I’d Happily Have 40+ Men Invade My Ring

So due to unforseen circumstances, my RAW recap is going to be delayed. But, here is the Friday Fitties gallery wordpress wouldn’t let me post yesterday. My internet hates me. Wah wah wahhhhh.

XO-WB

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Ziggler Zig Ahhh

A RAW Supershow means you’ve got a SuperGallery! That’s right, over 100 images from RAW! Enjoy and I apologise if the images take their time.

XO- WB

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CM And Weep

Another week, another RAW and my apologies for this recap coming out so late but, like an underage teen’s period after she’s had sex, it’s better late than never.

The show began with HHH
Who wanted to reveal the show he’s decided to create
See, he wants the company to be the best that it can be
And involve everyone superstar in the WWE
So from now on the roster split is lifted
That’s right, I didn’t get my words twisted
Smackdown guys will now be on RAW
Which I guess means we’ll see Randy Orton more
After that our COO wasn’t finished
He was unhappy how Nash lied and he wanted him punished
He invited him to the ring to see where he got such spunk
But instead out came CM Punk
Punk said Trips was simple acting
He even said his thespianism was outstanding
Then Nash came out in an ugly shirt
But who cared because he dished the dirt
Johnny Ace the Talent VP
Signed up Nash to come back on TV
He questioned Trips on what man he was
To which Punk decided to fake throwing up
He said the entire thing was all an act
Then Nash said he wanted a match
Trips agreed to let us all see
Punk v Nash at the next PPV

After that Randy Orton came out for a match with Dolph Ziggler. The match was actually really good and I’m loving the storyline involving Vickie Guerrero. I think that it has real legs and if they can put good matches into it at the same time, that’s great. Dolph is underrated and I say that as a fan of not just his awesome arse but also his actual talent. Orton, however, picked up the win.

Backstage we saw an angry John Cena
Who was ready to drop some truth in the arena
He ignored Josh Matthews and headed to the ring
He wasn’t happy with the pain Del Rio decided to bring
He said Del Rio was a complete douchebag and cheat
Then impersonated The Rock and stamped his feet
He wanted Del Rio to come get some now
But out came Mark Henry and his sweaty brow
Henry said Cena will join his pain
And that he’ll soon have a title reign
With those words came a familiar face
It was Christian, Smackdown’s biggest disgrace
He accused John Cena of being a whiner
To which Cena retorted with a great one-liner
He then challenged the two to go head to head
But Christian decided to bail instead
The reason why was because Sheamus appeared
I actually don’t find this partnership to weird
Mark Henry then decided to step away
Then John Laurinaitis had something to say
Backstage in his office he made the bought
To which Trips stepped in and totally freaked out
He told Johnny Ace to know his role
That HE was the boss and to hit the road
The match was official and we’d get to see
Cena & Sheamus v Christian & Henry LIVE on TV!

After that we got a FANTASTIC match between Punk and Miz. Before the match even began, Miz came out and basically told Punk he was about as original as Emo Kids. He said he’s been speaking the truth long before Punk and well, he out-Punked Punk! Miz then demanded attention and he sure got it with a brilliant match against Punk. I know I already said that but, seriously, it was totally AWWWESSSSOOOOMMMMEEEE.

The match looked like it was going Punk’s way until the very end when R Truth (he’s not a GOOD R TROOF) ran in and went for Punk causing Punk to win due to DQ. Punk, however, gained the upperhand and actually over powered The Awesome Truth (the Internet names teams now, right?). Then Nash decided to take a casual stroll down the ramp (I mean seriously, how slow?) and Miz knocked down Punk which allowed Nash to (eventually) take down Punk with a Jackknife Powerbomb!

After that we had Sin Cara v Jack Swagger. Again it was good and it really set up the new Vickie/Swagger/Ziggler feud that’s going on. I really liked it even if Sin Cara picked up yet another win.

Not much to rap/write poetry about tonight but this was a REALLY good RAW. I enjoyed it. It had great set-ups, great matches. Do watch it if you haven’t.

The next match was Otunga & McGillicutty v the new tag champions Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston now known as AirBoom! The match was so-so and King buried Otunga & McGillicutty on commentary the entire time basically saying they were shite. They lost the match to AirBoom who retained their titles. Afterwards, the artists formerly known as New Nexus stared down Lawler and Otunga ripped his headphones off and threw them at him. YEAH, YOU GO. Also, Otunga and McGillicutty entered in baseball caps and sunglasses. This must not ever happen again. OK?

We then had a Divas match in Kelly Kelly v Brie Bella. The match was interrupted by another people-looking-at-TV segment where Beth Phoenix and Natalya (aka Divas of Doom) basically said everyone in the ring were twats and they should be wrestling. The Bellas then did twin magic for the win.

The Main Event was soon upon us as Christian teamed with Sexual-turned-Crazy Chocolate Mark Henry against John Cena and the wonderful babyface Sheamus. Loving Sheamus as a fan favourite The match was actually not bad and Cena picked up the win for his team.

During Cena’s celebration we cut away
To Triple H backstage with something to say
He invited CM Punk to come and see him
Because he had something Punk needed to be hearin’
He said Punk’s match with Nash was no longer on
But he shouldn’t be sad because he had another one
HHH stared at Punk and said his Night Of Champions opponent would be
HIM! The COO of the WWE
And with that RAW went off the air
Did I enjoy it? OH HELL YEAH!

Until next week,

XO-WB